---------------------------------------------------------------------- | Dragon Warrior VII | | QuickJoke List with Explanations | | Written By: Dalton Of Zeal | | Email: firstname.lastname@example.org | | | | | | Want to talk to me? | | | | My MSN account is under email@example.com | | | | My AIM account is JudeccaIscariot | | | | My ICQ # is 37184505 | | | | I love feedback! Email me and tell me what you think! | | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------- | | ------------- | | | \----------------| Version 4.0 | | | ------------- - Fixed the numbering of the jokes. 8P - Thanks to Rob for an explanation to Joke 57 that I would have never figured out on my own. - Thanks to Darius Kuizinas for finding four more jokes for the FAQ! - Thanks to Alain Blouin for finding two more jokes for this FAQ! - Thanks to Aric Maddux for another explanation to Joke 48. - Thanks to M Parker for info on Joke 42, and the explanation of Joke 41. - Thanks to John M Eyster for a possible explanation to Joke 5. - Thanks to Thomas Reese for a possible alternate explanation Joke 17. - Thanks to Katreena Killian for a new joke to add to the list. - Thanks to Nathan Strong for a possible explanation to Joke 5, explaining Joke 43, and for finding a joke I missed, which in his words, he "misquoted it horribly". But as long as it's close. - Thanks to j_mcdermid AT charter DOT net (I don't know his real name) for an explanation of Joke 15. - Also, thanks to sobriquet for finding the joke in Joke 34. - Finally, an extra special thanks to everyone who has read this FAQ and especially those who sent me a letter about it. I didn't expect much praise from anyone, but you guys have made me happy. I'm delighted to hear that this FAQ is enjoyable, and keep watching for more of my FAQs! |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | | | INTRODUCTION | | | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Howdy! My name is Dalton Of Zeal, a soon to be FAQ writer! But enough about boring old me.. What is this FAQ, you ask? Well, let me explain. If you've played through much of Dragon Warrior VII, you may have been attacked by or used an attack called QuickJoke. A QuickJoke is a command that tells a cheap little joke (usually a play on words), and attempts to make a group of enemies roll around and laugh. This FAQ is simply a list of all of the jokes I myself have run into, as well as a little explanation of each one, just in case you don't "get it." Some of the jokes don't make a lot of sense at first, and you really have to read them over. Q: How do I learn QuickJoke? A: Well, once you reach Dharma Temple, change one of your characters to a Jester class. Once you fight 58 battles, you'll learn QuickJoke. Q: What do you mean I won't "get" the jokes? I'm not stupid. A: Never said you were. It's just that a lot of the jokes require you to have played a great deal of the game and recognize a lot of monster names. Q: How does the FAQ work? A: Here's an example: Joke 1: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Explanation: (It's an obvious answer, not what people are expecting in a joke, and that's why it's funny.) Now, for the jokes themselves. I currently have 57 QuickJokes in this FAQ, but I imagine I probably missed a few. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with any jokes I missed, but send them in the exact wording that you see on-screen. Also note that a lot of the jokes mention Hork. Hork is a zombie-like enemy that has been in every Dragon Warrior game since DW2 for the NES. Joke 1: Heard the one about the Golem who was built like a brick house? (Golems are built out of stone, or in some cases, bricks. Har! Get it?) Joke 2: Where does a Hork go for education? Molding school. (Horks are moldy, so therefore, they go to molding school. Get it?) Joke 3: Heard the one about the Bombcrag who liked rock and roll? (Bombcrag is an enemy in the DW series that looks like a large rock with a face. Maybe this particular Bombcrag likes to roll?) Joke 4: What's a Slime with three eyes? Sliiime! (Three "i"s? Get it? Not "eyes", but the letter "i") Joke 5: A tidal wave hit some imps. The result, a missing Imp, possibly two. (Nathan Strong writes: