Review by Stealth_Beast

Reviewed: 11/03/08

Spore: The funnest, most boring game ever.

6.... Ouch.

As this game is ACTUALLY 5 different games combined, it's only logical that I judge them individually.

Cell phase:

So you start out as a cell, either carnivorous or vegetarian (No omnivorous option from the start, but you can quickly do so about less than 2 minutes into the game.) The game looks promising. Every choice you make directly affects your survival, and every change you make to your generation is a commitment. The game seems light-hearted right now... The selection of parts are incredibly limiting so you think nothing of it. You eventually advance... not realising the severity of your choices as a cell.

Creature phase:

Nevermind the transition from water to land, you're a creature now! The light-hearted decision of carnivorism, vegetarianism, or omnivorism you made as a cell will be the single, most serious factor to affect you for the rest of the game. You will be limited by these parameters for the rest of the game. Sorry.

In order to advance in Creature phase, you must either kill other nests, or become their allies. No exceptions, no third options, nothing. Kill or be their personal butt buddies with no in-between. Herbivores, due to their mouth selections, are the worste fighters. Carnivores are the worste socialisers. What's odd is that the omnivores are better at killing than carnivores, and better at socialising than herbivores... What's up with that?

Theres absolutely no commitment to your parts here... Making your decisions feel artificial.

Tribal phase:

The decisions you made in creature phase are now almost entirely obselete. Your socialisation is useless because now you use instruments, and your natural weapons are useless because now you use stone hammers... The only evolutionary choice that you have made this far that will seriously affect you is... you guess it... the choice you made in cell phase: Carnivore, Herbivore, Omnivore.

The currency in this system is food. If you're an herbivore or omnivore, that should be absolutely no problem, you will literally be getting food faster than you can spend it. If your a carnivore (especially a not-so-aggressive carnivore) you're screwed. You will have to hunt the nests of creatures around you (overhunting will screw you in the long run, yet seems unnavoidable), fish (which takes too long), or take down an epic (you'll spend most of the food you get from this creature trying to replenish the population you lost in the battle).

Congradulations, head to the next phase. NEEEEEXT

Civilisation phase:

I'm just gonna get to the point... Everything you've done to your creature up until this point is... pointless. You won't even get to see your creatures unless you feel so inclined to zoom all the way into your city.

At this point, you have been throwned into 1 of these three extreme catagories: An extreme military dictatorship (Nazi Germany), an extremist religious country (Iraq), or an extreme trade-based nation (Some sort of hypothetical country where no one does anything but trade...).. Apparently, choosing to be peaceful means choosing to be religious.

So you have united humanity, probably by clicking the "button that ends it all" button (A button dependant on your playtype that automatically destroys all other nations). Welcome to the space program.

Space phase:

Congradulations on your entry into space. Everything you have ever did up unto this point is obselete. Choosing between the jaws and the spikes, between the claws and feet, allying with that tribe or burning their hut, or that really hard decision you made between taking over that city near the spice geysers or the one with the sea-dock.... ALL of that has no affect on your final outcome whatsoever. You might as well have pressed "new game" and skipped to this phase, because it wouldn't have made any difference.

You are now destined to run around like a headless chicken, performing stupid little tasks for your allies, fending off spontaneous appearances of the Grox, and attempting to complete achievements. Apart from reaching the center of the galaxy, there is no particular goal.

The thing that irks me the most about this phase... is that you only have 1 ship. At any given moment you will be fighting 4-12 enemies at a time. Usually, these enemies will be about = to you in HP and weaponry... Apparently, my wealthy multi-star system can only afford to comission 1 ship at a time. Oh, and don't bother with ally ships, they'll just immediatly die and hurt your bonds between allies...

Graphics: Weak. On all full-settings, the game is not graphically impressive by any stretch of the imagination.

Content: Everyone says that spore is infinitly depthful... That's a lie. It's just procedurally generated, which makes it about at depthful as Diablo 2. Just because you can't memorise it doesn't mean it's not predictably boring.

Gameplay: Fun the first time through. Maybe even the second time through if you were either entirely carnivorous or entirely vegetarian the first time. Every time after that makes you realise how incredible monotonous it is.

If you have a WII, rent it... It's a good game when it lasts. But Dear God... Do not buy it.

Rating:   3.0 - Fair

Product Release: Spore (US, 09/07/08)

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