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    Game Script by Viogamer

    Version: 1.03 | Updated: 09/03/16 | Search Guide | Bookmark Guide

    Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories - Game script
    Platform: Playstation 2
    Version: 1.03
    Completed: 11/5/08
    Last updated: 03/09/16
    Copyright Viogamer 2016
    Table of contents
    a)	Introduction
    b)	Version history
    c)	About the script
    d)	The script
    1)	 Soldier (Martinez)
    2)	 Cleaning House (Martinez)
    3)	 Conduct Unbecoming (Martinez)
    4)	 Cholo Victory (Phil)
    5)	 Boomshine Blowout (Phil)
    6)	 Truck Stop (Phil)
    7)	 Shakedown (Marty)
    8)	 Fear the Repo (Marty)
    9)	 Waking Up the Neighbours (Marty)
        10) O, Brothel, Where Art Thou? (Marty)
        11) Got Protection? (Marty)
        12) Marked Men (Phil)
        13) When Funday Comes (Louise)
        14) Takin' Out the White Trash (Louise)
        15) D.I.V.O.R.C.E. (Louise)
        16) To Victor, the Spoils (Louise)
        17) Jive Drive (Lance)
        18) Hose the Hoes (Louise)
        19) Robbing the Cradle (Louise)
        20) Nice Package (Umberto)
        21) Balls (Umberto)
        22) Papi Don't Screech (Umberto)
        23) Havana Good Time (Umberto)
        24) The Audition (Lance)
        25) Money for Nothing (Forbes)
        26) Caught as an Act (Lance)
        27) Leap and Bound (Forbes)
        28) The Bum Deal (Forbes)
        29) Snitch Hitch (Lance)
        30) From Zero to Hero (Lance)
        31) Brawn of the Dead (Lance)
        32) Blitzkrieg (Lance)
        33) The Mugshot Longshot (Mendez brothers)
        34) Hostile Takeover (Mendez brothers)
        35) Unfriendly Competition (Mendez brothers)
        36) High Wire (Mendez brothers)
        37) Turn on, Tune in, Bug out (Lance)
        38) Accidents Will Happen (Reni)
        39) The Colonel's Coke (Reni)
        40) Kill Phil (Reni)
        41) Say Cheese (Reni)
        42) Home's on the Range (Gonzalez)
        43) Purple Haze (Gonzalez)
        44) Kill Phil: Part 2 (Reni)
        45) Taking the Fall (Lance)
        46) White Lies (Lance)
        47) Where it Hurts Most (Lance)
        48) Steal the Deal (Diaz)
        49) The Exchange (Diaz)
        50) Farewell To Arms (Gonzalez)
        51) Burning Bridges (Mendez brothers)
        52) Blitzkrieg Strikes Again (Lance)
        53) Lost and Found (Lance)
        54) So Long Schlong (Reni) 
        55) Domo Arigato Domestoboto (Diaz)
        56) In The Air Tonight (Reni)
        57) Light My Pyre (Lance)
        58) Over the Top (Diaz)
        59) Last Stand (Diaz)
       e) Pager messages
       f) News reports   
       g) Contact info
       h) End of FAQ and credits
    a) Introduction
    Welcome! You are currently looking at a page that contains the game 
    script for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories. This FAQ basically 
    goes over what happens in each mission and cut scene. It also goes 
    over the pager messages and news reports. Before we get to the 
    script, here are a few things that you should know:
    This document is copyright Viogamer 2016. It should only be found on 
    the following websites:
    If you find this FAQ on a website not listed above, let me know 
    immediately (see section g for contact info). If you're going to 
    print off this FAQ, please don't put it in a magazine. And PLEASE 
    b) Version history
    Version 1.00: The first complete version of the FAQ. 11/5/08
    Version 1.01: Correct a mistake in the script for the last mission. 
    Version 1.02: Corrected a couple of mistakes. 01/6/09
    Version 1.03: Updated contact info and corrected a couple of 
    mistakes. Been a while! 03/9/16
    c) About the script
    This FAQ contains dialogue in mission cut scenes and during mission 
    gameplay. -CUTSCENE- and -END OF CUTSCENE- are used to separate cut 
    scenes from actual gameplay. 
    There are two Phil's in this game - Phil Cassidy and Phil Collins. I 
    will use 'PHIL' for both of them, but this may cause confusion. So to 
    distinguish them, I will make this key:
    PHIL = Phil Cassidy
    *PHIL = Phil Collins
    The name in brackets after a mission title is whom the mission is 
    for. For example, if you see '(Diaz)', it means the mission is for 
    Warning: The script contains foul language!
    d) The script
    Here we go!
    1) Soldier (Martinez)
    [A Barracks OL truck drives into Fort Baxter Air Base. Victor 'Vic' 
    Vance exits the truck and is approached by a drill sergeant]
    [Cut to Sergeant Jerry Martinez sitting behind the desk in his 
    billet. He is holding a cigar. Vic enters and salutes]
         VIC: Vic Vance reporting for duty, sir!
    MARTINEZ: [laughs] Relax, relax. Are you well?
         VIC: Yes. Thank you, Sergeant.
    MARTINEZ: Good. In here, you can call me Jerry.
         VIC: OK.
    MARTINEZ: OK, "Jerry", huh? [laughs] Now, Vic, tell me. Why did you 
              sign up, huh? To stay out of jail? Because you like getting 
              shouted at, huh? What makes you polish your boots and put 
              bullets in your guns in the hopes that maybe you'll get to 
              shoot someone, huh? [laughs]
         VIC: I got a difficult family. I got responsibilities.
    MARTINEZ: What, kids? A broad giving you shit, huh?
         VIC: No, brothers. One is real sick - asthma. And I gotta pay 
              the bills. The other, well, maybe he's sick, too, but in a 
              different way. My mom's a mess.
    MARTINEZ: So you joined the army to get rich?
         VIC: Not exactly. But, you know, my dad, he came here from DR. 
              We didn't have a lot of opportunities. What else was I 
              supposed to do? Why did you join up?
    MARTINEZ: To get rich! [laughs]
         VIC: W-why are you messing with me, Sergeant?
    MARTINEZ: I ain't. Chill. Relax, take a seat. 
    [Vic sits down]
    MARTINEZ: Look, Vic, there are plenty of opportunities for a man who
              knows the game to make real money. So...
         VIC: I don't want any trouble, man.
    MARTINEZ: Who wants trouble? Nobody. Everybody wants to relax. No 
              trouble. And there's plenty of money to be made, nice and 
    [Vic stands up]
         VIC: Listen, I don't think this is for me. So, if there's 
              nothing else...
    MARTINEZ: Hey, relax, huh? Come on, Vic, I need a favour. No risk.
         VIC: So, why do you need me if there's no risk?
    MARTINEZ: Because I gotta take registration. Besides, you're not on 
              duty for a couple of days. Listen, you take my bike, you go 
              over to the airport and you pick up a package for me, huh?
         VIC: OK. Just this one favour, and that's it.
    MARTINEZ: Good.
    [Vic heads for the door. Before he leaves, he salutes. Martinez 
    [Cut to Vic and Martinez outside]
    MARTINEZ: Listen, if plans change, I'll let you know.
    [Martinez gives Vic a pager]
         VIC: What's this?
    MARTINEZ: It's a pager, tough guy. Welcome to the 80's, Vic.
    [Martinez heads back inside]
    [Vic gets on Martinez's bike and heads to the VIP terminal at the 
    [A man is waiting beside a plane]
    MAN: Hey, army boy. Jerry sent you, si?
    VIC: Jerry? Ah, Sergeant Martinez. Sure.
    MAN: [laughs] Come with me, soldier. I've got something for your 
    [They head down to a jetty where they find a yacht. A bikini-clad 
    woman is on the yacht]
    VIC: Man, life's been good to you!
    MAN: Hm-hmmm. Come on, let's take a ride.
    [They get on the yacht and cruise off]
    MAN: Here's Jerry's stuff. Tell him my cut goes up next time. Vice 
         City's getting too peligroso for us freelancers.
    [Two speedboats are heading towards them]
    MAN: Speaking of which, we've got company! Grab that gun and take 
         them out!
    [Vic shoots at the boats with an M4. The gunmen fire back, and the 
    yacht catches fire]
    MAN: Abandon ship!
    [We see Vic diving out of the yacht before it explodes]
    [Vic swims to shore and makes his way back to Fort Baxter. On the 
    way, he gets a pager message from Martinez]
    MARTINEZ: [pager] Hide the 'stuff' in your barracks man...
    [When Vic gets back to Fort Baxter, he enters his barracks]
    2) Cleaning House (Martinez)
    [Martinez is on the phone in his billet]
    MARTINEZ: Sure. No worries.
    [Vic enters]
    MARTINEZ: Oh, look, I gotta go. The cavalry just turned up. OK, bye.
    [Martinez hangs up]
    MARTINEZ: Corporal, what can I do for you?
         VIC: Listen, Jerry, you gotta get rid of that stuff. It's making 
              me nervous. I'm not into drugs, and I don't--
    MARTINEZ: Chill the fuck out, my friend. You're really getting on my 
              nerves. Besides, who are you gonna get in trouble with? I'm 
              your superior officer, and you told me you needed the 
         VIC: I do need the money.
    MARTINEZ: Uh-huh. But you don't like drugs?
         VIC: I don't think they're a good scene. 
    MARTINEZ: Me neither. But you like guns, huh? They don't give you a 
              moral problem, I mean?
         VIC: No.
    MARTINEZ: Good, 'cause I know a guy who can sell all the guns we can
              get him, which is, trust me, quite a lot.
         VIC: I don't know, Sergeant. This is getting heavy.
    MARTINEZ: You'll make a whole pile of cash for nothing. Buy that sick 
              brother of yours a whole lot of candy.
         VIC: What do I have to do?
    [Martinez snorts some drugs]
    MARTINEZ: [croaky voice] Nothing. Just go and pick up the... money 
              from him. He's down over by the docks.
    [Vic heads for the door]
    MARTINEZ: Hey, Vic, you want some of this, huh? [laughs]
    [Vic heads out. Martinez snorts the drugs again]
    [Vic goes to see Phil Cassidy in Viceport. He enters Phil's shooting 
    [Four men are shooting targets with pistols. Phil is shooting targets 
    with an M249. Vic is watching]
    PHIL: You must be Vic. Jerry told me about you. Hey, I used to be in 
          the service...
     VIC: Yeah, listen, he said you'd have some money for me.
    PHIL: Sure, sure. Well, I ain't a bank. I don't have it on me, but 
          I'll take you to it. 
    [Vic and Phil get in Phil's pickup truck outside. They drive to 
    Phil's old place in Little Havana]
    [Vic and Phil have left the truck. Some Cholos are guarding Phil's 
    old place]
    PHIL: I've been having trouble with them Cholo boys. Some of them 
          have been--
     VIC: What the hell is a Cholo?
    PHIL: Bunch of Mexican gangbangers. Bad boys; trying to take over 
          all the gunrunning in town.
     VIC: Look, where's the money, Phil?
    PHIL: Yeah, well, funny thing, you see, it's like this - it's under 
          the floorboards at my old place. But the Cholo evicted me, and 
          now I can't get to it.
     VIC: I'll get to it.
    [Phil gets back in the truck and drives off]
    VIC: See you around.
    [Vic attacks the Cholos]
    CHOLO: [one phrase] What the fuck is this?
           [another phrase] I'm gonna kick your ass!
    [Vic kills all the Cholos outside the building. He then enters the 
    [There are two more Cholos inside. One of them is snorting drugs]
    CHOLO: Cholo kill you good, pendejo!
    [Vic kills them all]
    [Vic finds the money]
    [Vic takes the money back to Martinez]
    3) Conduct Unbecoming (Martinez)
    [Martinez is watching a Candy Suxxx animal porn film on TV in his 
    MARTINEZ: Hooo!
    [Vic enters]
    MARTINEZ: Hey, Victor Vance! Wow, did anyone ever tell you you've got 
              a really dumb name?
         VIC: No, no one's ever mentioned that before.
    MARTINEZ: Oh, oh, my... Look at that! Hey, is that legal? Can animals 
              give consent?
         VIC: I don't know. Listen, Jerry, can you stash that weed 
              somewhere else? 
    MARTINEZ: Weed? What weed? [laughs] I'm shitting with you, come on! 
              Having fun! Rock and roll!  
    [Vic says nothing]
    MARTINEZ: Oh, would you fucking relax, my friend?
         VIC: Look, I'm not some idiot that you can just--
    MARTINEZ: I never called you an idiot. Oh, sssh, sssh. Look at that. 
              Ooh, now she got a pig and a horse! Hooowee! [laughs] 
              That's Candy Suxxx! [laughs] That's some guy's daughter,
         VIC: Listen, Jerry.
    MARTINEZ: No, you listen, huh? Oh, dude, would you look at that? Man, 
              I gotta get laid. Oh, jeez... Hey, if you weren't such a 
              square, I'd do you, huh? [laughs] I'm joking, come on! This 
              is the army, not the navy, huh? [laughs] Listen, man, I 
              need a broad, huh? Oh... I need Mary. Mary, yeah, oh... 
              [pretends to waltz] Mary, Mary, quite contrary. [laughs and 
              stops waltzing] Oh, come on, man, I need a favour.
         VIC: I need you to collect your pot, dude. 
    MARTINEZ: Sure. I'll go get that from your quarters, you go get Mary 
              for me, OK? She's over at Viceport. Oh, and go see Phil 
              again. He said something about a gift for you.
         VIC: I don't trust you, Martinez.  
    MARTINEZ: Hey, that is not an appropriate way to speak to a superior 
              officer! [laughs] Now get on with it.
         VIC: The reefer is under my bed.
    MARTINEZ: Oh, genius. Great hiding place. What are you? Fifteen? 
              Hurry up. Oh, hey, and tell Mary I love her!
         VIC: Fucking idiot.
    [Vic heads out. Martinez is still watching TV]
    MARTINEZ: Oh... Woo! 
    [Vic heads to Phil's old place]
    [Phil is standing beside a Stinger sports car]
    PHIL: Hey, Vic, how you doing? Martinez wanted me to give you this.
          Don't worry; it's non-traceable.
     VIC: Don't worry? Man, I'm getting too deep into this shit.
    [Phil heads off]
    [Vic gets in the car and looks around Viceport for Mary. He pulls up 
    next to a girl called Mona]
     VIC: Do you know Mary?
    MONA: If you want Mary, she's at a party up on Starfish. I'm heading 
          over there myself. You can give me a lift.
    [Mona gets in the car]
    MONA: I'm Mona, by the way. If there's anything I can do for you, or 
          to you, just let me know. [giggles]
    [They head to the party on Starfish Island]
    MONA: Thanks for the ride, rugged fella. Maybe I can pay you back in 
          kind later?
     VIC: I just need to find Mary.
    MONA: Sure. She's right over there.
     VIC: [to Mary] Are you Mary?
    [Mary walks up to Vic]
    VIC: Come on, let's go.
    MAN: Hey, we've paid for her! She's not going anywhere!
    VIC: Is that a fact?
    MAN: Damn right! Come on! Let's get this lowlife nobody, and teach 
         this bitch a lesson, too!
    [Vic kills the men, and gets in the car with Mary]
    MARY: Take it easy, muscles. I've got a delicate disposition.
    [They start heading back to Fort Baxter]
    MARY: Did Martinez send you? That cockroach still owes me from last 
    [They reach Fort Baxter]
    [They drive into Fort Baxter. A drill sergeant walks up to the car]
    SERGEANT: Corporal Vance, would you care to explain why there's 
              marijuana hidden under your bed? And who the Sam Hill is 
    [Mary exits the car]
        MARY: Hey, buddy. Listen, I charge more for groups.
    SERGEANT: [to Vic] You brought a whore onto the base?! Have you no 
              shame, boy? Are you a moron? Is that it?! 
    [Two soldiers point their guns at the car]
    SERGEANT: Drugs! Whores! You're out of here, soldier! You're a 
    [Cut to Vic walking out of Fort Baxter, wearing his casual clothes]
    [He gets a pager message from Phil]
    PHIL: [pager] I've got work for you - and a place to stay if you 
          need it...
    [Vic heads to Phil's old place]
    4) Cholo Victory (Phil)
    [Vic is looking around Phil's place]
    VIC: Phil, where are you?
    [Phil appears behind Vic, armed with a shotgun]
    VIC: Phil, it's me, Vic!
    [Phil pokes Vic on the back with the shotgun]
    PHIL: Put your hands where I can see 'em, boy. You think you can come 
          here and rob me? Probably try to rape me? I know your kind...
     VIC: Phil, it's me, Vic - your brother in arms.
    PHIL: I'm gonna teach you a lesson. Lower your pants and prepare to 
          cry. I'm gonna give you a shotgun suppository.
    [Vic turns around and pushes the shotgun away from him, which makes 
    Phil fire at the roof. Phil roars with laughter]
     VIC: Phil! It's me! Vic! Vic Vance.
    PHIL: Vic! Why didn't you say so? Good to see you, brother! Come 
    [Phil hugs Vic]
    PHIL: Let me squeeze a fart out of ya.
    [Phil lets Vic go]
    PHIL: I'm sorry about Bruce, man. He was the best. 
    [Phil swings the gun in Vic's direction]
     VIC: Hey...!
    PHIL: I can still see the smile on his face when he shot that little 
          gook. [pretends to fire] Bang! [kicks a can] Go to hell... 
     VIC: Have you been drinking?
