Review by Metal Slug

"Dried and burnt out, chemical stained."

You won’t understand, nor will you ever understand the true potential pain video games can deliver upon the gamer; that is until you play “Little Red Hood”. Only a handful of people would have completed this atrocity and come out sane, with good reason. The game is based on the French fairytale “Little Red Riding Hood”, with that a little girl travels off into the woods in search of the house her grandma resides in.

And that’s about where all connections between the two lie.

Upon entering the woods, Red Hood finds out that not everyone agrees with her being there. In fact no one does. But that doesn’t stop her striding on; she has a few moves up her sleeve, two to be precise. Her first would be her ferocious kick. Now don’t start thinking that this would be used to counter the enemy’s attacks, oh no no. The kick can only be used against trees, to knock the sweet fruit from its branches. Her second move is her ability to jump. Apart from only having to jump once throughout the whole game, it’s a great addition.

Red Hood – to progress through all the levels of the woods – must find a key. Much like in other games the key is hidden. Much unlike in other games you’re not given any hints to where the key is. The whole basic concept of the game is to find this key and pass through the exit gates. To find the key you have to randomly kick trees, pick up fruit and even travel down magical staircases that just suddenly decide to appear. The only problem is, is that you have no idea if your on the right track.

One such example of a level would be to: defeat 5 enemies, kick 10 trees and pick up the fruit, travel down 6 staircases and pick up the key on the last. Once back up kick another few trees and then travel down one last staircase. Sure, this would be no problem if you were aided by little “bloops” telling you, you were on the right path. But there aren’t any. You have no fucking clue where you’re heading. You could spend a whole day on one level and not know if you’ve achieved anything at all.

But don’t fret Mister Stormcloud. Turn that half-empty cup of water, into a half-full one. Throughout each level will be at least one shop where you can purchase goods at. And in every one there will be three items that will abet you on your journey, as long as you have enough cash to buy them. The first item is the invincibility potion. It’s guarantied to make you indomitable against every enemy, as long as it’s Pokemon-creature (the most basic, common enemy). The second item is a heart, which restores most of your health. The third, and last item, is the slingshot. Although instead of picking up rocks and slinging them at your adversaries, Red Hood decides it would be more effective to throw the slingshot itself at them. Once again this item will only work on the pathetic Pokemon-creature.

I’d also like to note that the bull plays a few cameos in the game. A bull you say? Shouldn’t the wolf be Red Hood’s main antagonist? Well I - as well as the original fairytale - thought something along those lines, but details, details, details.

And that’s pretty much it. To say this is the most frustrating game in the history of mankind would be an understatement. Apart from not knowing if you’re leading Red Hood to her certain doom, or if you’re slowing losing your sanity, this is a great game! If – for some strange reason – you like to play, or own crappy games. Please, please use this review as a catalyst. You won’t be able to find much worse.

Reviewer's Rating:   0.5 - Unplayable

Originally Posted: 11/06/03

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