Review by E-Z

"A Game Gone Wrong"

Dateline: November 18th, 1984

Deep within an underground facility, a young “Nintendo” company tries to revolutionize the way that games are played in American society. Their mission: to have a game completely produced by monkeys. The game they produced was “KGANR”(they’re monkeys, cut ‘em a break). This was a total failure that never even reached American store shelves.

Flash forward: November 18th, 1999

Seasoned game veterans “Activision” decide to produce a game for the fledgling system “Playstation 2”. Remembering the attempts of “Nintendo”, they try the same idea. This time, the results meet with disaster again. The product is “Orphen: Scion of Sorcery”.
Proving once again that monkeys should not be allowed to produce video games.

Ok, anyway...

This game is a disaster. A horrible twisted mangled wreck of a game. I’m having a lot of difficulty deciding where to begin. Should I start with the terrible plot line, the mediocre graphics, or the bad voice-overs? I shed a tear just thinking about the $5 I spent renting the game.

Graphics: 4/10

Ok, the graphics aren’t totally bad. Well, the level graphics aren’t. With the awesome power of the Playstation 2, you’d think it would be hard to make people that look that stupid. Their movements are poorly looped during conversations and they don’t seem to be making the proper gestures to suit what they’re talking about. I can only assume that they made sense when the game was dubbed in Japanese. The levels look good though, and so do the monsters (I’ve got to give them some credit).

Sound: 3/10

I don’t remember there being much along the lines of background music, but I’m sure it was there. That just goes to show how prominent it was. The voices aren’t that bad, it’s just that there is a wicked pause between each person speaking. And some of the people have voices so annoying that I wish I could put subtitles on and the volume off. God forbid that you should be trying to play the game late at night in a quiet house (like I did). You will wake up everyone in a 5-mile radius.

Gameplay: 5/10

I suppose the game is easy to handle. You have to use the analog stick to move your character. If you use the D-pad you will open the options menu. Boy does that get irritating. Battle (on the rare occasion that you should have to participate in one) isn’t too bad. No moving is involved, keeping the role-play aspects of the game. But you attack on a real time basis. Sometimes you can get panicked but it’s virtually impossible to die so you’ll get over it.

Story: 1/10

The story is by far the most horrific aspect of the game. You (Orphen, the almighty scion of sorcery) are on a boat, it wrecks, you end up on an island, and fun ensues (please note the blatant sarcasm). You are taken through the fun exploits Orphen and his crew, which varies along with the story line, through boring dungeon after boring dungeon, traps that an infant with no thumbs could avoid, and a plot that could dumbfound even the smartest of us. You’ll be left saying, “What the hell just happened” again and again. Advancements in the story line come clear out of the blue (anyone who’s played the game should just think of the crystal egg the first time you find it).

Replay: 1/10

I could barely stand turning the game back on once I turned it off, let alone playing it after I had already beaten it.

To rent or to buy?

If morbid curiosity gets the best of you and you must try the game, rent it. If you have the standard Blockbuster Video 5 day rental, you can beat the game no problem. You will have no urge to play it after that.

Reviewer's Rating:   1.0 - Terrible

Originally Posted: 01/16/01, Updated 01/16/01

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