    PHIL: What do you think? Listen, we gotta go. I got something to show 
          you... Come on. Come on. Come on! Now!
     VIC: Hold on... You're gonna drive?
    [They head out]
    [Cut to Vic and Phil in Phil's truck]
    PHIL: Let's go! Yeee-haaaaa!
    [Phil drives straight into a wall]
    VIC: Maybe I should drive, man.
    [They exit the truck]
    PHIL: Damn stick-shift!
    [Vic is now the driver]
    PHIL: Vic, we're gonna drive-by on some Cholo. I know right where we 
          can pick up their trail. I'm just trying to make an honest 
          living, man. But they're organised. I can't compete, man. You 
          know, this used to be a fine country.
    [They head to the police station in Little Havana]
    PHIL: Aw, nothing. Felt for sure some Cholos would be here... Those 
          scumbags are always crossing the law. Let's not hang around 
          here, Vic. Cops make me nervous.
     VIC: I hear you, man.
    PHIL: Sometimes I schitz out and kill the lot of 'em. Say... I know 
          another place those damn Cholos might be.
    [They head to the hospital]
    PHIL: Strike two. Where are they? This could take hours. Good job I 
          brought a little something to drink.
    [A Cholo is walking towards the hospital. When he sees the truck, he 
    starts running away]
    PHIL: Cholo bastard! There he is! Cholo bastard!
    [The Cholo gets in a Cholo Sabre and speeds off]
    [They chase the Cholo]
    PHIL: Goddamn Cholos. Who do they think they are? Messing with me, 
          Phil Bitch-Killer Cassidy?!
    [They catch up with the Cholo, and Phil performs a drive-by on him. 
    He eventually kills him]
    PHIL: We're gonna need to get my car fixed up, Vic. Old girl ain't 
          looking so good. 
    [Vic takes Phil's truck to a Pay 'n' Spray to get it fixed]
    PHIL: Boy! She's looking like a daisy now!
    [They head back to Phil's place]
    [Phil is out of the truck]
    PHIL: You're a fine wingman, Vic. Damn Cholo will think twice before 
          shitting on my patch from now on. See ya around, partner. See 
          ya 'round.
    [Phil heads inside]
    5) Boomshine Blowout (Phil)
    [Vic enters Phil's place to find a drunken Phil lying on the ground]
     VIC: Phil, what's going on? You're a mess.
    PHIL: I'm not drunk. I'm just resting my eyes.
     VIC: OK... So, what's going on?
    PHIL: My Boomshine's... about to get blown sky high by a bunch of 
          angry scumbags. Damn it...
     VIC: What?
    PHIL: Them Cholos are gonna blow up my liquor. There's so much of it
          at the warehouse, one match'll blow it all the way to 
          Tennessee. Tennessee, here I come... [coughs]
     VIC: Phil, come on. Let's deal with it.
    PHIL: The thing is, Vicky boy, my daddy was an angry man. He never, 
          ever told me I was special. In fact, he used to beat me. 
          Especially when he caught me staring at my cousin or my sister.
          You know what he said to me? He said I'd be better off dead...
     VIC: And how, exactly, is this helping?
    [Phil gets to his knees]
    PHIL: The tragedy of it is, I'm just like him. I'm a drunk. I deserve 
          to die. It should have been me instead of Zack on Hill 491, 
          man. I'm coming hooome, Daddy! [laughs] Yeah, Daddy, I'm coming 
    [Phil falls backwards]
    VIC: You're pathetic.
    [Vic and Phil get in Phil's truck. They head to the warehouse in 
    Little Havana]
    [Phil exits the truck]
    PHIL: I could have sworn I locked this place up.
    [Phil walks up to the warehouse and proceeds to open the door]
    VIC: Phil, don't open the--!
    [When the door opens, there is a huge explosion]
    PHIL: Daddyyyyy! Daddy...!
    [The warehouse is set alight. Vic and Phil run towards the open door]
    PHIL: Scheming Cholo bastards booby-trapped my place. Ain't no use
          running. When that Boomshine blows, we're all gonna die!
     VIC: Get a grip! I'll get your damn liquor!
    PHIL: I'll back the truck up to the door. You load her up.
    [Vic runs inside the warehouse. Phil backs the truck up to the door]
    [Vic uses a forklift to load the Boomshine onto the back of Phil's 
    truck. While he works, the fire gets worse]
    PHIL: I better put these babies in some safe place, huh?
    [Phil drives off]
    6) Truck Stop (Phil)
    [Phil and Martinez are smoking a joint in Phil's place. Vic enters]
    MARTINEZ: Hey, look who it is! Victor Vance! What's going on, amigo?
              You want some smoke?
         VIC: Fuck you, Martinez.
    MARTINEZ: Relax! You're so fucking histrionic. It's like hanging out
              with a bitch on her period.
         VIC: You want me to fuck you up?!
    MARTINEZ: Whatever, baby. The thing is, you work for Phil. And Phil -
              Phil works for me. Which makes you my bitch's bitch. Figure
              that out.
        PHIL: [coughs] Man, that shit is heavy.
    MARTINEZ: [to Vic] So you had better play nice if you wanna get paid,
              huh? Because if you don't get paid, [mocking voice] then 
              who's gonna look after your sick brother?
         VIC: Fuck you!
    MARTINEZ: [laughs] Hey, change the record, baby. Fuck you, fuck you, 
              fuck you... What did you expect me to do, huh? I didn't
              screw you over for fun. I was saving myself, and you would
              do the same. And don't pretend otherwise!
         VIC: I had a career!
    MARTINEZ: So what? You got kicked out of the army... Big deal. Hey, I
              told Phil about some guns I can sell, if you can get them,
    [Martinez takes the joint]
    MARTINEZ: Phil, don't smoke too much of this shit, huh? It'll make 
              you trip out, get paranoid.
    [Martinez heads out]
    PHIL: Sure. Later, Jerry. Come on, Vic.
    [Phil picks up an Uzi]
    PHIL: This should silence any asshole following me.
    [Vic and Phil head outside]
    PHIL: We're gonna need some backup, Vic. I know some guys that'll 
    [They get in a car and start heading to a hotel]
    PHIL: Are we being followed? We better not be being followed... I'll 
          rip those bastards' livers right out of their sides.
     VIC: Chill out, man. There ain't no one following us.
    [They reach the hotel]
    [They pull up beside two men at the hotel]
    PHIL: Hey, fellas, come on! We're gonna make some money! They're good
          guys, Vic; just always so quiet... Maybe I shouldn't trust 'em.
    [The guys get in the car]
    [They go after a truck. Phil and the men gun down the two men on the 
    back of the truck. Vic blocks the truck's path to bring it to a stop]
    PHIL: [burps] I'm gonna take the truck back to my place. Anyone 
          follows me, you give 'em hell.
    [Phil is now driving the truck. Vic follows him. Gunmen chase and 
    shoot the truck]
    MAN: They sent backup!
    MAN: Incoming!
    MAN: I'll take care of them, senor.
    [Vic's allies kill the gunmen]
    [Phil drives the truck into his place and exits the truck]
    7) Shakedown (Marty)
    [Vic is walking towards Marty J. Williams' trailer at the trailer 
    VIC: Hello? Marty? Phil Cassidy sent me.
    [Louise Cassidy-Williams, Marty's wife, appears at the door. She is 
    holding a baby called Mary-Beth]
       VIC: Oh. Hi.
    LOUISE: Marty ain't home or nothing.
       VIC: Oh. Oh, OK. Well, do you know when he's gonna be back?
    LOUISE: I don't know nothing.
    [Marty pulls up nearby]
    LOUISE: Excuse me.
    [Louise goes back inside]
    MARTY: What do you want, boy?
      VIC: Nothing. Are you Marty?
    MARTY: No. Now get gone, boy. 
    [Marty exits his pickup truck]
     MARTY: Bitch! Bitch! Get your sorry ass out here! I thought I told 
            you to clean this shit up?! [kicks a can]
    LOUISE: Marty, Mary-Beth's been sick.
     MARTY: Don't be using that baby as an excuse, Louise, 'cause I'll 
            hit her as well as you.
       VIC: Are you Louise? I'm a friend of Phil's.
     MARTY: A friend of Phil's? Well, why didn't you say so, boy? I'm 
            Marty J. Williams.
       VIC: I was too busy watching you threaten your wife.
     MARTY: Well, we was only playing around, boy.
    LOUISE: He didn't mean nothing by it. He only hits me when I deserve
       VIC: Oh, yeah? Well, Phil says you guys might have some work for 
            me. I'm Vic Vance.
     MARTY: Yeah, sure. I got a few things need taking care of right now,
            as a matter of fact. Drive me. And Louise, you better have 
            this shit cleaned up before I get back. [kicks a can] You got
    [Vic and Marty are in Marty's truck]
    MARTY: A business interest of mine is having trouble with some idiots
           that need putting straight.
      VIC: What business are you in?
    MARTY: I look after people, and they look after me. Sometimes I have 
           to remind them of their obligations if they don't. But mostly,
           I just mind my own business. You mind yours, pal.
    [They drive to a shop]
    [Two Cholos are guarding the shop]
    MARTY: OK, we're here. Now get on in there and teach them idiots a 
    [Vic exits the truck]
      VIC: You're not coming?
    MARTY: Why would I employ a dog then bark myself? Go sick 'em, pal.
    [Vic kills the Cholos and enters the shop]
    [The clerk is being threatened by two Cholos]
       CLERK: Please... I can't afford to pay any more protection.
    CHOLO #1: You don't pay - you don't stay. Fuck this place up.
    [Cholo #2 smashes a display cabinet with his baseball bat. Vic is 
    standing by the shop entrance]
    CHOLO #2: Who the hell is this hero?
    [Vic attacks the Cholos]
    CHOLO #1: You gonna be sorry...
    CHOLO #2: Don't mess with me, ese.
    [Vic kills them]
    [Marty enters]
    MARTY: You've done real good, Vic.
    CLERK: Marty? He's with you?
    MARTY: What're you doing letting scum in your store? My protection 
           don't run to no daily visit. Are you hot for me, boy? Is that
           it? You wanna see my pretty face here every day? 
    CLERK: What? I... No!
    MARTY: For wasting my time, your protection rate just went up.
    [Cut to Vic and Marty walking back to the truck]
    MARTY: Come on, Vic. These Cholo boys normally protect a store 
           nearby. Now it's gonna need new protection. Let's go get it.
    [They get in the truck]
      VIC: You're running a protection racket?
    MARTY: And more besides soon enough. Come on, put the pedal to the
           metal. Step on it.
    [They drive to the Cholos' store]
    [They exit the truck]
    MARTY: This is it. Let's get in there and bring them into the fold.
    [Cut to them inside the store]
    CLERK: But I pay protection to the Cholo!
    MARTY: I don't see them protecting you any. Vic, get to work.
      VIC: Marty, this ain't right.
    MARTY: You wanna get paid - be a man. Or are you all hat and no 
    [Vic starts smashing up the stock]
    CLERK: Please, I don't want any trouble.
    MARTY: That's why you need us.
    CLERK: [one phrase] For God's sake!
           [another phrase] Please!
    CLERK: [one phrase] No, please!
           [another phrase] This is crazy!
    [Three Cholos enter the store]
    CHOLO: [one phrase] This is Cholo turf.
           [another phrase] Fuck them up!
    [Vic kills them]
    CLERK: OK! I'll pay, I'll pay.
    [Vic and Marty have left the store. Marty is walking towards his 
    MARTY: You've done a man's job today. I might have more work for you.
           See you around.
    8) Fear the Repo (Marty)
    [Louise is doing aerobics inside Marty's trailer]
    WOMAN: [on TV] And five, six, seven, eight, and you're the best! 
    [Vic enters]
    WOMAN: [on TV] Six, seven, eight, you run the world! Yeah! Come on, 
           and push it! Do you want it? Do you need it? Push it!
    [Vic and Louise both laugh]
       VIC: Hey, Louise.
    LOUISE: Hey, Vic! How you keeping?
       VIC: Better now.
    LOUISE: Good.
    [Louise turns off the TV]
       VIC: Hey, don't stop. I'm waiting for Marty.
    LOUISE: No, it's nice to talk to someone. So, Phil said you was in 
            the service?
       VIC: Yeah... But I screwed up.
    LOUISE: You and me both.
    [Marty enters]
     MARTY: Damn it, woman. If you gonna dress like a whore, I'm gonna
            turn you out.
    LOUISE: I was doing my aerobics, Marty! For crying out loud, gimme a
     MARTY: I will. A broken fucking neck. You watch your mouth in my 
            goddamn house.
    LOUISE: Sorry.
    [Mary-Beth starts crying]
    MARTY: Now look what you gone and done! You imbecile. Jesus, woman.
           Hey, what's up, Vic Vance? 
      VIC: You said you might have some other work.
    MARTY: Yeah, yeah, sure. I got some debts people need to start
    [Mary-Beth continues crying]
     MARTY: Argh! If you don't shut that brat up, woman, I will!
    LOUISE: Screw you, Marty! You're nothing but an inbred hillbilly 
            piece of shit!
     MARTY: You better watch your mouth, tramp, or I'll knock them teeth
    LOUISE: [upset] That's it! I'm taking the baby and I'm going to stay
            with my sister!
     MARTY: Good! Go ahead! Go!
            [to Vic] Fat ass pig sister of hers. I'll hit her and all, 
    [Vic and Marty head to a lockup]
    MARTY: Here's a list of shit needs repossessing. I don't think you've
           got the stones to get it for me. Prove me wrong...
    [Vic steals the first car]
    MAN: Hey! Son of a bitch, that's my car!
    VIC: Don't take it personally, pal.
    [Vic takes the car to the lockup, and then steals the second car]
    DRIVER: I paid Marty off weeks ago, man!
    [Vic takes the car to the lockup, and then steals a delivery van]
    MAN: What the hell are you doing?
    [Vic takes the van to the lockup]
    MARTY: Hank, get that van outta here.
      VIC: Why do I get the impression none of those debts were genuine?
    MARTY: Whatever I say's mine is mine. And what I say goes.
    [Hank, one of Marty's thugs, drives off with the van]
    MARTY: If you wanna get on 'round here, you'll learn that one, kid.
    9) Waking Up the Neighbours (Marty)
    [Vic and Marty are in the trailer park]
    MARTY: So it seems I got some competition. 
      VIC: What do you mean?
    MARTY: Them damn Cholos are trying to muscle in on my repo business.
           It's time I sent them a message.
    [Some grenades are nearby]
      VIC: Grenades?
    MARTY: I just wanna make sure they hear what I have to say.
    [Marty heads off]
    [Vic destroys the Cholos' vans]
    10) O, Brothel, Where Art Thou? (Marty)
    [Vic and Marty are outside Marty's trailer]
    MARTY: It's time to diversify my interests, Vince. 
      VIC: Vic.
    MARTY: Whatever. We're going into the whoring business. We're gonna
           take over a place up yonder. Once we're in, it's party time!
           Yessiree, boy! I just got me an itch I need scratching. Shame
           you're queer, boy. I might have tossed you a bone.
      VIC: Thanks. But I don't need you tossing my bone. 
    MARTY: Just get up there and clean the damn place out, Vince.
    [Vic goes to Stonewall J's and buys a stubby shotgun. He then heads 
    up to the brothel and destroys the Cholo car outside. He kills the 
    Cholos outside and inside the building, and trashes the business 
    assets. The Trailer Park Mafia take over the business]
    11) Got Protection? (Marty)
    [Marty and two of his thugs are walking out of Marty's trailer. Vic 
    comes over]
    MARTY: Oh, here he is! Tough boy! The big man!
     THUG: [to Vic] How high can you jump, boy?
      VIC: Boy? Oh, you're pretty tough, you inbred piece of white trash.
           Why don't you come down here and ask me that again, huh?
     THUG: I ain't scared of you.
      VIC: Oh, yeah? Then why is your voice cracking... boy?
    MARTY: Alright, alright, enough. Will you stop disturbing the goddamn
           neighbours with this bullshit? I pay you to help me, not to
           argue. You hear?
      VIC: Loud and clear... boss.
    MARTY: Good. Now, we got some problems with them Cholos. They been
           threatening my girls. I want you to teach them some respect.
    [Vic heads off]
    MARTY: Anyway, I told 'em, you bring her over to me. I don't care if
           she's fourteen; I like her boobs.
    [They all laugh]
    [Vic heads up to Marty's brothel]
    [A Cholo car drives past the brothel. The passenger fires at Vic]
    CHOLO: You start with us, we gonna finish you! All you street-walkers
           are gonna die!
    [The car behind Vic gets hit and explodes]
    CHOLO: No one messes with the Cholo!
    [The Cholos drive off]
    [The Cholos are attacking three of Marty's girls. Vic rescues the one 
    north of the brothel]
    VIC: Over here! Quick!
    [Vic rescues the girl southwest of the brothel]
    VIC: Come on! Let's go.
    [Vic rescues the girl southeast of the brothel]
    VIC: Let's get you out of here! This is no place for a lady.
    [Vic takes the girls back to the brothel]
    GIRL: That was fun! Baby, you're incredible.
     VIC: Just glad to be of service, ladies. Take it easy, girls. Look
          after yourselves out there.
    [The girls head inside]
    Note: When you rescue the first girl, she will say, "Relax. We've got 
    more than rubbers for protection."
    12) Marked Men (Phil)
    [Phil and Martinez are at Phil's place]
    MARTINEZ: Phil, baby, would I screw you over?
        PHIL: Yeah, you would.
    MARTINEZ: Bullshit. I wouldn't. Not to you. Not to a brother in arms.
