Review by MallowOrnitier

Reviewed: 12/21/01 | Updated: 12/21/01

"Aww, Lara, you made the Bangles cry!"

@_@ Never in my life have I played a game as confusing as this... what was Eidos smoking when they hallucinated The Last Revelation?! Confusing, boring (yes, boring. Except for some things I'll talk about in a few minutes.) and nothing new under the gun.

''Mommy! Mommy! Look! That lady has boobies!''

Eidos quality... suffers from a few problems (obvious pixellation, disappearing walls, those *CENSORED* camera angles...) but Lara is done beautifully. FMV's are great, and I wouldn't leave home without em. But Lara poses a few questions. 1: Why don't ''the kids'' sag all over the place? C'mon, Eidos, at least be realistic. 2: No one else's hair is that bouncy. Why does she get special treatment? 3: Uh, shouldn't she either have a serious backache, or wouldn't she have snapped in half by now? Or at least fallen off the edge of cliffs/ what-have-you?

''Listen to the sounds... of silence...''


Yeah, this is Tomb Raider. What, you expected background music? Well, what little sound there is is done very well, and of course I love the voice acting. (cept Jean-Yves. He's annoying...) But times like this I wish for Larson, Pierre, ?atla and Sophia to appear in the game. They ruled. Music is okay. Y'know, for Eidos.

''You're just so.... controlling!''


Here's where the game suffers. Okay, jumps are kinda easy, and guns draw/ retract/ whatever with ease. So why did I give this a 1? It takes... FOREVER to line up right with stuff, while she's turning, Christmas has already passed by twice, aiming is damn near impossible, and if you don't press a right button at the right time, you'll screw up the jump, and end up splattering into a bloody mess in the deserts of Egypt.

''It's just a game...''


Tomb Raider 1- basic moves. Jump, shoot, kill. TR2- okay, monkey swing (I think) glider, jump, shoot, swim, kill. TR3- Crawl, monkey swing, sprint, glider, jump, shoot, swim, kill. TR4- All the above, plus almost nothing. Seriously, the only fun thing is jumping off the train on the train level, or shooting the enemies off the train. Splat. Oh, and did I mention the endless level backtracking? Seriously annoying, and puzzles are difficult to solve.

''Lemme tell you a l'il story...''


Eh, yer basic pointless stuff. Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Lara and her mentor, Von Croy, were exploring Angkor Wat, which had some traps mysteriously installed in it, including switches. They were looking for a cursed artifact, and it was there that Lara found her famous, bottomless backpack (fit an M-16 in there... yeah right.) Yadda Yadda.... years later, Croy's cursed, Lara's exploring Egypt, and by chance meets him. @_@

''Let's see that again!''


The ending basically sucks (all it does is help you understand Chronicles a little better) so, I don't think you'd wanna play through the WHOLE THING- almost 40 levels- just to see everything again. Unless you're bored and wanna mess with the Minotaur things in that one level....

''SOLD! To the lady in red!''
''Actually, I was just renting...''

To rent or buy... hmmm... rent it first. Your opinion might be changed after playing through it once... I haven't touched that thing since. (My hands aren't immune to poison, ya know.) Unless you wanna waste $20 on this game when you could buy Chronicles...

Rating:   2.5 - Playable

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