Review by Timmy Big Hands

Reviewed: 06/28/01 | Updated: 06/28/01

The winner of TBH's Golden Turkey award!

The running for the award of Timmy Big Hands' NES Golden Turkey award was tough. Although there have been some excellent NES games released, the console also had its fair share of stinkers. The Golden Turkey award goes to the worst game on its respective console. Conan the Barbarian was strong for the GT, as was the unplayable X-men and Star Wars, and Amagon and Bad STreet Brawler were dark horses in the championship for having 2 of the worst heroes ever. Still, amid all the controversy, the champion is none other than Bokosuka wars.

The basic gameplay is you have to go ungodly long distances from point A to point B. Your obstacles are the incredibly ugly single-sprite monsters that are all over the place. If you are unfortunate enough to run into one you will engage in battle mode in which random thingies appear, and either you win or get game over. The problem with these battles is that you have no control over the outcome! How did Nintendo okay this one for sale?

Gameplay (1/10): Get from point A to point B and avoid crap that's in the way. Also, as a ''bonus'' you can collect friends that aid you in battle. Too bad they're pretty much useless since they all get killed right away. Just moving across all 1,000 spaces in the first level is hard as hell, and very unrewarding. Guess what you get for completing the first incredibly long level? Another incredibly long level! Whopee!!

Graphics (1/10): There is no background at all when you're running around. Its all black, talk about fun to look at! On top of that you, your friends and your enemies are consisted of ugly sprites that don't look like anything in particular. I don't care if the NES is 8-bit, crap like that is inexcusable.

Sound (1/10): One thing the NES has been very good at over the years is creating irritating, tinny music and sound effects. Some games like Contra and Kirby have managed to create good music for the little grey box, but BW has nothing to listen to but grating noises. Again, the NES is 8-bit so I wouldn't expect CD-perfect sound or anything, but come on!

Value (1/10): Even though you can download the ROM for free, its not even worth it to download the ROM and load it up on your emulator. You'd have to have the patience of Job or be a masochist just to get past the first or second level, and after you do that you'll be more than likely to ask yourself, ''Why'd I do that?'' Besides, even if you're screwed up enough to enjoy the gameplay, there just isn't enough to do to hold anyone's interest for more than 5 minutes.

The verdict (1/10): The lame gameplay idea, lack of interaction during fights, ugly graphics, self-destruction inducing music, and the fact that the game has been branded with TBH's Golden Turkey award should be enough to keep you away. You've been warned.

BTW, if you're a fan of bad movies by the likes of Ed Wood, you'll probably get a little enjoyment out of downloading the ROM.

Rating:   0.5 - Unplayable

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