              Come on, give me a hug...
    [Phil gives Martinez a hug]
    MARTINEZ: Screw you over...
    [Vic has arrived]
         VIC: Nah, you'd never screw anyone over, would you?
    MARTINEZ: Oh, look who it is! St Victor of Vance! The holier than 
              thou killer. All these principles, you go around shooting 
              people! [laughs]
         VIC: I do what I gotta do... 
    MARTINEZ: Ooh...
         VIC: After I trusted an asshole.
    MARTINEZ: You enjoyed it, brother. Admit it, 'cause you're a maniac,
              huh? Heh. I gave you a life.
         VIC: Go to hell, Martinez.
    MARTINEZ: Uh-huh. See, Phil, I saved Vic. And I can save you, too, 
         VIC: [to Phil] What does this scumbag want?
        PHIL: He wants me to go over to some warehouse and see if his
              merchandise is all there. That's all.
    MARTINEZ: Hey, it's cool. Go with him, Vicky Boy, if you don't trust
              me. But Phil, you owe me, after what you said.
        PHIL: You said that was forgotten.
    MARTINEZ: If you do this.
    [Martinez heads off]
    PHIL: I'll explain as we drive, Vic. It's time for me to get another
    [Cut to Vic and Phil walking towards Phil's truck]
     VIC: What was that about? You've "got to go"?
    PHIL: Aw... I got drunk... and told Martinez I didn't trust him no 
          more. I said he was an asshole.
     VIC: He IS an asshole!
    PHIL: No, I am. 'Cause now he won't put any work my way until I do
          trust him. Let's get this over with.
    [Vic and Phil are in Phil's truck. They start heading to the 
    PHIL: Drive easy, Vic. The last of my Boomshine is in the back of the
          truck. I'm through with that demon drink. Hallelujah! It's a 
          sober life for me, bud. Sober. S.O.B.E.R.
    [They reach the warehouse]
    [Three thugs are waiting for them at the warehouse]
    PHIL: Who the hell are these guys?
    [Phil exits the truck]
    PHIL: Hey, fellas, Martinez said--
    [The men point their guns at Vic and Phil]
    THUG: Yeah, Martinez said, "Bye-bye!"
    PHIL: Hot damn! Play fair, fellas! 
    [Phil gets in the back of his truck]
    PHIL: What about the damn Geneva Convention?
    [Vic kills Martinez's men. He and Phil start heading back to Phil's 
    place. Martinez's men start chasing them]
     VIC: For fuck's sake, Phil, do something!
    PHIL: Hey! My Boomshine! This round's on daddy, assholes!
    [Phil throws Molotov cocktails at the chasing cars. He and Vic reach 
    Phil's place safely] 
    [Vic and Phil have exited the truck]
     VIC: I think we've both outgrown our usefulness to Martinez.
    PHIL: Jerry wants us dead? Shitting asshole. I'm gonna lay low for a
          while. I reckon you should, too.
    [Phil gets in the truck]
     VIC: Screw that. I ain't hiding from that piece of shit.
    PHIL: Remember, discretion's the better part of valour. Good luck, 
    [Phil drives off]
    13) When Funday Comes (Louise)
    [Louise is feeding Mary-Beth in Mary-Jo Cassidy's apartment. Vic 
       VIC: Hey, Louise.
    LOUISE: Hey, Vic. How are you?
       VIC: Eh, getting better.
    LOUISE: Well, alright.
       VIC: [to Mary-Beth] Hey there. [chuckles]
    LOUISE: You deserve good things, honey.
       VIC: Eh, maybe.
    LOUISE: Better than this shit.
       VIC: Hey, come on... What's wrong?
    LOUISE: Nothing... [pause] Everything... It's bullshit. I mean, I'm a
            fucking mess. Didn't finish high school, got a kid by a 
            goddamn prick, living on my sister's couch. No hope.
       VIC: Come on, you're just going through a bad time right now. 
            Things'll improve. You'll see.
    LOUISE: [upset] Show me a way out. Just show me a fucking way out.
       VIC: I don't know. Look at it this way. I've been kicked out of 
            the military. Now I'm working with jerks, robbing people, all
            to pay for my brother's medical bills, while my mother 
            freebases half the money I send anyhow. I am not the one to 
            ask for advice. 
    LOUISE: [chuckles] Look at us. What a pair.
    [They both chuckle]
       VIC: Pathetic, huh?
    LOUISE: Worse than pathetic! 
    [They both chuckle again]
       VIC: Hey, you wanna go out? Maybe... get some fresh air? Have some
    LOUISE: Sure. Sounds good. Say, Phil said there was a quad bike race 
            at the trailer park. 
       VIC: There you go! Hey, great. Quad bikes and moonshine. Let's go.
    [Vic and Louise have left Mary-Jo's apartment]
       VIC: Will the baby be OK back at your sister's?
    LOUISE: Sure. She'll be just fine. I'm looking forward to having me 
            some fun!
    [They head to the quad bike race at the trailer park]
    [Two men are on quad bikes. Vic and Louise get on the other two 
    LOUISE: Good luck, Vic... You'll need it!
    [Vic wins the race]
    [Vic and Louise are off their bikes]
    LOUISE: That was great! I had the best time!
       VIC: Glad to hear it, Louise. Look... er, I'm a little worried 
            about your baby. 
    LOUISE: Oh, Mary-Beth? She'll be fine... but maybe I'd better get 
       VIC: Wait up. I'll take you.
    LOUISE: That's OK. Will you call on me sometime, Vic Vance?
    [Louise heads off]
    14) Takin' Out the White Trash (Louise)
    [Louise is crying in Mary-Jo's apartment. Vic enters]
       VIC: Hey... stop that.
    LOUISE: Sorry. It's... It's nothing. I'm... just tired.
       VIC: Doesn't look like nothing. What's wrong?
    LOUISE: I left some of her things back at Marty's. Everything I do is
            wrong. I can't even run away right.
       VIC: Look, it's not such a big deal. We'll just head over to 
            Marty's and go get 'em.
    LOUISE: But what about Marty?
       VIC: Well, what about him?
    [Louise gets up]
    LOUISE: Thanks, Vic. You're something else.
    [They head over to the trailer park]
    [Four of Marty's thugs are walking towards Vic and Louise. One of 
    them is holding a baseball bat]
    LOUISE: I don't like the look of these guys.
       VIC: Aren't they the guys from the quad bike race?
      THUG: So you cheats have shown your ugly, bitch-ass faces. 
    LOUISE: If Marty heard you talking to me like that...
      THUG: Marty? Marty said the next time he saw you he'd turn you out.
       VIC: Back off, white trash.
      THUG: White trash? You wanna do this, bitch boy?
    [Vic and Louise kill Marty's guys]
    LOUISE: I'll get my baby's things.
       VIC: You should have just bought new.
    [Louise quickly goes inside Marty's trailer and comes back out again]
    LOUISE: I will. I just found Marty's wallet inside. I'm going
            shopping! That asshole owes me.
       VIC: Marty ain't gonna be too happy when he finds out you ripped 
            him off.
    LOUISE: [laughs] Like I give a shit!
    [They head back to Mary-Jo's apartment]
    LOUISE: Vic Vance, I never knew I could have such a good time.
       VIC: A great time? Oh, yeah, we had a riot.
    LOUISE: And you were great! Well, I better get on inside. See you 
    [Louise goes inside]
    15) D.I.V.O.R.C.E. (Louise)
    [An anxious Mary-Jo is looking out the window in her apartment. Vic 
    MARY-JO: Who... Who the fuck are you?
        VIC: Where's Louise?
    MARY-JO: What? He took her! That... That animal, he took her! He's 
             gonna do something wicked to her!
        VIC: Wait, who took her? And who are you?
    MARY-JO: Mary-Jo, her sister. Who are you?
        VIC: Vic, a friend.
    MARY-JO: Oh... It's... It's nice to meet you. I've... I've heard a 
             lot about you.
        VIC: Who took her?
    MARY-JO: That monster, Marty! He said he's gonna turn her out!
        VIC: Jesus... His own wife.
    [Vic heads out]
    MARY-JO: Yeah... Yeah, but he wanted to turn me out, too! I promise
             you, he did!
    [Vic heads to the trailer park]
    LOUISE: I ain't gonna be your whore, Marty!
     MARTY: You've been whoring yourself on that Vic! Don't you deny it!
            Well, if you're gonna act like a whore, you're gonna be one!
            Get in that truck!
    [Vic goes to the side of the trailer. Marty nearly runs him over]
       VIC: Shit!
    LOUISE: Vic, help!
    [Marty drives off with Louise. Two of his thugs appear behind Vic. 
    One is them is armed with a baseball bat, and the other is armed with 
    a pistol]
    THUG: You looking for trouble... Vince?
    [Vic chases Marty] 
    LOUISE: Help! Vic!
    LOUISE: Let me go, Marty, you asshole!
    MARTY: You're gonna earn your keep, girl! And you're gonna like it!
    [Vic kills Marty and gets in the truck]
    LOUISE: I can't believe you killed him. How am I gonna look after my
            baby now?
       VIC: You what? Marty was an asshole. He treated you worse than 
    LOUISE: I'm sorry. I just... Hey, look, Marty's kin are gonna be 
            coming for you now. We better get you some place safe.
       VIC: I can handle Marty's kin, Louise.
    LOUISE: I just want to make sure you're safe, that's all.
    [They drive to the safe house in Little Haiti]
    [They have left the truck]
       VIC: Look, you and Mary-Beth are gonna be better off without 
            Marty, you know?
    LOUISE: Are we? It's just everything's changing so fast.
       VIC: Everything's gonna be fine...
    [Louise gets back in the truck]
    LOUISE: You're OK, Vic Vance.
    [She drives off]
    16) To Victor, the Spoils (Louise)
    [Vic and Louise are in Mary-Jo's apartment]
    LOUISE: I've been thinking over what you said about me and the baby 
            being better off without Marty, and... I've got a plan. Why 
            don't YOU take over Marty's business?
       VIC: I'm no gang boss.
    LOUISE: No... but you could be. Come on, we both need the cash, 
    [Vic and Louise are outside the apartment]
    LOUISE: First, we need to get some guys together.
    [They head to Sunshine Autos where they find the guys]
    LOUISE: Hey, wanna make some money?
    [They recruit the guys into their group. They all head to Marty's 
    loan shark office]
    LOUISE: I'll go find some more guys and see you at Marty's other
    [Louise heads off]
    VIC: This shouldn't be too tough. Come on, guys.
    [They approach the office]
    [They kill the guards and head to Marty's protection racket site. 
    There, they kill the guards outside and inside the building to take 
    over the site]
    [Louise arrives]
    LOUISE: You did it, Vic. The whole damn caboodle's yours!
       VIC: [chuckles] Yeah, but I don't know how to run this kind of 
    LOUISE: Marty could do it, and he was nearly inbred! You'll pick it
            up! You're amazing! You can do anything!
      GOON: Hey, boss, is this a full-time position?
       VIC: Yeah. Yeah, it is.
    LOUISE: Everything's gonna be just fine!
    [Louise heads off]
    17) Jive Drive (Lance)
    [Outside the airport terminal, Vic is standing beside a red Stinger 
    sports car. A couple walks past him. Lance Vance, Vic's brother, 
    appears next to him]
    LANCE: Hey, bro! [laughs]
      VIC: Lance! What are you doing here?
    LANCE: You don't sound so pleased!
      VIC: I'm not so pleased.
    LANCE: Thanks, bro. What was you expecting? What a greeting, man...
      VIC: Not you. Someone useful.
    LANCE: So what am I? A handicap, huh? Your dumbass, lowlife, no good
      VIC: Something like that.
    LANCE: Yeah, well, I'm not the one who got kicked out of the army.
      VIC: No, you're the asshole who got kicked out of the boy scouts.
    LANCE: Oh, come on, man. I come all this way to see you and you treat
           me like I've got herpes.
      VIC: Maybe that's because your whole life, you've gotten us into 
    LANCE: Oh, gimme a break, man! I've changed!
      VIC: OK. I'll give you a chance. One chance.
    LANCE: Yeah, yeah! Hey, come here, man...
    [Lance gives Vic a hug]
    LANCE: You won't regret it, baby... I love you, man; and love can
           change the world. But, Vic...
      VIC: What?
    LANCE: I have got herpes.
      VIC: Get off me, man. Just get in the damn car!
    LANCE: [laughs] I was just kidding.
    [Cut to Vic and Lance in the car. Lance is in the driver's seat. A 
    Cholo car pulls up in front of them, and two Cholos exit it]
    CHOLO: All the Cholos have been looking for you, Mr. Big Shot.
    LANCE: What do you want with me?!
    CHOLO: I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to him! You killed plenty
           Cholos. Now, we kill you plenty!
    VIC: Get us out of here, Lance!
    [Vic shoots at the Cholos while Lance drives]
    LANCE: Is this your idea of a welcome party?
      VIC: Come on, move it!
    LANCE: W-wait, where in the hell am I going, man?
    [They drive towards a ramp]
    VIC: Hey, watch the road!
    [They drive up the ramp. The car flies over a wall]
    VIC and LANCE: Ooooh, shiiiiit!
    [The car lands at the other side of the wall]
    LANCE: I'm just too pretty to die! [laughs] Woo!
    [More Cholos are up ahead]
    LANCE: Look out, Vic! There's more of them!
    LANCE: Do you have any friends in this town?!
    LANCE: Shit! They're everywhere!
    [Eventually, they drive towards another ramp]
    LANCE: One more Lance Vance Chance!
    [They drive up the ramp. The car flies over a building]
    VIC: Laaaaance! You prick!
    [Cut to Vic and Lance walking away from the burning car]
      VIC: You're never driving again.
    LANCE: I had it with you, man. You put me off. You always treat me 
           like a kid.
    [A Cholo car appears behind them. Two Cholos get out. The sports car 
    [Vic and Lance kill the attacking Cholos]
    LANCE: I'd appreciate a ride to my hotel.
    [Vic takes Lance to his hotel in Downtown]
      VIC: Impressive! This place ain't cheap.
    LANCE: [laughs] I wouldn't know. I told them to bill you.
    [Lance goes inside]
    18) Hose the Hoes (Louise)
    [Vic is using the intercom at Mary-Jo's apartment to speak to Louise 
    from outside]
       VIC: Hey, Louise, it's me!
    LOUISE: Vic! Thank God you're here. I just heard your cathouse is 
            going up in flames! Are the girls OK?
       VIC: Did Marty's inbred family do this?
    LOUISE: I'll be right down.
    [Louise is now outside]
       VIC: Did you call the fire department?
    LOUISE: Don't worry. I know where we can get a fire truck.
    [They steal a fire truck and head to Vic's burning brothel. Vic uses 
    the water cannon to put out the fire]
    [Vic and Louise have left the fire truck. Louise spots Marty's cousin 
    across the street]
    LOUISE: That's Marty's cousin! He did it, Vic! Get him! Bastard's got
            six toes. 
       VIC: Hey, you!
    [Marty's cousin starts running away. Vic chases him]
    [Vic kills him]
    19) Robbing the Cradle (Louise)
    [Vic and Louise are in Mary-Jo's apartment. Louise isn't very happy]
    LOUISE: Vic, welfare said I was a bad mother. Their man said he was 
            gonna take Mary-Beth off me unless I put out for him. But 
            I'll show him. I've got a couple of guys to take care of him.
       VIC: What?! Killing him is gonna make things worse! When's this
    LOUISE: Well... kinda right now. Did I do wrong? How was I to know
    [Vic heads out]
    [Vic catches up with the thugs who are chasing and shooting at the 
    welfare man]
    WELFARE MAN: Somebody help!
    [Vic kills the thugs and tries warning off the welfare man]
    VIC: File that in your report! Leave Louise Williams alone, pal, or
         you and I are gonna become close friends!
    [Vic eventually warns him off]
    WELFARE MAN: OK, OK! She's white trash anyway!
    20) Nice Package (Umberto)
    [Vic enters Umberto Robina's house. Umberto is sitting on the sofa]
        VIC: Hey, you Umberto?
    UMBERTO: Did somebody order a stripper?
        VIC: Excuse me?
    UMBERTO: Because I like my bitches a bit less balding.
        VIC: What?
    [Vic points a pistol at Umberto's face]
        VIC: Are you a comedian, friend? Hmmm?
    UMBERTO: [laughing] No, no... I'm a man, just like you. 
        VIC: Uh-huh...
    UMBERTO: Umberto Robina. You must be Vance.
    [Umberto pushes the gun out of his face]
        VIC: Yeah, that's right. So you heard about Marty.
    UMBERTO: Yeah. [laughs] I heard about that dumb punk. Came to an
             unfortunate end, huh? [laughs] Bitch fight! I like that, 
             huh? Two bitches going at it, hot and sweaty... Bang, bang,
             bang! [laughs]
        VIC: Yeah, whatever you're into, man.
    UMBERTO: Hey, I'm into men! Men proving themselves!
        VIC: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sounds fun. Look, you worked for Marty
             for years. So in between men, can I rely on you?
    UMBERTO: Sure, pappy. [laughs] If you can prove to me you got some 
    [Cut to Vic and Umberto outside]
    UMBERTO: I've got a package waiting for collection Downtown. Go get 
             it for me, if you can. 
        VIC: I'm not your delivery man, friend.
    [Vic gets in a car with Juan, one of Umberto's guys]
    UMBERTO: Until I know you got some balls, and some juice in them, 
             there'll be no alliance between us. Juan will go with you. 