for Joke #5, I think "Imp" is supposed to sound like "limb" (i.e. "a missing limb, possibly two".) (John M Eyster writes: The only humor I could find was in the "obvious answer" category. If a group of imps are hit by a tidal wave, a couple of them are likely to get washed away. Therefore, one or two of the imps will be missing. Thanks to both John and Nathan, who both have very good theories.) Joke 6: Metabbles never seem to gain weight. It's their high Metabbleism! ("metabbleism" sounds like "metabolism". High metabolism people gain much less weight than low metabolism people.) Joke 7: Florajay? Where's its mute sidekick Florabob? (Florajay - Flora = Jay. Florabob - Flora = Bob. Jay and his mute, or silent sidekick, Silent Bob. Jay and Silent Bob, the famed duo from Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, and the recent Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Pick up a copy of each today!) Joke 8: Diet? You've come to the wrong place. This is Slime Fast. ("Slime Fast" is basically "Slim Fast" with an "E" on the end. Slim Fast is a dieting program. Har har.) Joke 9: A Pirate wrote a play. It was rated, "Arrrrr!" (Movies unsuitable for young uns are rated "R" for "Restricted". Pirates are notorious for saying Arrrrrrrrr!, among other things such as stealing, drinking and losing limbs and replacing them with wooden pegs.) Joke 10: I Swordaroo the day I hurt a Banegaroo! (Swordaroo and Banegaroo are enemies in DWVII. Read the sentence slowly, and it says "I sort of rue the day I hurt a Banegaroo!" Clever!) Joke 11: A seafarer got a loan, but the high rate made him an irate Pirate! (Irate means angry, and irate and pirate rhyme.) Joke 12: Why did the Slime cross the bridge? To get to the other Slime! (It's basically the DWVII take on the classic chicken crossing the road joke. Rar.) Joke 13: He worried us as a Dancer, but he's Tamer now! (Dancer and Tamer are both character classes, but Tamer is taken as an adjective in this joke. Meaning, he worried us as a dancer, but he's tamer (or not so dangerous) now!) Joke 14: Bonerider. (Bonerider is the name of a monster. Real mature, Enix. 8P ) Joke 15: A guy made a Hork drawn carriage, but it wouldn't start. Not enough Hork. (Hork rhymes with torque, which means "the measured ability of a rotating element, as of a gear or shaft, to overcome turning resistance.") (Special thanks to j_mcdermid for this joke's explanation.) Joke 16: You taught an Imp to cast spells? That's a MageImp! (MageImp and Imp are both monsters, and Imps are known for their stupidity. "a MageImp" sounds a little like "Amazing". You taught an Imp to cast spells? That's amazing!) Joke 17: Are silver Slime smart? Yes, they're Metaly sharp! (Silver coloured Slime enemies are called Metaly.) (Thomas Reese writes On Joke 17 I would think that it means they’re Mentally sharp. I hope you consider this and thanks for writing this hilarious FAQ’s. You could be right! Thanks!) Joke 18: I'm not some sick freak! I said I beat a Mantipion! ("I beat a Mantipion" sounds kind of like "I beat a man to pee on." Umm, yeah.) Joke 19: Hey Sage, what Thyme is it? (Sage and Thyme are both kinds of spices. What "time" is it?) Joke 20: These Horks are too stupid even to be dorks! (Hork is a common enemy in DW games. Hork rhymes with dork) Joke 21: Hear about the new drink with a refreshing new taste? It's lemon and Slime! (Lemon and sLIME. Lemon and Lime is refreshing.) Joke 22: Let's play Cactiball. Three spikes and you're out! (Spikes = Strikes. 3 strikes and you're out in baseball. 8P) Joke 23: Hear about the cross-dressed bully? He became a Dragoon! (This one is pretty good. "Drag" as in dresses like a woman, and "Goon" as in thug or bully.) Joke 24: Nighty-night, SlimeNite! (Nite sounds like Night.) Joke 25: Eh, he might be a teen idol now, but he has no class! (I can only assume this means "class" as in Character Class. 