Review by Shady
"This is one of the few games that actually deserves a one"
I have heard about many bad games in the history of video gaming, but I had never actually tried many of them, as I always like to actually enjoy the games I play. Well, that was not the case today. I was searching around the web for some bad Genesis games when I came across Barney's Hide and Seek Adventure. I had heard many bad things about it, and I just wanted to see how bad it was for myself. Needless to say, this game is utter crap. Want to know why? Well, you will just have to wade through my bashing here..
Sadly, the graphics are actually the best part of this purple dinosaur's game. The graphics are not that bad by themselves, but the animations are what really puts this score down. Barney's animations are just plain horrible. After you rescue a friend, he will clap his hands together and say, ''And remember, I love you'' or something to that effect. As corny as what Barney says is, the clapping animation is awful. I mean, it makes the poor chump look like a fairy. I seriously wonder what the developers were smoking when they made this game. Sure, it's intended for little kids, but us reviewers are always looking for something to bash.
The backgrounds and characters themselves are actually colorful, but they are just plain annoying to look at. The kids look way too happy to see Barney, and they look like midgets compared to him. The other characters that you encounter on your journey through this wad of crap usually have a stupid little smile on their face or a frown. Doing a special request for the frowning objects will put a smile on their face, but it's not really worth it. I'll save that for the gameplay section. Anyway, the graphics are pretty bad overall, and they are not a nice visual to look at.
Awful, awful, awful. The sound doesn't seem too bad when you first start, despite Barney's awful voice, but as you go on it gets worse and worse. Barney is just an annoying character, and how he has became so successful is something we will never know for sure. Sadly, you will have to put up with Barney throughout the entire game because, well, it is his game.
Going through the game is a task itself, but the sound doesn't make it any easier. Barney will speak at any opportunity, as you walk along the levels. For example, in the underwater level, you will hear Barney mutter such stupid remarks as ''Oh look! There's a clam!''. That gets annoying fast. Couple that with Barney himself just looking stupid and you have one pathetic little game, and I haven't even talked about the gameplay yet. Joy.
As for the music, you probably won't pay much attention to it because Barney, being the glory hog that he is, will be rambling on like a blithering idiot for most of the game. For what there is, the music is pretty bad, too. It's the usual stuff from the pathetic little TV show that nearly everyone used to watch when they were little tikes. I never really watched it and that is definitely a good thing. Barney sucks. 'Nuff said.
As the name of the game says, this is a hide and seek adventure featuring Barney. Your object in the game is to find five ''hidden'' kids and five gifts. It doesn't matter whether you do or not, but I'll get into that later. As you play the game, you will come across cutscenes that will tell how many kids and gifts you found in each level, which I would call bad storytelling. Actually, it's not storytelling. Man, I am such a mess right now. That's what this game will do to you.
Like I said above, the whole point of the game is to find your five friends and five gifts in a game of hide and seek. Doing so is very boring, as the levels are very uneventful. Sure, you can help certain animals and objects, but it is very stupid, especially considering that Barney will make some retarded comment after every time you help. ''And remember, I love you''. Ugh.
Finding the children and five gifts is rather easy, as you can always see them. Also, Barney himself will make a comment, giving away where they are right away. They are usually behind a box or something, and you can see atleast half of their body, or in the case of the gifts, you will see half of the gift. When you do find the children, Barney will give them a hug and tell them that he loves them. That makes me sick to my stomach. Stupid Barney. When you find a gift, it will magically unwrap and will become an item that has no point in the game whatsoever. In fact, you can go through the whole game by finding as little objects you want.
That's right, no matter what, you can't lose in this game. Nope. You can go through the entire game without finding any children or any gifts, and you will still win. You can't even fall off a cliff to kill Barney. He will hold up a stop sign and tell you to wait right there until it's safe. That takes away the one thing that could make this game fun, and that would be to kill Barney. Oh well, there's always those programs on the internet that will let you kill him. God bless the net.
There is something like four levels to play through in the game, with each one more stupider than the previous. You can play on a farm, underwater, in a musical environment, and just a regular ol' place. Each of the levels fit their theme, though, so I guess all is not lost. Still, the levels are pathetic and are not fun to play at all. Then again, the overall gameplay is just plain bad. It definitely needs a lot of work.
Why, oh why, do the controls have to be so bad? There are several problems with the controls that need to be fixed if there ever is another Barney game (I hope not). First of all, Barney moves *very* slowly and it is just a pain to manuever him through each level. In fact, it is best just to walk through the entire game instead of jumping or whatever else may need be. After all, you can't lose!
That brings me to my next point, the A, B, and C buttons. All of them serve the same purpose, but they do different things throughout the game. The basic function for them is to blow a kiss (yeah, that's right), so you can help the creatures in the game. I don't see how that can help someone, but this game is messed up royally anyways. The second function the keys can do is to jump, but you can only do that when you are near a platform. The third, and final, function is used to find your friends and gifts. I did not like the control at all, as I don't see why the developers just couldn't have used one button for each function. Awful.
Replay Value (LOW)
I will never play this game again, unless for some reason I lose this review and need to write another one. That's it, and I am glad. Even if this game was enjoyable, it wouldn't have much replay value do to it only having four freaking levels to go through! Bad, bad job done here.
Fun Factor (VERY LOW)
Fun? In a Barney game? I doubt even the toddlers would enjoy this game, as that dumb ol' dinosaur might scare the kids. Yes, his animations are pretty scary. It is pretty freaky just to play this game anyways, and I wouldn't even think about playing it at night.
Challenge (VERY LOW)
This game is not challenging, not even for toddlers. It will take about five minutes tops just to beat the game. There is no difficulty settings, as you can only do the same thing over and over again. Maybe if there were more levels, the challenge could be higher, but I highly doubt it. The levels are a walk in the park anyways. This is just another bad subject on another bad game.
Rent or Buy?
Ha. You must be kidding me. Who in their right mind would ever want to buy this awful, awful, awful sorry excuse for a video game? It's not worth a rental, nor is it worth a buy. Wait, scratch that. It is worth a buy for less than $1, just so you can destroy the cartridge in whatever way you feel the need to. It can be quite fun.
- Umm, it's made for children
- That's it
- Bad graphics
- Awful sound
- Torrid gameplay and controls
- Just about everything
And the Ugly:
- Barney's awful animations and expressions
Do not play this turd of a game. Do not get this. Stay away. You shouldn't even get it for little kids, because Barney will probably scare the poor tikes. If you've got the cartridge, I suggest burning it, stomping on it, smashing it with a hammer, or whatever creative ways you can think of to destroy it. Yes, it is that bad.
Reviewer's Rating: 0.5 - Unplayable
Originally Posted: 11/26/00, Updated 11/26/00
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