             He'll tell me if you've got something down there.
    [Some other Cuban gangsters get in their cars. They want the package, 
    [Vic retrieves the package and takes it to the drop-off in Viceport]
    [Umberto is waiting at the drop-off in a car]
    UMBERTO: Gracias, Vic! [laughs] I kiss you!
        VIC: Whoa! Not today.
    21) Balls (Umberto)
    [Umberto and a welfare woman are in Umberto's house]
    UMBERTO: You got some Cuban in you? You look like you got some Cuban
             in you, lady.
      WOMAN: Er, no... I'm from Ohio. 
    UMBERTO: [chuckles] You want some Cuban in you, lady?
      WOMAN: No. Like I told you, I'm a lesbian on a committed journey 
             with my life partner. Now, Mr. Robina, about your father's
             welfare claim...
    UMBERTO: Oh, whatever, man...
    [Vic has entered. Umberto approaches him]
    UMBERTO: [chuckles] Vic, I tell you, this bitch is crazy for me. Can
             you smell it?
    [The woman is sighing]
        VIC: She's going wild.
    UMBERTO: [chuckles] Always the same... Listen, we got a problem, huh?
             Your boy, Jerry; he's causing all sorts of trouble.
        VIC: Martinez? Goddamn it!
      WOMAN: Er, Mr. Robina, must I remind you, I am a very busy woman.
    UMBERTO: Eh, baby... mira, listen, you keep your panties on, OK? I 
             got some serious man-shit to deal with, with my buddy. Why
             don't you just stay down, stay pretty? Don't worry, uh? I'll
             be back with some serious chorizo. Uh, you got a friend for 
             my buddy? He's a little bit shy.
      WOMAN: [sighs] Oh, my...
    UMBERTO: Whatever. Vic, let's roll!
    [Vic and Umberto head out. Outside, two Cubans walk up to them]
    UMBERTO: Show these boys how to be men, and take back our streets
             from these bitch Cholos. I have my own bitch to deal with,
        VIC: You're not coming?
    UMBERTO: I will be soon... but not with you, my friend! [laughs] I'm
             hot, baby!
    [Vic and the Cubans kill the troublemaking Cholos. Vic then takes the 
    Cubans back to Umberto's house]
    22) Papi Don't Screech (Umberto)
    [Umberto and two Cubans are in Umberto's house. Umberto is crying]
     UMBERTO: [to Cuban #1] You even got any balls?
    CUBAN #1: I didn't know!
     UMBERTO: [to Cuban #2] And you, I've seen shit with more guts!
    CUBAN #2: You didn't say your father was going.
     UMBERTO: Shut your mouth, lady boy! He's my daddy, and I love him! I
              can't believe you would do this! And you left him there to
    [Vic enters]
        VIC: Umberto, what's the problem?
    UMBERTO: Oh, my God, I'm going to be an orphan!
    [Umberto continues crying]
         VIC: Oh, man... I'm sorry. How did it happen?
    CUBAN #1: It hasn't happened, brother. Alberto - that's his dad - 
              he's over at the wrestling, man.
         VIC: So why the tears?
    CUBAN #1: We just saw some Cholos driving over there, man.
         VIC: So why doesn't somebody just go pick up Alberto?
    CUBAN #2: That's what we said to Umberto. Only he freaked out.
         VIC: Well, go get him.
     UMBERTO: No. No way, Vic. Don't let my daddy be collected by these 
              two bitches! He's a man. The shame would kill him.
         VIC: Well, you go!
     UMBERTO: I can't drive, man! I'm hysterical!
    [Umberto continues crying]
    VIC: Goddamn it. I'll go get him... But you owe me, you freak.
    [Vic heads out]
    [Vic gets in Umberto's car and goes to pick up Alberto from the 
    [Alberto Robina is leaving the stadium]
        VIC: Hey, Alberto? Your son sent me to pick you up.
    ALBERTO: Gracias, senor. You're late... Tarde. 
    [Alberto gets in the car]
    ALBERTO: I can't be late opening my cafe. In twenty years, I have 
             never opened late.
        VIC: Take it easy, Alberto. No problems.
    [Vic takes Alberto to his cafe]
    [Alberto exits the car]
    ALBERTO: Phew... All this rushing... My heart, she's not so good 
             these days.
    [Alberto enters the cafe]
    23) Havana Good Time (Umberto)
    [Umberto is talking to four Cubans in his house]
    UMBERTO: So I ask you once more, are you men?
     CUBANS: Yeah!
    UMBERTO: Then why you not like balls?
    [Vic enters]
    CUBAN #1: Because that's totally embarrassing...
     UMBERTO: Because that's something you ain't got, baby! I got a whole
              sack full here! Tons of them! Balls everywhere! Balls to 
    CUBAN #2: [to Vic] Well, man, he's certainly full of balls.
    [The Cubans laugh]
     UMBERTO: You what, baby? You whispering sweet nothings into some 
              bitch's ear? Huh, lover boy?
    CUBAN #2: No, boss.
     UMBERTO: Victor Vance. This is a real man, with a lotta balls! 
              You're not scared of no Cholos, are you, Vic?
         VIC: You know I ain't scared of nobody.
     UMBERTO: So show 'em your balls.
         VIC: No. I was in the army, not the navy.
    [The Cubans laugh]
     UMBERTO: Screw you bitches!
         VIC: [laughs] Come on, man. I'm just messing with you.
     UMBERTO: Someone's gotta teach these Cholos a lesson. I guess I have
              to go... alone.
    CUBAN #1: Umberto, boss, I'm up for anything, man. I just don't want
              to have to take my balls out again.
    CUBAN #3: Yeah, can't we just go hit shit up and keep our pants on?
    CUBAN #2: Yeah, let's roll.
    [The Cubans start heading out]
    UMBERTO: [laughs] See, Vic? They didn't want to go and now they've 
             gone. The art of leadership, my friend, is making people 
             believe they had the idea all along.
    [Vic laughs]
    [Cut to Vic, Umberto and the Cubans outside. The Cubans get into 
    UMBERTO: My men are going to collect a little gift for the Cholo.
             They'll meet up with you after.
        VIC: After what?
    [The Cubans drive off]
    UMBERTO: After you've cleared the way for us. Then we can hit the 
             Cholos hard and take their guns! I'll coordinate the attack
             from here.
        VIC: Sure, big man... We really need a coordinator back here...
    [Vic kills the Cholos guarding the warehouse]
    [The Cubans' vans drive inside the warehouse]
    CUBAN: I said we're gonna need some protection while we're loading 
           up, man.
      VIC: I've got your backs.
    CUBAN: [laughs] Do you like our gift for the Cholo, man?
    [Hanging from the ceiling is a pinata of Umberto with his middle 
    finger sticking up]
    VIC: Very tasteful.
    [Vic holds off the Cholos while the Cubans load the guns into their 
    [The Cubans are back in one of their vans]
    CUBAN: We've got what we came for. We're gonna go back now, OK?
    [The Cubans drive off]
    [Vic gets in the other van and drives back to Umberto's house]
    [Vic has exited the van]
    UMBERTO: [laughs] My friend, today is a good day!
    [Some Cholos are looking at the pinata in the warehouse]
    UMBERTO: We've turned the tide in Little Havana. The Cholos are 
    [A Cholo hits the pinata with his baseball bat. The whole warehouse 
    explodes. A Cholo runs out of the warehouse on fire. He drops down 
    [Cut back to Umberto's house]
    UMBERTO: Umberto Robina says you are a true friend. You can count on
             me for anything. I love you, man! Like a son, or a dog...
    24) The Audition (Lance)
    [Vic enters Lance's hotel to find Lance on the sofa, talking to 
    someone on his mobile phone]
    LANCE: I am Lance Vance, baby. You can trust me. Lance T. Vance - 'T' 
           for Trust. Great. Yeah, love. I love you, man! No, not in a
           funny way. Yeah. A'ight. Ciao. 
    [Lance hangs up]
      VIC: What was that?
    LANCE: Nothing. 
      VIC: Didn't sound like nothing.
    LANCE: Vic, look at me - it was nothing.
      VIC: And you look at me - what was that about?
    [Lance gets up]
    LANCE: You'll thank me.
      VIC: Like I haven't heard that before. What have you done?
    LANCE: I found a way in; two kids, broken home, no education, no
      VIC: What?
    LANCE: ...and rich as shit. It's the American dream, baby! Pete with
           good medical treatment.      
      VIC: Look, we're not kids.
    LANCE: We're young at heart. Listen, I met a big player, and we'll 
           get big money for doing absolutely nothing...
      VIC: This better not be drugs.
    LANCE: We won't be touching no drugs, man. Come on. You know, I'm 
           your brother. You can trust me.
    [Cut to Vic and Lance outside]
      VIC: So who is this "player"?
    LANCE: My man's name is Forbes. He's gonna call us at the burger bar
           any minute now, so let's get down there pronto.
    [Vic and Lance are in a Cheetah sports car. They drive to the King 
    Knut's burger bar just down the road]
    [They exit the car]
    [Cut to them inside the bar. Lance is using the payphone]
    LANCE: So merchandise is hidden in the car's side panels? Ah, yeah... 
           No problem.
    [End of call]
    LANCE: OK, we're gonna pick up Forbes' car. 
      VIC: That's it? No drugs? Some "player".
    LANCE: Man, give me a break! There's no winning with you.
    [Three armed robbers have entered the bar]
     LANCE: Aw, shit! You've gotta be kidding me.
    ROBBER: OK, nobody move! Come on! Hands where I can see 'em! Do it!
    [Everyone puts their hands up. A customer runs for the door, but a 
    robber kills him]
    ROBBER: I said nobody fucking move!
    LANCE: Vic, come on!
    [Vic and Lance shoot past the robbers and leave the bar]
    [Cops are waiting for them outside]
    LANCE: Man, that's just typical! They think we did it? This is 
    [Vic and Lance head to the Port Authority Building]
    LANCE: Forbes' car is in the impound yard.
      VIC: So what are we doing here?
    LANCE: We're going in the back door.
    [They steal a motorbike and ride up the staircase to get to the roof. 
    They ride over a ramp to jump the gap between the two buildings. They 
    then enter the impound yard and enter Forbes' car]
    LANCE: Come on, let's get the car out of here.
      VIC: I don't get it. How is stealing one dumb car gonna make us 
    LANCE: I've got everything covered, man.
      VIC: Are there drugs hidden in the car?
    LANCE: Just chill, man... Be cool.
    [They use a ramp to exit the yard]
    LANCE: Great driving, Vic. But, um... it's best if I take it from 
    [Vic exits the car]
      VIC: Hey, hey, what're you doing?
    LANCE: Forbes doesn't know you, man. He wouldn't trust you. See ya 
           later, baby.
    [Lance drives off]
    VIC: Lance! You asshole!
    25) Money for Nothing (Forbes)
    [Lance and Bryan Forbes are talking in Forbes' apartment]
    FORBES: 'Course, you can't kid a kidder.
    [Lance laughs. Vic enters]
    FORBES: Hey, Vic!
       VIC: Hey.
     LANCE: Yo, bro, wassup? [laughs]
    FORBES: So, Vic, you wanna hear about a little plan that is going to
            make us three very rich?
     LANCE: Very rich.
       VIC: So what's the risk?
    FORBES: Well, let me put it like this: you will not be handling any
            drugs. All I need you to do is keep the cops busy while Lance
            and I steal some merch' off the scum who brought it into this
     LANCE: The drugs are already here, so we ain't drug trafficking.
    FORBES: Exactly! You're just the decoy. All you gotta do is make the
            police THINK you're carrying. They can't arrest you for that.
       VIC: No, but they can shoot me.
    FORBES: Don't be ridiculous! 
     LANCE: Yeah. Come on, man! Come on.
    FORBES: Vic, you'll be fine! Rich and fine.
       VIC: Alright, let's do it.
     LANCE: Yeah! Let's pop!
    [Vic, Lance and Forbes get in the decoy van and drive to the 
    warehouse in Little Haiti]
    [Vic drives the van inside the warehouse. Two cops are watching from 
    a nearby rooftop. Inside the warehouse is another van, but it is 
     LANCE: This is gonna be the decoy van. Come on, Vic, you drive.
       VIC: This van's the wrong colour, Forbes.
    FORBES: Relax. It's nothing a little paint can't fix.
    [The decoy van's colour has been changed to blue]
     LANCE: This van is good to Van Gogh! [laughs]
    FORBES: Yeah, funny... Vic, take the decoy and lead the cops away 
            from here. We'll let you know when we're home free.
    [Lance and Forbes are in the other van. Vic enters the decoy van and 
    drives south, away from the warehouse. He starts getting chased by 
    the police]
    LANCE: [on radio] Breaker - Breaker. What's your twenty?
      VIC: For Christ-sake's Lance, speak English. 
    LANCE: [on radio] Uh, yeah... We're on our way. Keep the cops busy.
    [Vic keeps the cops busy while Lance and Forbes make their way to 
    their destination]
    LANCE: [on radio] [one phrase] We're nearly there. Just a little
           [another phrase] Hey, Bryan, can we stop for a burger?
    [Lance and Forbes eventually reach their destination]
    LANCE: [to radio] We're there! Ten-Ten, let's do it again, big 
           cowboy. Lose the smokey, Vic. You're all done.
    [Vic loses the police]
    26) Caught as an Act (Lance)
    [Vic meets up with Forbes outside the stadium]
    FORBES: Victor V, what's popping, partner?
       VIC: What?
    FORBES: What's popping? 
       VIC: What the fuck are you talking about?
    FORBES: Isn't that what you guys say? "What's popping?"
       VIC: I think that must be Lance.
    [Vic looks past Forbes]
    FORBES: What?
       VIC: You got everything sorted? No trouble?
    FORBES: 'Course. Hey, I was just giving you shit, you know?
       VIC: Yeah. Whatever.
    FORBES: Great, great. Here's your brother...
    [Lance is walking towards them. He is hiding a pistol behind his 
    FORBES: What's popping, baby?
     LANCE: You!
       VIC: Lance, what's going on?
    [Lance points the gun at Forbes' face]
     LANCE: You're a freaking cop! You think you can mess with Lance T.
            Vance, you punk?!
    FORBES: Hey, chill...
     LANCE: Chill?! 
    [Lance fires a warning shot]
    FORBES: Yes. You're right. I am a cop. I was gonna tell you. I need 
            money. I wanna work with you guys. I ain't gonna bust you.
     LANCE: Not now, you ain't. I'm gonna bust you!
    [Forbes punches Lance in the face and starts running away]
      VIC: Let's go!
    LANCE: I am going!
    [Vic and Lance run after Forbes]
    [Forbes is trying to escape in a car]
    LANCE: Get him, Vic. We gotta find out what he knows.
    [Vic and Lance steal a car and ram Forbes' car. Their money starts 
    pouring out of the boot]
    LANCE: Aw, man, that's our money! Get him!
      VIC: What the hell is our money doing in there?
    LANCE: You never know when you're gonna need a few grand...
    [Vic drags Forbes out of his car]
    LANCE: I got a place we can take him. Come on.
    [Forbes is tied to a chair inside a derelict building in Little 
    Haiti. A bag is over his head]
       VIC: I don't know about this, Lance.
     LANCE: It's either this, or kill him. What do you think, Forbes?
    FORBES: Uh, I definitely prefer it this way.
     LANCE: We'll let him sweat for a while. We'll be back. You sit 
            tight, buddy.
    27) Leap and Bound (Forbes)
    [Lance is interrogating Forbes in the building]
    FORBES: So you want information. And what better source than a cop, 
    [Vic enters]
     LANCE: Hey, Vic, see? Great minds think alike.
    FORBES: Yeah, fools seldom differ, dip shit. You want info? How about
            this? There's a dealer's boat mooring up Downtown today. The
            dealer's not the trusting kind, and he'll only meet one-on-
            one. He's carrying money and coke, and he doesn't believe in
       VIC: Why should we trust you?
    FORBES: If I'm lying, genius, I'm a dead man, right?
     LANCE: I'll meet this guy, Vic. You can watch over me, and I'll see
            you down there.
    [Vic finds a good vantage point to watch over Lance]
    [The dealer is waiting on the pier. Lance exits his car]
    [Vic uses binoculars to keep an eye on Lance. During the deal, the 
    dealer starts beating up Lance. Vic heads down to the pier]
    [The dealer drags an unconscious Lance onto his speedboat. He speeds 
    [Vic chases the boat]
    [The boat pulls up behind a ship in Viceport]
    [Vic enters the ship and finds Lance tied to a chair]
    [Vic is untying Lance]
      VIC: I thought this guy didn't use bodyguards?
    LANCE: Forbes' info is seriously out of date. I'll get us some 
           transport, you get what we came for, and I'll meet you on
    [Vic collects the contraband and meets Lance on shore]
    [Lance is in a Perennial estate car. Vic has finished loading the 
    stuff into the car]
    LANCE: Hey! Make sure that no one can see it back there.
      VIC: [sarcastically] Nice wheels...
    LANCE: I was in a hurry! The sooner I offload this coke, the better.
           This junk heap ain't doing my image any favours. Hey, catch 
           you later, bro.
    [Lance drives off]
    VIC: Hey! Don't mind me, dick!
    28) The Bum Deal (Forbes)
    [Vic and Lance are interrogating Forbes in the building]
     LANCE: I know there's a major shipment coming in real soon. I've
            been to your apartment and I've read your files...
    FORBES: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was going tell you about that. The 
            contact is at the White Stallionz Bar. They'll give you 
            exactly what you need. 