8P TeenIdol is a character class from the game.) Joke 26: The brotherly bards have a new song, "Slime Has Come Today." ("TIME Has Come Today" is a song by the Chambers Brothers. Simply a rhyme joke.) Joke 27: Always an Inn, never an out! (Inn = In. Cute.) Joke 28: Florajay grew an extra wing. It joined a three wing circus. (Get it? Three wing = Three ring?) Joke 29: Why do Zombies make good scribes? They always meet their deadlines! (Zombies are dead. "Dead" line... Enix, you can do better than that.) Joke 30: "There's an Armorpion in the castle!" "Get it to go outside!" (There's an Armor peeing in the castle, I think? 8P) Joke 31: Have you heard the one about the flat Mimic? She had no chest! (Now here's a good one. Mimic is a fake treasure chest enemy, and since the Mimic is "flat", she has no chest.) Joke 32: What does a Slime use to calculate? A Slime rule! (Slide rhymes with Slime. A slide rule is a type of ruler used in certain mathematical operations) Joke 33: An Eggplaton was in a harsh battle. It won in sudden death over Slime! (This one's a little clever. "Sudden Death Overtime" is used to break a tie in certain games. It doesn't literally mean "death". But in this case, the Eggplaton caused sudden death to the slime. Hence, the name "Sudden Death Over Slime.) Joke 34: Hear about the Mariner who found wealth as a Ranger? (This has got to be a reference to that baseball player (Alex Rodriguez, I think) that was a Seattle Mariner, then got traded or signed or whatever to the Texas Rangers. The big deal with it being he signed some absolutely ludicrous contract for like $250 million.) (Thanks to sobriquet for the above explanation!) Joke 35: An Eggeron sued, but it had nothing to stand on! (Eggeron is a DW7 enemy, shaped like an egg. It has no legs, and therefore cannot stand. In the judical system, if you have no solid evidence to back up your acquisations, then they say you have nothing to stand on.) Joke 36: A Hork went on vacation. It ordered tomb service! ("Tomb" rhymes with "Room". Room service!) Joke 37: Hear about the sad robber? He's a Thief in grief! (Thief = Robber. Thief rhymes with grief, which can sometimes be used as another word for "sad") Joke 38: A Rushfish swam into a barrier. "Dam!" (When swimming, Rushfish hit a "dam" underwater. Dam rhymes with the ever-too-commonly used "Damn!") Joke 39: The scruffy bards have a new song, "Slime is on My Side." (TIME is on My Side is a song by the popular rock band The Rolling Stones.) Hear the monster Christmas carol? "Hork! The Herald Angels Sing!" Joke 40: A Warrior is much too thick to be much of a worrier. ("Warrior" rhymes with "worrier". It means that a warrior is too thickheaded to worry about things.) Joke 41: If you don't laugh at this joke, I'll throw you in the monkey pit! (This isn't technically a joke. It's more of a threat. Pretty funny when God says it to you though.) Joke 42: There's a play about a Slime rider. "Electraslime in Blue!" (Electra Glide in Blue was a film from way back in 1973 starring Robert Blake.) Joke 43: Dammit, Amitt! (Amitt is one of the key characters in the introduction to Dragon Warrior VII. I guess this is what you say to him when he messes up.) (Both M Parker and Nathan Strong have emailed me with the proper explanation of this one. 43 is a play on a popular line from a song in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. "Damn it, Janet!". Thanks, guys!) Joke 44: Slimes like it slimy! (I don't see the humour in this one at all. It's cute, but still.. what does it mean?) (From M Parker: #44 is probably in the same vein as #14. Like "Chemists do it periodically, on tables". It probably refers to how they prefer their sex. Thanks, and eww... 8P ) Joke 45: SlimeNites are cowards. They can't sleep without their knight light. (Knight = Night. Slimes regularily attack knights, I believe.) Joke 46: A battle with a Dragon does tend to drag on. (This one is pretty funny! Basically, it means a battle with a dragon takes a long time and just gets dull, hence the word "drag". Dragon sounds like "drag on".) Joke 47: A CatMage went out to eat. It asked for extra potions! (An example of a joke you have to be well versed in the game to get. Potions are an MP recovering item, and CatMage uses a lot of MP casting spells, being a mage and all. It asked for extra potions, which sounds like "portions".) Joke 48: Dumbira is just a dumb irritant. (Dumbira is a DW7 enemy. Its name is pronounced "Dumb-eera", and the word "irritant" begins sounding like "eera". Meaning, Dumbira is dumb and irritating, I guess.) (From Aric Maddux: Hey, A quick comment on joke #48 ("Dumbira is just a dumb irritant.") in your faq: It seems possible to me that it might be a really slanted pun on the word ire, which genrally means to anger upset. So the ira part of dumbira could mean irritant in the sense of something that is upsetting or irrating.) Joke 49: A Troll got kicked out of the army. It missed Troll call. (Roll call = attendance. Roll rhymes with Troll.) Joke 50: I stepped on a monster and went slip Sliming away! ("Sliming" is in place of "Sliding". Meaning, he stepped on a monster and went slip sliding away! Slimes are slippery, right?) Joke 51: Where did the Golem go to shave? The Brickyard! (Golems are massive magical monsters composed of bricks and stones. If they need to shave, they go to a brickyard to leave their stubble behind, I guess.) Joke 52: Goin' somewhere? Engow! (Engow is the name of a town in DW7. Sounds like "Going somewhere? Then go!") Joke 53: SeaLipsies are really bad chaps. (Har. Lips can become "chapped", or worn out over time. "Chap" is a word commonly used by British and British impersonators to refer to any person. SeaLipsy is a DW7 enemy, and it probably does get bad chapped lips.) Joke 54: A guy has a monster girlfriend. Their relationship is Eggplatonic! (Eggplaton is a DW7 enemy. Platonic is defined as pure, passionless; nonsexual; philosophical. Eggplatonic. Get it?) Joke 55: What do you call a legless Octogon? An Octagon! (If you add an "E" to the end of Octagon, you get "Octagone". And since he has no legs, his legs are gone. Octagone! Har.) Joke 56: What do you call a bunch of Slime rolling down a hill? LandSlime! (Landslide sounds like Landslime. Heh.) (Thanks to Nathan Strong for this one) Joke 57: "A bikini-clad Mage cast Explodet on an island. *Poof!* No Bikini Atoll!" (Rob writes: This joke is in reference to the Pacific Island of Bikini Atoll which was used in H-bomb tests I believe. It also suggests that the mage's bikini was blown off.) (Thanks to Katreena Killian for this one) Joke 58: "Hear the monster Christmas carol? 'Hork! The Herald Angels Sing!'" (Hark = Hork. Pretty corny, though hearing a Hork sing it might be funny!) (Thanks to Darius Kuizinas and Alain Blouin for this one) Joke 59: Penthouse suite? No, I said, "Crestpent house? Sweet!" (Crestpent is a DW7 enemy, and "sweet" sounds like "suite". "Sweet!" is a slang term used to express extreme satisfaction or amazement. I know, it's not all that funny... it's just a case of rhyming words and misplaced punctuation. I think the "No! Money down!" joke from The Simpsons is much better.) (Thanks to Darius Kuizinas for this one) Joke 60: "That folksy bard has a new song, "Slimes, They are a Chargin!" (There's a song titled "The times they are a changin!" by Bob Dylan. "Slime" rhymes with "Time", and "chargin" looks a little like "changin". Slimes tend to charge into battle and get their slimy little behinds handed to them.) (Thanks to Darius Kuizinas for this one) Joke 61: "The leather shield will never yield!" (It's a rhyming joke. Shield rhymes with yield, and a shield is meant to protect the user and never give up. 8P) (Thanks to Darius Kuizinas for this one) Joke 62: "Cannibox do the Hustle? No, it doesn't have Defeat for it." ("Defeat" sounds like "the feet". So a Cannibox cannot Hustle because he doesn't have "the feet" for it. Canniboxes (or more notably Mimics) are known to cast Defeat a lot in battle.) (Thanks to Alain Blouin for this one) Joke 63: "A monster felt unwelcome. It was slime to move on." (Slime = Time. It was time to move on. 8P) (Thanks to Alain Blouin for this one) Joke 64: ""A Meranza wanted to run off with its lover. But it cantaloupe!" (This one is kind of hard to get. Meranza is an enemy from DW7 that looks a bit like a cantaloupe. "Cantaloupe" sounds a bit like "can't elope". Read the joke, and it sounds like "A Meranza wanted to run off with its lover. But it can't elope!) This FAQ is Copyright 2003 by Dalton Of Zeal I trust you are not stupid enough to steal my work. Stealing is bad.. and I know it's not technically "work", but I took the time to type the FAQ up and all. Please respect that.