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I don't hate Kaiden and unlike a few Mass Effect players didn't enjoy the idea of losing anyone. Hell, I've got the Paragon symbol tattooed on my shoulder! But I usually picked Ashley to live. Partly because Ashley had more to live for (a family of little sisters looking up to their tough hero, vs Kaidan who had nothing but some old military pals like Shep) and partly because I enjoyed her company more (Kaidan saying he wanted to talk to me, all googly-eyed vs Ashley nervously saying "Ma'am..." to all my shameless flirting) and partly because Ashley was more useful in combat to me (Girl can wear heavy armor and take a heavy beating. Kaidan can't.)
I actually never disliked Kaiden in ME1, and find him quite a bit more likable in ME3. Ashley pissed me off always questioning my motives the way she did. Plus, I think Kaiden has better powers in ME3...Ashley didn't really synergize well with my teams.