     LANCE: You better not be screwing us!
    FORBES: Me? Gimme a break. I'm your best buddy.
    [Vic and Lance head to the White Stallionz Bar]
    [Vic and Lance have entered the bar. It's a white supremacist gay 
    bar. There are bikers inside. Two bikers are dancing with each other]
         VIC: Something's not right about this place.
       LANCE: Yeah. I didn't know bikers were into disco.
         VIC: I think Forbes has fucked us again.
    BIKER #1: Your kind ain't welcome here.
    BIKER #2: I wanna bareback the little one.
       LANCE: Aw, shit... It's two for one at the boy's club. Shit.
    [Vic and Lance kill the bikers, who are called the Stallionz]
    LANCE: Man, Forbes screwed us again! Let's get back and screw HIM,
           metaphorically speaking.
    [They head back to the derelict building]
    [Forbes runs out of the building and gets on a moped]
    LANCE: What the hell?! That's Forbes!
    [Forbes tries to escape]
    LANCE: Get him!
    [They chase and kill Forbes]
    LANCE: Aw, man... I didn't mean for us to kill him.
      VIC: It's a little late now, Lance!
    [Vic takes Lance back to his hotel]
    LANCE: I know there was something to this big shipment he was talking
           about, and I'm gonna find out. Later, man.
    [Lance goes inside]
    29) Snitch Hitch (Lance)
    [Lance is talking to someone on the phone in his hotel]
    LANCE: Pink. No, blue. No, white - I'll take all three.
    [Vic enters and tries to pull the phone out of Lance's hand]
    LANCE: Hey... I'll call you back!
    [Vic grabs the phone and throws it across the room]
    LANCE: What's your problem, man? Huh?
      VIC: My problem? My problem is you're going to have us both killed 
           because you're a moron. I told you not to get us in so deep.
    LANCE: Oh, shut up and grow some balls.
      VIC: What, tough guy? What did you say to me?
    [Vic grabs Lance by the neck and pulls him up off the sofa]
    VIC: When will YOU grow a fucking brain?!
    [Janet Vance enters with Javier, her boyfriend]
            JANET: Hello, boys!
    VIC and LANCE: Mom!
            JANET: Victor, put your brother down.
    [Vic releases Lance]
      VIC: What are you doing here, Mom?
    JANET: I'm cleaning up my act. I'm off the drugs for good.
      VIC: Here we go again...
    JANET: Can I get a drink, Lance, honey?
    LANCE: Who's that?
    JANET: That's Javier! He's been very sweet to me.
      VIC: Oh, gimme a break.
    LANCE: I'm tired of your bullshit, Mom. You've come here to ruin
           things for us again.
    JANET: How can you say that? I raised you!
    LANCE: Aunt Enid raised us, not you.
    JANET: I'm clean. Give me a chance, Victor. Please?
      VIC: You can stay with Lance, Mom.
    LANCE: What?
      VIC: But I don't want any trouble. I've got enough horseshit 
           dealing with him.
    LANCE: Er, Vic, we gotta go meet that friend of yours at the 
      VIC: What?
    LANCE: I'll explain on the way.
      VIC: Oh, right. You two, stay out of trouble.
    [Vic and Lance head out]
    JAVIER: Lick me, senora. 
    [Janet and Javier kiss] 
    [Cut to Vic and Lance outside]
      VIC: What friend at the airport?
    LANCE: This guy's a dealer who's getting out of the business. He's
           getting us a file about this big shipment coming in.
      VIC: How much is this gonna cost?
    LANCE: You gotta speculate to accumulate. We're yuppies now, bro.
    [They get in the car]
    LANCE: This dude's plane could be leaving anytime, so let's pop big- 
    [They head to the airport]
    [They meet the dealer inside the terminal]
     LANCE: You got the goods?
    DEALER: You're too late, man. I told you - first come, first served.
     LANCE: Man, that was our file! Who did you sell it to?
    DEALER: Some dude over at Terminal C. He got a private jet and a 
            private army. I don't think you wanna mess with him.
     LANCE: We'll see about that!
    [Vic and Lance head to Terminal C. Goons are guarding the jet]
    LANCE: Where's my file, you mother-suckers?!
    [Vic and Lance attack the goons]
    LANCE: Don't get me angry!
    LANCE: I'll kick your asses! 
    LANCE: Come on, you mothers!
    [Vic and Lance kill them all]
    [Bikers arrive]
    LANCE: What the hell are they doing here?!
      VIC: I'm guessing we're not the only ones your contact turned away
    LANCE: I'll get the file.
    [Lance runs towards the jet]
    BIKER: Give us the file!
    [Vic kills the bikers]
      VIC: Lance?
    LANCE: [from inside] Hey, bro, this cat really knew how to travel! 
           There's some stylish shit in here.
      VIC: Never mind that. Did you get the file?!
    [Lance gets off the jet with the file]
    LANCE: Sure. No problem.
      VIC: No problem? I could have used a little help out here, 
           ass brain!
    LANCE: Take it easy, bro. It's all good. 
      VIC: Lance, take the file and get the hell out of my sight.
    30) From Zero to Hero (Lance)
    [Lance is in his hotel. Vic enters]
    LANCE: Ah, just in time, bro! [laughs] Yeah!
      VIC: Lance, I'm through with this, man.
    LANCE: What, you mean this dump? Yeah, me too. [laughs]
      VIC: No, I'm through with this bullshit. I don't wanna be a damn
           drug dealer. It's for assholes.
    LANCE: Vic, don't go soft on me now. I got what we finally needed. I
           know how we can get our hands on one big shipment, completely
           free. We can finally get Pete the health care he needs.
      VIC: Look, Lance, I'm a long way from being a good guy, but drugs 
           just mean trouble.
    LANCE: I agree, man. 100% agree. That's why we're gonna get this one
           big payday for all the hard work, and split! Jerry Martinez - 
           it's his coke.
      VIC: Uh... fuck it. You know what? Let's do it.
    LANCE: Alright! Ladies and gentlemen, that is a real man. Let's pop.
    [They head out]
    LANCE: We're gonna make it big, Vic. I have a dream... I have a 
      VIC: Your dream is my nightmare.
    LANCE: Don't be like that, man...
    [Two men are standing next to a car]
    LANCE: Look, I've even arranged some insurance. Come on, guys. Time 
           to pop.
    [They all get in the car]
    [They make their way to the docks in Little Haiti. On the way...]
      VIC: So, what's the plan?
    LANCE: Martinez is bringing in that big ass shipment Forbes was
           rapping about. We're gonna rip it off.
    [They reach the docks]
    LANCE: I'll take a look and see what's happening.
    [Cut to Lance looking around the corner of a building. Some gang 
    members are loading a crate into a truck]
    GANG MEMBER: Hey, why do you mess with me?
    [Lance goes back to Vic and their allies, who have all left the car]
    LANCE: You two just sight tight and make sure our exit is clear. This
           is about to get ugly.
    [Vic and Lance kill the gang members]
    LANCE: Take the other truck and follow me. Looks like your friend
           Martinez finally showed up!
      VIC: Shit!
    [Martinez flies past in a Hunter]
    [Vic gets in a truck and starts following Lance, who has entered the 
    other truck]
    LANCE: [on radio] Try to keep up, man. I'm a BAD driver.
      VIC: You said it.
    [Vic and Lance drive through the city. Gang members chase and shoot 
    at them on the way, but they lose them. Vic and Lance drive onto the 
    southernmost bridge to the east island]
    [Martinez flies in]
    [Martinez fires missiles at the bridge, but Vic and Lance dodge them. 
    They reach the other side of the bridge]
    [They smash through a police roadblock. Martinez flies away]
    LANCE: [on radio] Hey, looks like the cops have scared off Martinez.
    [They get a 4-star wanted level]
    LANCE: [on radio] Oh, shit! They're after US now!
    [They drive to an apartment at the south end of Ocean Beach]
    [They park the trucks inside the garage]
    [Cut to them walking around the side of the apartment]
    LANCE: [singing] Rich at last! Uh-huh! Rich at last, huh. Thank God 
           almighty, we are rich at last!
      VIC: We haven't sold this shit yet.
    LANCE: We'd better. I've just bought us both fancy apartments. We're
           mortgaged to the hilt.
      VIC: We're supposed to be getting out of this shit.
    LANCE: We are! But I gotta do it in style! I got a reputation to
    31) Brawn of the Dead (Lance)
    [Vic is on the phone in Lance's apartment. Lance enters, wearing a 
    smart suit]
       LANCE: Hey, Vic. Like the new threads?
         VIC: Terrifying. I need to use the phone. 
    MARTINEZ: [on phone] Yeah?
         VIC: Thanks for the coke, Martinez. [chuckles] Now you know how 
              it feels to get fucked.
    MARTINEZ: Oh, you fucked us both, Vic. That coke you ripped off 
              belonged to the Mendez brothers. I was just the shepherd. 
              Now we're all on their shit list, and the only way off is 
              in a fucking bag. I'm turning states. I'm gonna ruin you, 
              your brother, Mendez, everyone. Happy holidays.
    [Lance walks out]
    VIC: Lance! You useless degenerate asshole!
    [Cut to Vic and Lance in the garage]
    LANCE: We don't have to worry about a thing. Once we sell the coke, 
           we can pay off the feds and handle anything the Mendez 
           brothers throw at us. 
    [They enter Lance's Infernus sports car]
    LANCE: Listen, I've got a buyer. Let's go see him.
    [They drive to the Vice Point Mall. On the way...]
    LANCE: My man is filming some... 'Z' list movie over at the mall. 
           They only let him shoot at night, so we'd better get over 
           there, pronto.
    [Inside the mall, Vic and Lance walk up to Spitz, who is talking to a 
    LANCE: Hey, Spitz! 
    [The other man walks off]
    LANCE: Looking for inspiration? I got all you need.
    SPITZ: All I need, huh? A stuntman's what I need. We've got to wrap 
           this scene before the mall opens. 
    LANCE: Vic can handle your stunts. Meanwhile, you and I can talk snow
    [Cut to Vic and a woman standing at the information desk. They are 
    both armed with shotguns. People dressed as zombies are walking 
    towards them]
    [Vic and the woman kill lots of 'zombies' for one minute]
    [Vic is standing outside the record store with a katana sword. 
    'Zombies' are walking towards him]
    [Vic holds off the 'zombies' for 1:30]
    [Vic is sitting on a bench. Lance walks up to him]
    LANCE: I am my brother's keeper. We got the deal. We're made for 
           life! Let's go pick up the yayo.
    [They head back to Lance's apartment]
    [They are inside the apartment, and they are both laughing]
      VIC: Mom!
    LANCE: Mom! Hey, we're rich!
    [They stop laughing and look around]
    LANCE: Where is she?
      VIC: Ah, never mind, man. Just get the yayo.
    LANCE: Yeah, it's in the spare room. [laughs]
    [Lance goes into the spare room]
    LANCE: Oh, shit!
      VIC: What?
    [Lance comes back out]
    LANCE: It's gone!
      VIC: What?!
    LANCE: And Mom's stuff is gone, too.
      VIC: Argh... Mom! Lance!
    LANCE: Ain't that a bitch! I can't believe she took our coke!
      VIC: Yeah, so what do we do now, moron?
    LANCE: Wait, wait, let me think. I know we can make it right. We'll
           just, uh... We'll explain things to Mendez brothers, you know?
      VIC: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure in between chopping us up and 
           feeding us to their dogs, they'll be very understanding. 
           Lance, if we get out of this, I'm gonna kill you! Asshole!
    [Vic leaves]
    32) Blitzkrieg (Lance)
    This mission has an alternative opening, but we'll go over that at 
    the end. Let's go over the main mission first.
    [Lance is in his apartment]
    LANCE: ...find a way to get outta this, man. [snivels]
    [Vic enters]
    VIC: Lance... what the fuck is wrong now?
    [Vic sits on a sofa]
    LANCE: Nothing. Nothing at all. We're fine. 
      VIC: Really? 'Cause I tell you something, we don't look fine.
    LANCE: Well, let me tell YOU something, we are. Hm-hmmm.
      VIC: Well, "we" look like a moron who just realised "we" just 
           screwed up his entire family.
    LANCE: Well, speak for your damn self. It's just business, baby. I 
           think I sorted out everything. I am cool, man. I am relaxed as
           hell. Yeah.
      VIC: What are you talking about?
    LANCE: The Mendez brothers, they don't want us dead anymore. 
      VIC: No?
    LANCE: No. They might want to hurt us a bit, but kill us? Naw...
    [Vic gets up and follows Lance around the room]
      VIC: OK, so a pair of homicidal lunatics merely want to hurt me a 
           bit, and I'm actually pleased about it. What have you gotten 
           us into, you dumb shit?!
    LANCE: Bro, we're cool! No problem.
      VIC: Oh... Lance...
    [The phone rings. Lance answers it]
    LANCE: Yeah. It's the Don. [pause] What? You're shitting me, right? 
    [Lance hangs up]
    LANCE: Damn.
      VIC: What?!
    LANCE: There might be a... little problem.
    [Cut to Vic and Lance walking through the garage]
    LANCE: Stop yelling at me! It's not my fault!
      VIC: Yes, it is! If you hadn't stolen the Mendez's coke, they 
           wouldn't be attacking all of my businesses!
    LANCE: I'm sick and tired of you blaming me for everything! Now I'm
           gonna save your empire. You do what you want.
    [Lance gets in a car and drives off]
    [Vic goes to help Lance and his gang defend a business from the 
    Mendez goons]
    LANCE: You're on my turf now!
    LANCE: You're all mine!
    LANCE: You're dead!
    LANCE: My name is Lance! You haven't a chance!
    LANCE: I'll break you in two!
    LANCE: I know Kung-Fu!
    LANCE: Chicken!
    [All the goons are dead]
      VIC: We did it! We won!
    LANCE: Yeah... Well, I wouldn't go that far, bro.
      VIC: What do you mean?
    LANCE: We might have won the day here, but we probably got our asses
           whipped elsewhere. Sorry, man.
    ALTERNATIVE OPENING: You need to take over at least five businesses 
    before you can do this mission, or you'll get an alternative opening:
    [Lance is in his apartment, looking out the window. Vic enters]
    LANCE: Hey, Vic, what're you doing here, man? You should be out there
           building our empire.
      VIC: What empire? I own a few businesses. Now it's an empire? And 
           what do you mean "our" empire?
    LANCE: Call it what you want. But when the Mendez brothers finally 
           work out that we ripped them off, you're gonna need all the
           cash you can get.
      VIC: What? And you're just gonna sit here?
    LANCE: Hey, man, it's your empire.
    33) The Mugshot Longshot (Mendez brothers)
    [In the Mendez mansion, Vic and Lance are ordered by a Mendez goon to 
    sit on a sofa. Armando and Diego Mendez enter]
    ARMANDO: Ah, siblings! Just like me and Diego. How apt.
    [Lance gets up]
    LANCE: Listen, Mendez, we don't want no crap.
    [The Mendez goon hits Lance on the back with a pistol. Lance falls 
    back onto the sofa]
    VIC: Hey, mother--!
    [Vic gets up, but the Mendez goon points his gun at him]
    ARMANDO: Listen, Vance brothers, you want me to kill you now? No 
             problem. Or we can work together. Your call.
        VIC: What the hell kinda choice is that?
    [Vic sits down again]
      LANCE: Alright, I guess we're gonna work together.
    ARMANDO: Good. Diego? 
      DIEGO: Si.
    ARMANDO: So... Victor, Lance, who has been ripping us off? All of us,
             because now we are partners; a team, as it were. Four 
        VIC: Yeah--
      LANCE: It was Martinez.
    ARMANDO: Really? OK, prove it. I mean, prove it now.
    [Cut to Vic and Lance outside the mansion]
      VIC: How the hell are we gonna prove Martinez was behind them 
           losing their shipment?  
    LANCE: Look, Martinez is turning states. All we need to do is get 
           some photos of him with the feds. We could even make out like
           he was an undercover cop like Forbes. That's it. Man, I am a 
           genius. Take some photos of Martinez talking to the feds, then
           get Forbes' ID from my place and meet me at the Print Works.
    [Lance gets in his car]
      VIC: The Print Works?
    LANCE: Trust me... I see you there, brother.
    [Lance drives off]
    [Vic heads to the Washington Beach police station]
    [Martinez and a DEA agent are leaving the station]
    MARTINEZ: Come on, man. This town ain't safe for me anymore. 
       AGENT: Calm down, sir. You're in the witness protection program 
              now. We'll take care of everything.
    [They get in a car]
    [Vic takes a photo of Martinez with the agent. They start driving 
    away. Vic follows them to the marina in Ocean Beach]
    [Martinez and the agent exit the car and walk along a pier towards a 
    MARTINEZ: Is this the best you could get me? I should have taken my
              chances with the Mendez brothers.
       AGENT: Sir, turning states evidence isn't a lottery win. You're
              lucky to get this.
    [They are now on the boat. Vic takes a photo of Martinez]
    [Martinez and the agent start heading off with the yacht]
    MARTINEZ: Hey! Some idiot is taking photos of me. What kind of 
              security is this? He could have a gun. Get me the hell out
              of here. You guys suck! I mean seriously suck!
    [Vic picks up Forbes' DEA ID from Lance's apartment. He then goes to 
    meet Lance at the Print Works]
    LANCE: Photos, Forbes' ID - cool. I'll put them together with these
           phoney ID papers my man just forged.
      VIC: So, instead of DEA agent Forbes...
