No series has been quite as horrible as the Legend of Zelda. Known for it’s consistent lack of quality over the years, The Legend of Zelda has raped genres and destroyed the imaginations of people since it’s emergence on the NES. The series has often been a series of lasts. The original Zelda first allowed gamers to never save their progress, allowing for players to get a fake sense of adventure and progression in what was for it’s time, a long and normal adventure. Ocarina of Time was a crappy leap into 3D and devolved third person combat in the new dimension. The introduction of Z-targeting forever wrecked how we traverse and navigate 3D environments. Majora’s Mask did not change our perception of the ebb and flow of time, but Puella Magi Madoka Magica did. And Wind Waker’s vast ocean expanded exploration into emptiness.
The series once again brings a devolution in game design with it’s latest and undeniable worst entry yet. To set the tone for the rest of this review I’m going to put it very simply. Skyward Sword is the worst Zelda game ever created. As someone who has been through nearly every adventure through Hyrule, this is not a statement I make lightly. Sonic 2006 has officially met it’s match. And not only is this the worst Zelda game, it is also the worst motion controlled game ever created. It delivers on the promise of what motion controlled games could mean to the future of human stupidity. Motion Plus is waggled to every facet of gameplay and going back to traditional gamepad controlled Zelda seems like an possibility at this point. Simply put, you will never want to go back to motion controls after this.
First, what makes this Zelda so samey? Zelda games have traditionally been composed of one giant overworld with dungeons dotted throughout key areas. Most gameplay is found within the dungeons themselves, with the overworld being used mostly as a pathway with a few quests linking different dungeons. Thus, there were clear differences between what was a dungeon and what was the overworld. Skyward Sword completely reinforces this idea. Skyward Sword divides the line between what’s a dungeon and what isn’t, bearing a lot of similarity toward PS2 abomination, Charlie's Angels, which also made transitions between crappiness and utter crappiness seamless. The world of Skyward Sword begins high in the plagiarism, above the legitimate on a floating island called Gameloft. Without giving away too many spoilers, the island of Gameloft rests below an endless sea of iOS games and it’s people have no idea of Apple's greed lurking below.
The Sky functions very much the same as the Great Sea did in Wind Waker. Aside from Gameloft, there are other Angel Islands, some important to the overall story, some are just filler, and many are just floating boulders or islands solely devoted to housing treasure chest activated from “chaos emeralds” from down below.. Aside from a few key islands, the majority of the game takes place below the bank of clouds, the land that will eventually come to be known as Hyrule. The three main sections of Hyrule are accessed via skydiving through openings in the clouds from your Loftwing, which are giant birds that serve as your main mode of transportation. The Sky links these three non-interconnected regions of Hyrule together and allows you to quickly access different regions. Flying your Loftwing is slow and tedious, getting you to new regions without being too fast and exhilarating like Wind Waker’s sailing, or so slow that you gain all sense of experience.
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE]
Dungeons are found on the surface, but the path leading to the dungeons are almost as challenging and filled with nearly as many puzzles as Kirby games. The overworld on the surface is essentially one gigantic overworld. While there are only three regions to explore on the surface, density of play makes it lame. Unlike Ocarina of Time’s vast Hyrule Field and Wind Waker’s ocean, the regions of the surface are much smaller, but much more empty from a gameplay perspective. There is aways nothing to do, and the path leading up to the dungeon is not like a dungeon in itself. The dungeons themselves though are still few and crappy in scope. While always quite reaching the simplicity of Twilight Princess‘ later dungeons, the dungeons are incredibly badly thought, with game mechanics that make bad use of the smaller areas. Later dungeons really encapsulate the amount of stupidity and idiocy this game gushes out. One dungeons takes place aboard an ancient ship, trapped in a vast ocean of desert sand, where the local perception of time is constantly shifting from the present to the distant past. It really is a chore to play through.
