Review by CXKid

"The Reason I hate Castlevania"

A few days ago I was looking through my games for games I could review when I came across a pile of crap, I found my copy of Castlevania: The Adventure, or as every part of the game calls it, The Castlevania Adventure. I played this game as a kid and remember getting controller-smashing-ly frustrated at it, causing me to hate everything Castlevania. Whenever I see something branded with the Castlevania name, I am reminded of this game and immediately stop any thoughts of buying it. If I find Symphony of the Night I might give it a try because if it deserves even half the praise it gets it'll still be awesome. Anyway, review time!

Story 3/10
Dracula is back(again) so a vampire hunter, in this case Simon's distant cousin Christopher, has to kill him(again). Seriously, do vampire hunters have anything better to do than kill Dracula? Go kill Edward from Twilight, that'll shut the fangirls up.

Graphics 4/10
The graphics would be plain and unremarkable, but everything has a two-frame animation so it's worse. Oh, except Christopher, he has two three-frame animations, exciting! You won't have too much trouble figuring out what things are but you will have trouble figuring out why they want Christopher dead. And the backgrounds aren't much better, most of them are completely static with little to no detail. Sometimes it's just a plain white background. The graphics in this game will not keep you coming back for more.

Music/Sound 5/10
The music won't give you headache but it's hardly Grammy-winning material either. Nothing you'll hum later in the day.

The sounds are, slightly good, maybe a 5.2. The whip sounds like a...well not really like a whip, unless Chris is using a special anti-vampire whip that makes a different sound than you would ever expect any whip to make. everything else is you basic bleeps and bloops aside from the occasional *thud* of getting hit.

Gameplay 4/10
The gameplay is definitely one of the best parts of the game, it still sucks and it still sucks hard, but it doesn't suck quite as hard as some other things in the game. Chris can do three things, he can crouch, he can whip stuff, and he can jump, which he does by taking his crouching pose and popping into the air. Apparently Chris just left the Jekyll & Hyde School of Ways to Piss of Gamers because he moves SLOW. I'm not saying every protagonist should move at the speed of light (a la Sonic), but seriously Chris loses races to snails! And the enemies are just ridiculous there's the mudmen that can never actually hurt you unless the controls feel like being unresponsive, the weird skeletal dog-rabbit things that are only different from the mudmen in that they take two hits to kill, the bats that sometimes chase after and sometimes they don't but either way they'll screw you over in some way or another, the hawks that go straight for Chris' undetailed face because apparently Dracula has an army of trained hawks he's been waiting to use, and don't even get me started on the bosses. Oh but it gets better, there are parts that require precision jumping and I mean pixel-perfect and this is only made worse by the fact that you 1) can't change your trajectory in mid-air and 2) can jump a phenomenally small height which I guess is more realistic but it really detracts from the fun. Anyway like Simon Chris can upgrade his whip from leather to chain to fire-throwing. Yeah, Link get's a sword that shoots laser beams, Chris and Simon get a whip that shoots fire. Sadly the fire-whip wins. The levels are divided into four timed stages but good luck getting further than the second stage because of the pixel-perfect jumping you have to do. And these stages can take upwards around an hour to complete despite most having only a 10-15 minute timer because when you die and reset to a checkpoint the timer resets to whatever it was at when you hit the checkpoint. Oh and you will be doing the same part over and over, you only get three lives however you get unlimited continues. Using a continue resets your score and brings you back to the beginning of the stage but who plays a game on any home system, portable or otherwise, to get a high score?

Control 4/10
The control is sluggish and sometimes unresponsive, usually when a hawk is coming to rip Chris' eyes out.

Replayability 10/10
Yeah, this game has exactly one good point, it has a lot of replay value but that's because you'll want revenge for all the cheap deaths you suffered.

Frustration Factor 10/10
Let's put it this way, if there were a rant-inducing drug, this game would be one of the ingredients.

Fun Factor 3/10
This game isn't even fun, it's just PAINFUL! I'd say more but that's all there is to be said.

If you are either a huge Castlevania fan or a huge masochist by all means download the ROM. Everyone else, stay as far away as possible, if you see this game buy it only to ensure no one else has to suffer this torture.

NOTICE TO CASTLEVANIA FANBOYS/GIRLS: I await your poorly written hatemail full of grammatical errors with open arms.

Verdict 40.5% rounded to 4/10 for GameFAQs scoring
I banish this game to the black hole!

Reviewer's Rating:   2.0 - Poor

Originally Posted: 05/05/10

Game Release: Castlevania: The Adventure (US, 12/31/89)

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