    LANCE: We've got agent Jerry Martinez - 1st class asshole. That 
           should convince Mendez that Jerry was a cop.
    [Lance gets in his car]
      VIC: What if it doesn't?
    LANCE: Run. But don't come running after me. My ass will be up in a 
           tree in Haiti.
    [Lance drives off]
    34) Hostile Takeover (Mendez brothers)
    [Vic has entered the Mendez mansion and is looking around it. Armando 
    appears behind him]
    ARMANDO: So, now we're together. And yet, business is hard. This 
             industry is full of criminals. 
        VIC: Oh, yeah?
    ARMANDO: Money can be so corrupting. I find it very distasteful. 
        VIC: Heh. Well, you know, that's the deal with the drugs trade. 
             It attracts the wrong sort.
    ARMANDO: Quite. Are you trustworthy, friend?
        VIC: I don't know. After what I've been through recently, I'd say
             probably not.
    ARMANDO: Great! Honesty is a very attractive quality. I'm promoting 
             you, Vic.
        VIC: Thanks. What do you need me to do?
    ARMANDO: Head to Vice Point. The people there have been ripping me 
             off for years. Remove them and set up shop. We need a place
             we can distribute product from. 
        VIC: Look, I ain't interested in that side of the business.
    ARMANDO: Unfortunately, you don't have a choice. Now, Vic, please,
    [Vic heads out]
    [Vic goes to the business site in Vice Point and kills all the bikers 
    [Nine bikers pull up on Angel motorbikes. Four of the bikes have two 
    bikers on them. The fifth one has only one biker. A biker runs out of 
    the building and gets on that bike. The bikers speed off]
    [Vic chases and kills them]
    35) Unfriendly Competition (Mendez brothers)
    [Diego is sitting and reading a book in the Mendez mansion. Vic 
    enters. Diego sighs when he sees him]
    VIC: Excuse me.
    [Diego sighs and tries to ignore him]
      VIC: Mr. Mendez.
    DIEGO: Armando! Aqui! Tus Amigos!
    [Diego sighs and goes back to his book]
    VIC: Nice talking to you too, pal.
    [Armando enters]
    ARMANDO: Ah, my brother. What a conversationalist. Only today we were
             discussing philosophy. He is a great fan of Plato, but I 
             have always been more Aristotelian. I think perhaps that is
             why he is so happy, and I am so weighed down by worry. What
             do you think?
        VIC: Me? Shit. The world is full of suffering, then you die.
    ARMANDO: See! I knew we were of one mind, you and I, which is why I
             know you will feel this slight as much as me.
        VIC: Here we go...
    ARMANDO: Some crooks have shown their contempt for us by using our 
             home as an entryway for drugs into this fine nation.
        VIC: Like you?
    ARMANDO: Exactly! Plagiarism! It is an insult! I hope you're wise 
             enough to see that if you let a man insult you, before long
             he will try to kill you. You must kill these degenerates. 
             You'll find them near Ocean Beach.
    [Vic goes to the first drug runner's place, which is in Vice Point]
    DRUG RUNNER: Who the hell is that guy?
    [Vic kills the drug runner and his bodyguards. He then goes to the 
    Standing Vice Point Hotel where he finds the other drug runner]
    [Vic confronts the drug runner in the swimming pool area behind the 
    DRUG RUNNER: This is a private party, pal.
            VIC: Yeah? Well, this is a public execution.
    [Vic points his weapon at him]
    DRUG RUNNER: Holy shit! Get him, girls!
    [The drug runner runs away. His female bodyguards point their guns at 
    Vic. We hear a gun cocking]
    VIC: Motherfucker.
    [Vic kills all the bodyguards]
    [The drug runner is on a quad bike down on the beach. Two girls are 
    with him - one is on the bike with him, the other is on another quad 
    bike. Two more girls run down towards him]
    [Vic chases and kills him]
    36) High Wire (Mendez brothers)
    [Armando is walking around a room in the Mendez mansion. Vic enters]
    ARMANDO: Whoa, thank God you're here.
        VIC: What's going on?
    ARMANDO: I've got some bad news, friend. You're in terrible trouble.
        VIC: What?
    ARMANDO: Diego is beside himself with worry.
        VIC: Wait a minute, hold on. What are you talking about?
    ARMANDO: The police got some of our merchandise. But it's you we're
             worried about.
        VIC: Why?
    ARMANDO: You see, we're utilitarians - the greatest good for the 
             greatest number. And there are two of us, but only one of
             you. So Diego suggested we explain to the police that the
             cocaine was yours.
        VIC: Wha... [sarcastically] Oh-ho-ho, oh, yeah, that's very 
             thoughtful of you.
    ARMANDO: And unfortunately, I have this paperwork showing your 
             involvement in the project. Unless we could resolve this 
             little distraction.
        VIC: And how do you suggest we do that?
    ARMANDO: You steal the cocaine back for us. It's been impounded. You
             must steal it before they take it back to the police 
             station. Thank you, Vic. I do so enjoy our conversations. I 
             find you very inspiring.
        VIC: Thanks. Here we go again.
    [Vic heads out]
    ARMANDO: Have fun!
    [Vic goes to the breakers yard in Little Haiti where he finds a 
    helicopter with a magnet on it] 
    [A Mendez Cartel goon is in a car]
    GOON: There are some cargo containers at the police impound. Our coke 
          is hidden inside them, all mixed up amongst the other cargo.
     VIC: Don't worry. I'll get them out of there.
    GOON: Muy Bien. I'll be in touch.
    [The goon drives off]
    [Vic gets in the helicopter and flies to the impound. He picks up a 
    GOON: [on radio] Senor, take the containers to the drop-off point.
    [Vic takes the container to the drop-off point in the airport]
    [A truck drives out of the impound with the other container]
    GOON: [on radio] Caray! The cops are moving the last container! Get
          it back! Vamos!
    [Vic lifts the container off the back of the truck]
    GOON: [on radio] I can't believe you did it! Senor, it's been a 
          pleasure watching your work. Adios.
    [Vic takes the container to the drop-off point]
    GOON: [on radio] Senor! Senor! Please, help me! The bikers are after 
          me! I can't get away! Oh, Madre dios!
    [Vic catches up with the goon, who is being chased by bikers]
    GOON: [on radio] Come quick!
    GOON: [on radio] Help me!
    GOON: [on radio] Please, senor!
    [Vic manages to pick up the goon's car]
    GOON: [on radio] Thank you, senor! You're incredible!
     VIC: No problem. Where do you want me to drop you off?
    GOON: [on radio] [laughs] Oh, please, don't drop me, senor! [laughs]
          Take me to the car park. Gracias!
    [Vic drops the goon's car on the roof of the multi-storey car park in 
    Ocean Beach]
    GOON: [on radio] Gracias, senor! That was fantastic! Adios!
    37) Turn on, Tune in, Bug out (Lance)
    [An anxious Lance is looking under a sofa in his apartment. Vic 
      VIC: Lance!
    LANCE: Oh, no.
      VIC: Lance, get over here and explain yourself.
    [Lance gets up]
    LANCE: Sssh!
      VIC: Stop acting like a child.
    LANCE: Sssh!
      VIC: Don't you shush me.
    LANCE: Keep your voice down...
      VIC: No. You can barely tie your own shoelaces, and you're telling
           me how to behave? 
    LANCE: [shouting] Will you shut up, you stupid gorilla?! The place is
           bugged! The DEA is onto us! Happy now?!
    [Cut to Vic running outside. Lance runs after him]
    LANCE: Hey, where you going, man?
      VIC: We're gonna have bugs in all our places.
    LANCE: And by the time you've found them all, we'll be halfway 
           through a long jail term!
      VIC: What am I supposed to do?
    LANCE: These bugs transmit long range... so knock out all the police
           antennae. The DEA won't even get a signal from these things.
    [Vic goes to Ammu-Nation and buys a rocket launcher. He then destroys 
    the antennae on the roof of the police stations in Washington Beach, 
    Little Havana and Downtown. He then loses his wanted level]
    38) Accidents Will Happen (Reni)
    [Reni Wassulmaier and Frankie are in an office in Interglobal 
    Studios. "Success" and "Failure" are written on the walls. Reni is a 
    woman, but she has the physical appearance of a man - she is a 
    RENI: What do you think, eh? It is genius, no? Genius!
    [Frankie walks around Reni]
       RENI: Frankie!
    FRANKIE: Genius, Reni.
       RENI: Genius, darling. It is the story of the age. Success und 
             failure. Man, woman. And me, I smash them together. Art und
             advertising. Future and past. Man und woman. 
    [Vic enters]
        VIC: Um...
       RENI: Frankie, who is this gorgeous man?
    FRANKIE: I don't know. Who are you?
        VIC: I'm looking for someone called Reni.
    [Frankie points out Reni, who raises his/her arms]
    FRANKIE: Ta-daa.
        VIC: Uh, yeah... Spitz said you might want something?
       RENI: Something? Ah! Cocaine! Darling, I want cocaine! Mummy wants
             some snort and she wants it now! You must be the cocaine 
             man. Frankie, the cocaine man is here!
    [Reni and Frankie both jump excitedly]
     VIC: Hey! You think you can say it any louder? I don't think they 
          heard you in Cuba.
    RENI: Oh, you fucking square. It's only a bit of snow. 
    [Frankie leaves the room]
    RENI: It's nineteen eighty fucking four, darling. Everyone is on 
     VIC: Whatever you say, mister... uh... lady... err...
    RENI: Oh, darling, I'm a little bit of everything. I'm universal.
          Reni Wassulmaier. But you, angel, you're unique. Can I film you
    [Frankie comes back into the room]
    FRANKIE: Oh, Reni, we've got a problem!
       RENI: Not now, darling. I'm flirting. I'm dreaming.
    FRANKIE: Um, Reni...
       RENI: A chateau on the Loire...
    FRANKIE: But Reni...
       RENI: Two lovers entwined...
    FRANKIE: Reni, the stunt guy just quit. He said he didn't like you
             touching his ass.
       RENI: He what? Oh, that was just fun! This is real passion. 
             [to Vic] Darling, please, save me.
    [Reni clutches Vic's legs. Frankie laughs]
     VIC: Hey, get off!
    RENI: Then save me! 
     VIC: Wait, wait, what do you need?
    RENI: Just a driver.
     VIC: OK, fine. Just get off-- Hey! Get off.
    [Cut to Vic and Reni outside]
     VIC: So you don't need any product?
    RENI: I need metaphor for the calamities of life, darling. Drive well
          and I'll find you more buyers than you can use with more users
          than you could buy. Remember, angel, this commercial needs 
          action, action, action.
    [Reni gets in a helicopter and takes off]
    RENI: [through megaphone] OK, action!
    [Vic gets in the stunt car and uses it for Reni's stunt commercial]
    [Vic speeds up a ramp and launches into the air. He smashes through a 
    window and into a building]
    RENI: [through megaphone] It's a wrap! Beautiful!
    Note: You speed up three ramps during the commercial. When you land 
    after launching off the first and third ramps, Reni says, 
    39) The Colonel's Coke (Reni)
    [Reni and Frankie are in the office in Interglobal Studios]
    FRANKIE: You have been a bad boy.
    [Frankie spanks Reni with a clipboard]
    RENI: Louder.
    [Frankie moves further back]
    FRANKIE: You have been a bad girl!
    [Frankie takes a run up and spanks Reni with the clipboard again]
       RENI: Harder!
    FRANKIE: Oh, give it a rest, Reni! I went to film school! I am an 
             expert in everything. I love bullying people. I am perfect! 
             So why do I have to spend my time whipping you?
       RENI: For the art. Oh, you're so very bourgeois. Sweet, but so, so
             average. Go. It's over. You're fired.
    FRANKIE: But Reni!
       RENI: But Reni, but Reni... Reni, you are fantastische and I am so
             very mediocre. Now go!
    [Frankie starts crying. Vic enters]
    RENI: [to Vic] Darling, you are here... to lighten my heart.
     VIC: Uh, not exactly. 
    RENI: I love you. I love this man! Kiss me!
    [Reni follows Vic around the room]
     VIC: Hey, gimme a break. 
    RENI: I'll break you if you'll break me.
     VIC: I can't deal with this...
    RENI: Oh, darling, please, I need your help. It's a friend of mine -
          Gonzalez. [giggles] He's got to move a shit load of coke.
    [Reni and Frankie both laugh]
    VIC: Uh... yeah...
    [Vic goes to the meeting point on the pier in Downtown]
    [Gonzalez and his two bodyguards are waiting]
         VIC: Are you Gonzalez?
    GONZALEZ: Ah, you must be Victor. Senor, I need to get my Colonel's
              merchandise safely to Viceport. 
         VIC: Your Colonel? You're in the army?
    GONZALEZ: Not your army. Colonel Juan Garcia Cortez's my boss. 
         VIC: I'll bear that in mind.
    GONZALEZ: Take my copter. My men will join you.
    [Vic and Gonzalez's men walk towards a Sea Sparrow]
    [Vic gets in the helicopter. Gonzalez's men get on the pontoons. They 
    fly after Gonzalez's boat and protect it]
    GONZALEZ: [on radio] There are boats coming! Get them!
    [Vic and Gonzalez's men shoot at the enemy boats]
    GONZALEZ: [on radio] Kill them all!
    [When they reach Viceport, an enemy helicopter appears]
    GONZALEZ: [on radio] Shoot down the copters!
    [They shoot down the helicopter]
    GONZALEZ: [on radio] More boats incoming!
    [They destroy all the boats]
    [A boat is chasing Gonzalez. He speeds into a boathouse. The door 
    closes. The enemy boat crashes into the door and explodes]
    [Cut to Vic and Gonzalez on land]
    GONZALEZ: I have lost many good men today. Men I cannot afford to 
              lose if I am to protect my Colonel's interests in the deal 
         VIC: If you need a bodyguard, you could do a lot worse than me. 
              For the right price, of course.
    GONZALEZ: Maybe so, but I can't trust anyone until I've discovered 
              who leaked our arrival to those puta bandits. 
    [Gonzalez gets in a car]
    40) Kill Phil (Reni)
    [Reni and Barry Mickelthwaite are in the office in Interglobal 
     RENI: He doesn't know?
    BARRY: Uh, no. And let's keep it that way.
     RENI: Of course; he is an artist. The pressure could kill him. I 
           mean, I perform well knowing people want to drill me full of
           holes, but I am unique, darling.
    [Vic enters]
     RENI: Darling!
      VIC: Hey, Reni. 
           [to Barry] Hi, uh...
     RENI: Darling, this is darling. Darling, darling. Wunderbar. So now
           we are acquainted, no? Who wants to oompah?
      VIC: [to Barry] Uh, I'm Vic.
    BARRY: Alright? Barry, mate.
    [Vic and Barry shake hands]
     RENI: [to Vic] Now, darling, darling needs a favour.
    BARRY: Yeah, I need you to drive me and one of me clients around. 
           Major player. Could sing the birds down from the trees. You'll
           love him.
      VIC: I'm kind of expensive for a limo service.
    BARRY: Yeah, well, rock and roll is a dirty business, cock.
      VIC: Excuse me?
    BARRY: Well, this one bloke gave me three million quid, but now he
           wants it back. Cheeky twat. He's threatening to kill my bloke
           if I don't pay up.
      VIC: OK. I'll help you, but it's gonna cost.
    BARRY: Yeah, yeah. Christ on a bike, is that the time? We'd better go
           and meet me boy. You are gonna love him.
    [Vic and Barry head out]
    BARRY: I've got a special limo ordered. Let's go and get it, then 
           pick up the boy.
      VIC: A special limo?
    BARRY: Bulletproof. I'm not taking any chances, mate. This nutter 
           means business.
    [They pick up the bulletproof limo and head to the meeting point]
    [A helicopter flies in and lands. Phil Collins, Barry's client, 
    exits. Two cars containing six armed Forelli goons appear. They exit 
    the cars and start shooting at Phil]
    BARRY: Bloody hell! That nutter's sent a goon squad after me talent!
    [The helicopter blows up. Phil takes cover behind the limo]
    BARRY: Get 'em, Vic!
    [Vic exits the limo]
    [Vic kills the goons]
    [Barry is now out of the limo]
    *PHIL: Look, Barry, when I agreed to play Vice City, I didn't expect
           it to be my swansong.
    BARRY: It's no problem, mate; just some nutcase trying it on.
      VIC: Hey, aren't you...?
    *PHIL: Phil, mate. Phil Collins.
    BARRY: Let's do the meet and greet another time, eh? Come on.
    [Phil gets in the back of the limo]
    [Vic and Barry are now back in the limo. Vic starts driving Phil to 
    his hotel. Forelli goons start chasing and shooting at them]
     GOON: Giorgio wants his money back!
    *PHIL: What money? Barry, who are these nutters?
    BARRY: Keep your pretty head down, Phil! Christ on a bike, Vicky, 
           floor it!
    *PHIL: For crying out loud, Barry, what have you done this time?
    BARRY: I swear on me mother's life, on me dead mother's grave, I 
           don't know what he's on about!
    [They reach the hotel safely]
    [Phil and Barry are walking towards the hotel]
    *PHIL: Shouldn't we call the police?
    BARRY: This is Vice City, mate, seriously. Bandit country. It's 
    *PHIL: Who is this Giorgio you owe money to?
    BARRY: Oh, just a fan. He lent me... I mean, you know, he GAVE me a 
           few quid. 
    *PHIL: Barry, are you in hock to gangsters?
    BARRY: No, mate, I swear! On your life!