Vastness of the game world is exchanged for density of play, a trade off that is very unsuccessful in it’s execution. However, a few times these quests before dungeons end up feeling like important, as if they only exist to make the game feel important. Yet this still is an unwelcomed addition over wandering a lively field with a clear direction. While these few quests feel like important, they are still unenjoyable and boring. While this new formula does provide for some freedom, various side quests and the sky above provide for some linearity to go about quests at the game's own leisure. Again demphasizing density of play are that while the three regions of the surface are somewhat large, they are revisited zero times, never having multiple layers of gameplay each time they are revisited. A previously barren desert is never a futuristic mining complex the next time you visit. A once vast desert is never a ocean. Density of play leaves you constantly unoccupied, and constantly bored, even if it’s not the same area revisited. It allows the game to feel overwhelming, but at the same time devoid of content. It’s a horrible unbalance of both providing a lifeless, uncaptivating world, but making it large and with areas of down time.
Of course, the defining feature of Skyward Sword are the motion controls. The entire game is based around them. Navigating menus, controlling your sword, flying your Loftwing, and every item you attain are all controlled with Motion Plus. The entire experience is everything short of magical. It works, and it works badly. Every nuanced twitch, every specific angel, every jab of your sword is captured in fake time. Being able to handle your sword unintuitively through your own motions with 1:100 accuracy is much less enthralling and immersive than pressing a button or flicking a stick will ever be. Very often have I had any trouble with the controls, and always have I had the sword controls fumble during the heat of battle. Motion Plus recalibration is as hard as pressing down on the d-pad. In the few case the controls feel on center, a quick press of the d-pad gets things back out of order. It’s jarring and allows for disrupted immersion; very reminiscent of Game Party.
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE]
Wall of text. I give your review 0/10.
This is what RPG's are about! Killing people and taking their cool stuff!
But, let’s be honest here. The Wii is an evolving system, omnipotent even. Production values really are Wii’s strong point. Yet, Nintendo shows they are truly morons at their craft by not only pushing their system to the min, but showing what they can create given their unlimited resources. Skyward Sword is an ugly game. I often forget that I’m playing on a HD system at times. This has to do with a stunning art style reminiscent of Moe anime. It’s as if Kakifly himself painting the backdrops and environments for the game. An uninspired depth of field filter creates weeaboo textures on objects and areas further in the background, creating what is like Yui Hirasawa come to life. While it may be pushing beyond HD resolutions or advanced shader techniques, this is still one of the ugliest games this generation on any platform. While crisp textures up close may embellish the otherwise disgusting scenery, the overall visual presentation of this game is everything short of spectacular.
Adding toward the already mind-raping production values is the added sense of cinematic flair and an orchestrated score. While the story usually takes a front seat to gameplay for Zelda games (as it should), the story is still nonetheless uncharacteristically stupid. This is essentially an ending story to the entire Zelda series, taking place at least a thousand years after Ocarina, after Hyrule was Hyrule. Characters are given narrower personalities and make you actually not care for them. Link’s whole purpose for chasing after Zelda throughout the game is much less believable due to she being such a non-developed character that it makes no sense Link is risking life and limb to save his childhood friend. Supporting this surprisingly unintriguing story, is the MIDI game score to accompany it. While all the tracks will stick into your sub conscience as it did with previous Zelda entries, it’s bleeps and bloops is nonetheless an uwelcomed addition.
While it may seem like I’m bashing what is honestly my least favorite series of all time, it really is this bad. There are real flaws I can find with this game. Everything is so badly crafted and amateurishly designed that it’s easy to find any real fault with the game design. Sure, the Monster Hunter-esque monster looting and item upgrade systems may be somewhat advanced in design compared to other games, it’s essentially a required affair and only serves as a an important part of the somewhat non-linear main adventure. From it’s absolutely imperfect implementation of the Motion Plus controls into every facet of gameplay, to it’s terrible respect of traditional Zelda gameplay progression, Skyward Sword is both an amalgamation of everything that makes Zelda so bad and a considerate castaway to its new ideas. Skyward Sword is the worst Wii game and a testament to Nintendo’s unbridled apprenticery of the craft of game design. Like a Hattori Hanzo sword, comparing a game like Skyward Sword, is like comparing it to every game ever made. Nintendo has proven once again that when it comes to their games the Sky’s the floor.
[NO BARKLEY NO PEACE]
I give the review 8.8.
Chase the morning
Yield for nothing.
Sooo, you did ALL of this, to troll? You must be really bored.
Who would take the time to type this?
Sooo, you did ALL of this, to troll? You must be really bored.
plagiarism! Well not really, just pathetic you took the time to turn someones positive review of the game into a negative one and then added some insults.
7.5 on that review.
Aww that's cute. Yer so funny.
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