    *PHIL: Yeah, well, that's what I'm worried about. You're a real 
           moron. I should have left you managing that talking dog. What
           was his name? Puddles?
    41) Say Cheese (Reni)
    [Reni and Frankie are acting in a film studio in Interglobal Studios. 
    Vic enters]
    RENI: Cut, cut, cut! It is boring! Terrible! I'm a hack! Oh, 
          conventional drivel...
     VIC: Uh, Reni, you got some contacts for me?
    RENI: Darling, do serious purchasers of enormous quantities of uncut
          cocaine grow on trees?! Maybe in your town, but not in mine.
     VIC: OK, then why do you keep calling me over here? Look, I'm in 
          this to make money. For my brother. I don't have time to waste.
    RENI: Darling, that is beautiful. One day, I will make a film like
          that. Two brothers; one is a dog. The other - a librarian. Love
          blossoms between a man... and a pig. Three swans die. The end!
     VIC: [sighs] Whatever you say, but in the meantime, I've got a 
          business to run. I've got to make some money.
    RENI: But darling, wait - if it's money you need, maybe you can 
          breathe some life into this bloody fucking mess. Somebody burn
          the script! Let's make art, people!
    [Vic uses a jet ski for Reni's stunt commercial. Reni is watching 
    from a helicopter]
    RENI: [through megaphone] Jump! Use the ramp!
    RENI: [through megaphone] Faster, faster, harder!
    RENI: [through megaphone] Amazing, darling!
    RENI: [through megaphone] Yes, yes, that's it! Don't stop! 
    [Vic gets on a motorbike to continue the commercial on land]
    [A ball of cheese is outside the front door of a house]
    MAN: All because she can't get enough.
    42) Home's on the Range (Gonzalez)
    [Vic is waiting at the driving range at the golf club. Gonzalez and 
    his men pull up in caddies]
    GONZALEZ: Ah, Vic. I hope you play golf.
    [Gonzalez exits his caddy]
         VIC: Sure. I've played a round or two.
    GONZALEZ: [laughs] I play around all the time, but don't tell my 
              wife. [laughs] Vic, I find the way a man plays golf says
              much about him.
         VIC: Really?
    [A man named Jesus is tied to a buoy in the water]
    GONZALEZ: Si. For instance, I trusted Jesus over there. Yet, he 
              betrayed me. Heh! I should have known better. He's a 
              terrible golfer. Let's see if I like the way you play, eh?
              Then maybe we do business.
    [Vic takes a shot at the buoy and hits it. It explodes and sinks, 
    taking Jesus with it]
    GONZALEZ: [laughs] Bueno! You bastard! No one sells me out!
    [Gonzalez is back in the caddy]
    GONZALEZ: Well played, Vic.
         VIC: Thanks.
    GONZALEZ: Regard this as a down-payment on your services. I'll be in
    [Gonzalez drives off with his men]
    43) Purple Haze (Gonzalez)
    [Gonzalez is sitting on a sun lounger behind a hotel. Vic arrives]
    GONZALEZ: Ah, Vic, my friend. I've a small side deal requiring a 
              sensitive touch. 
         VIC: Sensitive?
    GONZALEZ: Let's just say I'd rather my boss didn't find out about 
              this... heh, or my men, for that matter.
         VIC: Let me guess - you've cut your Colonel's coke to make a
              side profit.
    GONZALEZ: Sssh. Vic, please... This is, after all, the land of 
         VIC: I don't care who you rip off, Gonzalez, as long as it's not
    GONZALEZ: Bueno. The drugs are at Ocean Beach. Take them to the deal
              in Washington. 
    [Vic picks up the drugs van in Ocean Beach. He takes them to the deal 
    in Washington Beach]
    [A truck is driving towards the van]
    VIC: What the fuck?!
    [The truck crashes into the van]
    [Cut to Vic lying on the ground, unconscious. Most of the drugs have 
    spilled out of the van. Two men have left the truck and are standing 
    beside the van]
    MAN #1: You hit the van too hard! The drugs have gone everywhere! 
            There's more on this dude than in the back!
    MAN #2: Quit whining. Let's just get this shit up to the party on
            Starfish. We've got bitches waiting.
    [The men approach the back of the van]
    [Vic gets up. He is high on the drugs. He gets a pager message from 
    GONZALEZ: [pager] What's taking so long? Ring me, pronto!
    [Vic goes to a nearby payphone]
    [Vic phones Gonzalez]
         VIC: Gonzalez? We got hit. The drugs... They're gone.
    GONZALEZ: [on phone] What? Are you fucking with me?
         VIC: No... I'm not.
    GONZALEZ: What's wrong with you? Are you high on my shit?
         VIC: No... Yeah... I must've been breathing it in while I was 
              out cold.
    GONZALEZ: I want my drugs back, Vic. I still have a buyer who might 
              be interested, but he's leaving town real soon. Kill the
              bastards who did this, and get my drugs back to the lockup!
         VIC: Oh, they'll pay alright.
    [Vic makes his way to Starfish Island]
    [We see the gang members. Most of them are dancing with women]
    [Vic kills the gang members and gets back in the van. He drives the 
    van back to the lockup]
    [Vic is now out of the van. Gonzalez walks up to him]
    GONZALEZ: Well, at least you managed to retrieve my merchandise. But 
              I think, for our friendship, this is the end. Adios.
    44) Kill Phil: Part 2 (Reni)
    [Reni, Barry, and Phil Collins are in the office in Interglobal 
    Studios. Barry is on the phone and Phil is praying]
     RENI: But darling, do you not feel a special connection between us? 
           A certain magic?
    *PHIL: No. And I'll be honest with you, you're not really my type.
           Barry, is everything sorted for tonight?
    BARRY: Mate, seriously, of course it's bloody sorted. You're gonna
           blow them away.
    *PHIL: Hmmm, well, I'm more worried about someone blowing ME away.
     RENI: All this talk of blowing!
    *PHIL: Listen, sweetheart, please take out your many frustrations on
           Barry, will you, and leave me alone?
     RENI: Barry? I've had Barry. Everyone has! 
    BARRY: Do what?
     RENI: I like a challenge.
    BARRY: Phil, he's joking.
    *PHIL: Barry?
    BARRY: Listen, Phil...
    [Reni kisses Barry]
    BARRY: Stop taking the mick!
     RENI: Yes, last year in Monaco.
    BARRY: What?
     RENI: Too much champagne...
    BARRY: No, there wasn't.
     RENI: Too much love in the air.
    BARRY: No, there wasn't. You'd better shut it. It's lies, Phil.
     RENI: But it was beautiful.
    *PHIL: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now Barry, we're safe, right?
    [Vic has entered]
    BARRY: Safe? The best security geezer in town has just turned up. 
           Would I lie to you, kid?
    *PHIL: Yes, actually. All the time.
    BARRY: Well, this time, I'm not. Vic, would I lie to him?
      VIC: Probably.
    *PHIL: We'd better go to wardrobe.
    BARRY: Vic, do us a favour. Go check the concert hall is clear. Mr.
           Superstar soppy bollocks here has gone all showbiz on me.
      VIC: Sure.
    *PHIL: Hey, I wasn't the one finding true love in Monaco...
    BARRY: Oh, shut it, or you'll be finding a new manager.
    *PHIL: Hey, don't tempt me.
    [Barry and Phil head out]
    RENI: I just love those two.
    [Vic laughs]
    RENI: They are delicious!
    [Vic goes to the Hyman Memorial Stadium. He enters the stadium and 
    starts checking out security at the stadium locations. Hitmen are at 
    the locations]
    HITMAN: Get him.
    [Vic kills the hitmen and moves on to the next location]
    HITMAN: Take him down.
    [Vic kills the hitmen and moves on to the next location]
    HITMAN: Kill him!
    [Vic kills the hitmen and moves on to the next location. There are no 
    hitmen at this location, so he moves on to the next one]
    HITMAN: He's mine!
    [Vic kills the hitmen, collects the basement keycard and goes to the 
    [Vic exits the basement lift. There are hitmen in the basement]
    HITMAN: I'm gonna warn the others.
    [The hitman runs through the basement. There is a bomb in the 
    HITMAN: Shoot him!
    HITMAN: Come on!
    HITMAN: Take him!
    HITMAN: I've got him.
    [Vic kills the hitmen]
    [Vic has left the stadium. Barry and Phil pull up in a limo. They 
    exit it]
    BARRY: It's Vic. See? I told you, nothing to worry about.
    *PHIL: Yeah, yeah. I'll see you inside.
    [Phil walks towards the stadium]
    BARRY: [to Vic] Seriously, mate, is everything all right?
      VIC: Sure. But, um, you might want to call bomb disposal.
    BARRY: Bomb disposal? Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Good one. Yeah, yeah.
           Fucking comedian, yeah. Yeah, should put you on the fucking
           stage, uh? 
    [Barry runs after Phil]
    BARRY: Phil mate, uh, maybe we should delay rehearsals a while, eh? 
           Technical issues, you know. Nothing serious; it's all right.
    45) Taking the Fall (Lance)
    [Lance is on the phone in his apartment]
    LANCE: [laughs] Yeah, I'm Lance T. Vance, baby!
    [Vic has entered]
    LANCE: 'T' for tulips in Thailand. Great. [laughs] Yeah, look, I 
           gotta go. A'ight. Later.
    [Lance hangs up]
      VIC: So who was that?
    LANCE: Oh, bro, that's just the accountant. He's getting us a better 
           rate at cleaning the money.
      VIC: And you call the accountant "baby"?
    LANCE: Well, yeah. I'm a friendly guy. And "baby" is slang, you know?
           I don't love him. I ain't like that.
      VIC: Yeah, hey, whatever you say.
    LANCE: Anyway, we got real things to worry about. Someone's been 
           helping themselves to the stash. The Mendezes are freaking 
           out, and I told 'em we'd take care of it. 
      VIC: Aw, that's the last thing I need, on top of everything else.
    LANCE: What are you talking about? What's wrong?
      VIC: Oh, man, it's just... Louise. I really thought we had 
           something, but... we just don't get to see each other.
    LANCE: Yeah... Well, you know, relationships can be tough. Believe 
           me, I know. Uh-huh. Yep. Come on, man, we got some thieves to
           deal with. You can take out your sexual frustrations on them!
           Come on. Let's pop!
      VIC: Yeah.
    LANCE: You know, I love you, bro. A'ight...
    [They head out]
    [Cut to them walking towards the helipad behind the apartment. A 
    helicopter is on it]
      VIC: So who's been stealing the yayo?
    LANCE: What? Oh... Yeah, uh... it's... the bikers.
      VIC: You sure?
    LANCE: Yeah. 'Course I am.
      VIC: You don't look it.
    LANCE: Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to prove it to you. You do 
           the flying, I'll do the frying! [laughs]
    [Lance is sitting in the helicopter]
    LANCE: Come on, let's take it to 'em!
    [Vic gets in the helicopter. They fly towards the bikers]
    LANCE: I can see a bunch of those ugly mothers down there. Take us in
           closer. I'm gonna pop a few heads.
    [They fly over the bikers. Lance fires at them]
    LANCE: That's it! Run, you sissy boys!
    LANCE: Eat it!
    [Lance kills the bikers]
    LANCE: I'm so good I'm bad!
    [They fly to the hotel in Downtown where they find more bikers]
    LANCE: Chew on lead, biker boy!
    LANCE: There's more on the roof!
    [Lance kills all the bikers]
    [A biker fires at the helicopter, damaging it severely]
    VIC: We're hit!
    [Lance falls out]
    LANCE: Ooooh, shiiiit!
      VIC: Lance!
    [Vic bails out. The helicopter explodes and plummets to the ground. 
    Vic hits the ground. The helicopter lands behind him and explodes 
    [Vic enters the building under construction. He kills all the bikers 
    and searches for Lance]
      VIC: Lance, are you there?
    LANCE: [off camera] Hey, Vic! Look what I found! 
    [Lance rides out of a room on an Angel motorbike]
      VIC: You're alive! I thought you were dead.
    LANCE: No, man. I landed on a few soft bikers. Now I've got me a new
           bike! Yeah!
      VIC: Never mind that. Where's the stolen coke? 
    LANCE: Uh, yeah... Uh, they probably sold it already, the bastards.
    [Lance speeds towards a wooden ramp]
    LANCE: I'll see you later, bro.
    [Lance speeds up the ramp and away. Vic runs up to the ramp]
    VIC: I don't even know why I bother sometimes.
    46) White Lies (Lance)
    [Lance is dancing to music in his apartment]
    LANCE: Hee! Alright, baby! This is the Lance Vance Dance! You got 
           to... pop it... and, uh, lock it... Yeah! Woo! 
    [Vic enters and turns off the music]
      VIC: So this is where the coke is going? Up your nose?
    LANCE: Hey, Vic...
      VIC: "Hey, Vic"?
    LANCE: What're you doing here?
      VIC: You had me running around town like a psycho, and all the 
           while you're siphoning it off for your personal use. You are
    LANCE: Hey... I'm sorry. Uh... Look, can we talk about this later?
    [Louise enters]
              LOUISE: Oh... Hey, Vic... Shit...
                 VIC: Louise! What the hell is going on?
               LANCE: Well, uh, um... Uh, bro... 'Ey, 'ey, bro, it ain't 
                      nothing like that!
              LOUISE: [to Vic] I wouldn't do that to you... I just needed 
                      something to take my mind off things.
                 VIC: So you fucked my brother?
    LOUISE and LANCE: No!
              LOUISE: We just get high together! Goddamn, you are so 
                      judgemental, like you're a damn saint or something.
                      Why are you being such an asshole?
                 VIC: [to Louise] You are a mess.
              LOUISE: And you're wonderful. A wonderful drug dealing, 
                      thieving murderer. 
               LANCE: Oh, come on, guys.
                 VIC: I was doing it for US.
              LOUISE: Who're you trying to kid? You don't give a shit
                      about me. 
                 VIC: Not now I don't.
              LOUISE: You know what? You make me wanna puke, you 
                      self-righteous dick!
                 VIC: Ah, get lost! 
              LOUISE: Stay away from me, you sick bastard! You're a 
                      phoney, Vic Vance.
    [Louise leaves]
    LANCE: What are you gonna do?
      VIC: Thanks a lot, Lance!
    LANCE: What?! Listen, who cares? It's my coke. It's all my coke, and
           I'll do with it whatever I damn well please!
    [Cut to Vic running after Lance outside]
    VIC: Lance, come back here!
    [Lance stops running]
    LANCE: Shut up! You're always telling me what to do! But if it wasn't
           for me, we wouldn't have any of this! If I wanna take coke, I
           will! If I wanna give it away, I will! And I'm gonna give it
           away! All of it! And you can't stop me!
      VIC: Lance! Don't be stupid!
    [Lance is now in a helicopter. Vic gets in a hovercraft and chases 
    Lance's helicopter. Lance drops packages and Vic collects them]
    47) Where it Hurts Most (Lance)
    [Vic and Lance are in Lance's apartment. Lance is lying on the sofa]
    LANCE: Oh, man, what month is it? Did I do anything stupid in the
           last few days? 
      VIC: Stupid? Oh, no, no, no, you passed stupid and kept on going,
           straight on into fucked up!
    [The phone rings. Vic answers it]
    LOUISE: [on phone] Lance? It's Louise. Where's Vic? I need him.
       VIC: It's me, Louise. What is it?
    LOUISE: Vic? Oh, thank God. It's that Martinez. He must think we're
            still an item. 
       VIC: Yeah? Well, we're not.
    LOUISE: For crying out loud, Vic, I didn't sleep with Lance; we're 
            just friends, which is more than you've been lately. You 
            never call, we never see each other...
       VIC: Is this going somewhere?
    LOUISE: I just wanted you to know that Martinez's thugs have been
            following me. And because I want to get back together, I'm
            trying to avoid being killed. And now I'm hiding out round
            the back of some stupid burger bar, not that you'd give a 
       VIC: What? Martinez sent guys after YOU?
    LOUISE: I don't even know why I called. I'm gonna kick their asses
       VIC: Wait, wait, wait, Louise... Louise! Lance, you wanna help me
            out? [sighs] Forget it.
    [Vic goes to the King Knut's burger bar in Little Haiti]
    VIC: Louise? Hey, Louise? Are you there?
    [Three cars drive past. Louise is in one of them]
    LOUISE: Vic! Heeelp!
    [Three thugs appear behind Vic]
    THUG #1: Is that your bitch? She's Martinez's now.
    THUG #2: And you're gonna be ours.
    [Vic goes up to Downtown where he finds Louise in a car, injured]
    VIC: Louise!
    [Vic gets in the car and starts driving to the hospital]
       VIC: Hey, everything's gonna be OK.
    LOUISE: Vic... I knew you'd come. I think I need a doctor. 
    [Vic takes Louise to the hospital]
    VIC: I need some help over here! Come on, get a doctor!
    [A man runs over to the car]
    48) Steal the Deal (Diaz)
    [Ricardo Diaz is putting money notes into a money counting machine in 
    his mansion. He is also smoking a cigar. Vic enters and Diaz laughs]
    DIAZ: So, you're Vic.
     VIC: Yeah. And you, you're Diaz?
    DIAZ: No, I'm Santa Claus. I heard a lot about you. Mr. Big. Buddies
          with the Mendezes. 
     VIC: I don't think we're exactly friends.
    DIAZ: Whatever you say. I heard you wasn't exactly a load of laughs,
          amigo, but crack a fucking smile. Life is amazing. Look at me.
          I got porn, I got drugs, I got money. I'm happy. 
     VIC: That's cool. Well, I want out. I don't wanna sell drugs, but I
          ain't got a choice right now.
    [Lance enters]
     DIAZ: [to Lance] Jeez, Quentin, you didn't say your brother was such
           a bore.
    LANCE: Vic!
      VIC: Quentin?
    LANCE: Hey, good to see you, man. You know, Reni sent me. Me and 
           Ricardo have been hanging out.
     DIAZ: How was she?
    LANCE: Yeah, good.
     DIAZ: Oh, she knows a lot of tricks for such a young girl, eh?
    LANCE: Mm-mm-mm.
      VIC: Lance, you're pathetic.
    LANCE: What--?
     DIAZ: Yeah, Quentin. Only took you three minutes. 
    [Diaz and Lance laugh]
     DIAZ: Have a cigar. Have a rail!
    LANCE: Thanks, don't mind if I do.
    [Lance goes for a smoke]
     DIAZ: So, you boys gonna help me out?
    LANCE: Sure, baby, we gonna make you a star!
      VIC: Shut up, you fool.
    [Diaz puts another note into the counting machine]
    VIC: [to Diaz] All right, what do you need?
    [In the background, we hear Lance smoking and sighing]
    DIAZ: Gonzalez thinks he can move product without paying me. He must
          be on something. [chuckles] He's hidden some shit offshore. 
          Maybe you Vance boys can go get it.
     VIC: All right, fine. 
          [to Lance] Come on, moron.
    [Vic and Lance head out]
      VIC: Vice is a big city. That shit could be anywhere.
    LANCE: This Gonzalez - would you recognise any of his men?
      VIC: Maybe.
    LANCE: Good! 'Cause if I was in the big city with just a few hours to
           kill, I'd wanna get high with a brother, or get down with a 
           sister. And I know where the out-of-towners do both. Come on.
           Let's pop like Cola.
    [They head to the strip club in Ocean Beach. On the way...]
      VIC: Do you think we can trust Diaz?
    LANCE: My man Diaz is a businessman. 
      VIC: Great. That's a 'no' then.
    [They reach the club]
    LANCE: Keep your eyes peeled. If you see one of Gonzalez's men, 
      VIC: This is nuts. There's no way we're...
    [One of Gonzalez's men leaves the club]
      VIC: I don't believe it. That's one of his guys right there.
    LANCE: Man, I'm good. [chuckles] I scare myself sometimes. I'm 
           betting he takes us right to the merchandise.
    [The goon gets in a car]
    LANCE: Come on! Let's tail him.
    [They tail the goon]
      VIC: How did you know he'd be there?
    LANCE: All the out-of-towners go there to get high and get laid. I 
    [They goon stops just outside the fairground in Vice Point]
    [The goon exits his car and walks towards a nearby jetty]
    [The goon is now on a jet ski. Vic gets on another jet ski]
    LANCE: Don't lose him, Vic!
    [Vic follows the goon to the water-houses south of Ocean Beach] 
    [The goon has left the jet ski and is walking along a pier. The 
    camera slowly zooms in on a speedboat, which is where the product is 
    stashed. Another speedboat drives past the camera, with a sentry on 
    [Vic moves in closer and gets spotted by the sentries]
    SENTRY: Hey! He should not be here!
    [Vic gets in the boat]
    SENTRY: [if still alive] He's gonna get the yayo!
    [Vic heads back to Diaz's mansion]
    49) The Exchange (Diaz)
    [Diaz and two of his men are in Diaz's mansion]
    DIAZ: Let me try.
    [Diaz snorts some cocaine]
    DIAZ: Tastes fine. I can't tell.
    [Vic enters]
    DIAZ: Ah, Vic! Thank you, lord! At last, someone who isn't the 
          missing link.
     VIC: Hey, Diaz.
    DIAZ: Let me try.
    [Diaz snorts some cocaine. He coughs]
    DIAZ: [to goon] If I wanted to snort milk, I'd go suck a
          damn cow! Dickhead. Don't cut it so much!
     VIC: What are you doing?
    DIAZ: I'm playing both sides. I make a little deal with the DEA. I 
          hand over 200 kilos of that cocaine you and Quentin stole from
          Gonzalez... In exchange, they gonna give me some serious guns.
    [Diaz takes a pistol and swings it around the room, making Vic and 
    the goons duck]
    DIAZ: Not like this toy...
    [Diaz fires the gun]
    GOON: Holy...
     VIC: OK...
    DIAZ: [laughs] But first, we cutting the cocaine, so they get 200
          kilos, and I keep the rest, comprende? But we gotta get the mix
          right. Let me try.
    [Diaz snorts some cocaine]
    DIAZ: Perfect... All right, bag it up and load it into the truck for 
          Vic, but leave a little out for me. I gotta unwind...  
    [Outside, Vic gets in a van with one of Diaz's goons]
    GOON: The boss had me come along in case you decided to drive off
          with his merchandise. Come on, let's get to the deal.
    [They drive to the meeting point in Downtown]
    [Vic and the goon exit the van at the meeting point. Four more goons 
    exit a car and walk up to them]
    GOON #1: Just in time, senor. The DEA will be here any minute with 
             our guns.
    [The goon gets shot dead by a sniper]
    GOON #2: Get down!
    [Vic and the goons take cover]
    [Vic starts picking off the snipers]
    GOON: Look out!
    GOON: Snipers! They're all over!
    GOON: The deal's gonna be ruined!
    GOON: It's Gonzalez's men!
    [Vic kills all the snipers]
    [The DEA enter the car park in a Landstalker jeep and a flatbed 
    truck. All four DEA agents exit the jeep. One of them walks up to a 
    [Vic gets in the truck with a goon]
    GOON: Come on, senor. We've got the guns, but we're not home free 
    [When they reach the streets, Gonzalez's men start chasing and 
    shooting at them]
    GOON: Just like I said, senor, here they come!
    [The goon shoots at Gonzalez's men]
    GOON: Die!
    GOON: Hijo de puta!
    [Vic manages to get the truck back to Diaz's mansion. He drives the 
    truck inside the garage and walks out]
    50) Farewell To Arms (Gonzalez)
    [Diaz is talking to Gonzalez behind his mansion. Two of Diaz's men 
    are with him. Vic is coming over]
        DIAZ: Take the guns back to your Colonel. But remember, you 
              belong to me now. Any shipments you bring to Vice City come
              through me.
    GONZALEZ: Si, si. No problem.
    [Vic comes over]
        DIAZ: Vic! I was just talking to my new friend Gonzalez about
              loyalty. How I will look after him so long as he does what
              he's told. And you will do as you're told, won't you?
    GONZALEZ: Si, si.
        DIAZ: Bueno. Escort him to the airport, Vic. Show him what it
              means to be a friend of Ricardo Diaz... and what it is to
              be an enemy. 
    [Cut to Gonzalez getting in a truck and driving off. A helicopter 
    takes off from the mansion's rooftop helipad]
    [Vic is riding shotgun in the helicopter. He uses an M249 to protect 
    Gonzalez's truck from the attacking Sharks]
    [Gonzalez drives into the airport. Gonzalez's men block off the 
    entrance with trucks. A Gang Rancher drives towards the entrance, but 
    it gets destroyed by Gonzalez's men]
    [Cut to Gonzalez driving inside a hangar]
    [Vic protects the airport entrances from the Sharks. The Sharks 
    eventually enter the airport and chase Gonzalez's plane. Vic protects 
    the plane while it speeds down the runway]
    [Gonzalez's plane takes off]
    [Cut to Vic walking away from the helicopter. It takes off from the 
    airport helipad just before the cutscene ends]
    51) Burning Bridges (Mendez brothers)
    [Armando and Diego are in the Mendez mansion]
    ARMANDO: The rear guard advances, unstoppable.
    [Vic and Lance enter]
    ARMANDO: So, you are finished. 
        VIC: Yeah. 
    ARMANDO: Diego, they are finished.
      DIEGO: Buenos.
    ARMANDO: And none of us dead. The civilised life of gentlemen. We 
             have our money, so you are free. You must leave town, of 
             course, and give us control of your other interests. 
        VIC: What?
    ARMANDO: But you, your families, no one will die. This is fair.
      LANCE: Fair? Oh, yeah, if you think getting screwed in the ass and
             then paying for it is fair, then it sounds like a great 
    ARMANDO: I find your attitude and your language terribly distasteful.
      DIEGO: Maricon...
        VIC: Hey, hold on, hold on, listen, Mr. Mendez. Listen, I... WE 
             have done a lot of things for you. We kept up our end of the
             bargain, and now you want us to give up our interests?
    ARMANDO: You came to my town, you run around like a maniac, you bring
             the police and the DEA into my life, and now I want you 
             gone. You're very lucky you're not dead.
      LANCE: Argh... 
        VIC: Hey, listen, I made a ton of money for you. Money I didn't
    ARMANDO: And now... you're done.
      LANCE: Aw...
    ARMANDO: You're obsolete.
    [A Mendez goon runs up behind Vic]
    LANCE: Look out, Vic, the mute!
    [The goon hits Vic on the back of the head with a pistol, knocking 
    him unconscious. Another goon hits Lance in the face with a baseball 
    bat, knocking him unconscious, too]
    [Cut to Vic and Lance lying in the fuel depot near the airport. They 
    get up]
      VIC: Urgh, where are we?
    LANCE: No place good... I think we outlived our usefulness to the 
    [Four armed Mendez goons are walking towards them]
    GOON #1: You! Shut up!
    GOON #2: Hey! They're waking up! Let's get this done quick.
      LANCE: Screw this!
    GOON #2: Die!
    [The goons fire at Vic and Lance. Vic and Lance dive out of the way. 
    The bullets burst a fuel pipe. Flames shoot out of it, burning the 
    goons to death. Lance is trapped behind the flames]
    LANCE: Vic! I'm trapped! Get me out of here!
    [Vic re-enters the depot and turns off the oil to rescue Lance]
    LANCE: Come on, man, let's go!
    [They get on a motorbike]
    LANCE: Come on! We're not gonna make it out of here!
    [They speed towards the exit]
    [Vic and Lance are speeding out of the exploding depot]
    LANCE: Woo-wee! Now that's what I'm talking about!
    [Cut to Vic and Lance standing outside the depot]
      VIC: Great. Now we're at war with the Mendez brothers.
    LANCE: It's all cool, bro. I'm a man with a plan. [laughs] Just give
           me a little time.
    52) Blitzkrieg Strikes Again (Lance)
    This mission has an alternative opening, but we'll go over that at 
    the end. Let's go over the main mission first.
    [Phil Cassidy is playing with a pistol and an Uzi in Lance's 
    apartment. Vic enters]
    PHIL: Comrade! Come here!
     VIC: What're you doing here?
    PHIL: I heard there was gonna be a party, so I brought fireworks!
     VIC: Where's Lance?
    PHIL: I love that guy! Yeah!
    [Vic opens the door. Umberto enters]
    UMBERTO: There he is! [laughs] Mr. Victor Vance, the punk who needs 
             our help.
        VIC: What?
    [Lance and a Cuban enter]
    UMBERTO: [to Vic] You grown any cojones yet, lady boy?
      LANCE: Yo, bro.
    UMBERTO: [laughs] Come here, Vic.
    [Umberto gives Vic a hug]
        VIC: Ah, wassup, man?
    UMBERTO: Your brother, man. [laughs] At least one of you who has 
             something up here and a lot down here, huh? [laughs]
      LANCE: So if you guys are ready, let's do this.
        VIC: Hey, Lance, come here, man.
      LANCE: Yo, bro, wassup?
        VIC: What the hell is going on?
      LANCE: We're about to get hit by those Mendez guys; thought we 
             could use some of your buddies to crash the party.
        VIC: What?
      LANCE: Help out... What, did I do wrong again?
        VIC: No, no, no, no, man. For once, you did very right. Let's go
             deal with these pricks.
      LANCE: Yeah! Let's pop! [laughs]
    [They all head out]
    [Cut to them outside. Vic and Lance are standing next to Lance's 
    Infernus. The other guys get in a Gang Rancher]
    VIC: We should spread out and cover as much ground as we can. Let me
         know if you need any help.
    [The other guys drive off]
    LANCE: Wait up. I'm gonna need some serious artillery for this gig. 
    [Lance takes an M4 out of his car's boot]
    LANCE: Hello, Mr. M4! 'M' for Motherfucker! That's right! Let's go!
    [Lance gets in the car with Vic]
    [Vic and Lance go to defend the first business from the Mendez goons]
    LANCE: My name is Lance Vance! It's time to dance!
    LANCE: I'm lean and I'm mean, and I'm here to clean!
    LANCE: Come on, Vic. We've got 'em on the run.
    [They kill all the Mendez goons]
    LANCE: Man, we are the badasses on the block! Let's get to the next
           ass-kicking. Did you see me taking 'em down? I'm the black 
           killa from Manila! The Manila Blilla!
      VIC: You're a blidiot. Now shut up.    
    [They head to the next business and start defending it]
    LANCE: I'm the Lance Vance-erator!
    LANCE: Ain't nothing can hurt me!
    LANCE: I'll put you all in a Lance Vance trance!
    LANCE: They're running for it. It's time to turn up the pain!  
    [They kill all the Mendez goons]
    LANCE: We rolled over them like a big, bad bowling ball. Let's find 
           another lane of pain. Come on. Aw, man, this is easy. 
      VIC: We've been lucky so far. Stop being such a dick, 
    LANCE: I killed more than you. I should be in charge of this outfit.
      VIC: Bite me. 
    [They head to the next business and start defending it]
    LANCE: Let's get after them.
    LANCE: Look at them run! [laughs]
    LANCE: We're kicking their asses!
    LANCE: I can't believe it. We're winning!
    [They kill all the Mendez goons]
    LANCE: I just received a message from Umberto and Phil. They've been
           kicking asses, just like us. 
      VIC: You mean we did it? We won?
    LANCE: Yeah! The Mendez brothers can kiss my ass. They thought they
           could take us down.
      VIC: This ain't over yet.
    LANCE: They're finished. We should take the fight to them, and I know
           just the man to make it happen.
    [Lance heads off]
    ALTERNATIVE OPENING: You need to take over at least seven businesses 
    before you can do this mission, or you'll get an alternative opening:
    [Lance is lying on the sofa in his apartment. Vic enters]
      VIC: What're you doing slouching around in here? We're at war,
    LANCE: Yeah, and you're the soldier. So go, soldier.
      VIC: And what're you gonna do?
    LANCE: I'm a behind-the-scenes man. Infiltration, intelligence, 
           logistics; you know what I'm saying?
      VIC: I'll tell you what - why don't you just stay here while I do
    LANCE: Can I get that in writing?
    [Vic heads out] 
    53) Lost and Found (Lance)
    [Lance is in his apartment. Vic enters]
    LANCE: Hey, Vic... is Louise still in the hospital?
      VIC: Yeah, but she'll be getting out soon.
    LANCE: That's good. Look, we got a big deal coming down today. I'm
           gonna need you there.
      VIC: Wait a minute. Why are you asking about Louise?
    LANCE: Take it easy. It's just that... You know, Martinez called and
           he said that he's gonna "pay her a visit", and I don't think 
           he means to take some fruit.
      VIC: What?
    LANCE: Look, the hospital's got security. She'll be fine. Let's you 
           and me just go make some money.
      VIC: You're kidding, right?
    LANCE: Oh, man, get your priorities in order.
    [Vic goes to the hospital in Downtown]
    [Louise is walking out of the hospital]
       VIC: Louise... Heh, you look good.
    LOUISE: Thanks. I feel good.
       VIC: You know, for a while, I thought I'd lost you.
    LOUISE: I thought I'd lost you.
       VIC: Look, I was angry. I shouldn't have said what I did.
    LOUISE: Me neither.
       VIC: You wanna do something fun? No business, just me and you?
    [Vic gets a pager message]
       VIC: Aw, nuts, it's Lance. What the hell?! "Trapped in a burning
            building - bring a helicopter"? What can I do?
    LOUISE: Business can be fun. There's a helicopter on the roof of the 
            hospital. We could take that.
    [They go up to the roof of the hospital]
    [They get in the air ambulance on the roof]
    [They fly out to the burning building]
    LOUISE: There's the building. I can't see Lance, though. Get in 
    [They get in closer. Lance is on the roof of the building]
    LOUISE: There he is!
    [Vic lands the helicopter on the roof]
    VIC: [to Lance] Get in, you idiot!
    [Lance runs up to the helicopter]
    LOUISE: What happened? 
     LANCE: Did you run into any trouble? No? Well, I did. Martinez set 
            us up - divide and conquer. He got you out of the way and
            nearly nailed me. Martinez's men took everything... but we're 
            gonna get it back. They headed out to sea. Come on, let's get 
            after them.
    [Lance is now in the helicopter. They fly out to the fleeing boats] 
    LANCE: There they are!
    [Lance fires at them]
    LANCE: Yeah, not so clever now, huh?
    LANCE: Eat lead, sucker!
    LANCE: I got you, you mother!
    [Lance kills the goons on the boats]
    LANCE: Get me over that boat. It's got our money in it.
    [Vic positions the helicopter just above the Tropic boat]
    [Lance jumps into the boat]
    LANCE: I'll see you cats later. Keep popping!
    [Lance heads off]
       VIC: I'm sorry. Things just keep cropping up. Maybe we can still
            have some fun.
    LOUISE: That's OK, Vic. I had fun. But I should be getting back to 
            Mary-Beth now.
       VIC: Oh, yeah. Sure.
    [Vic starts taking Louise home]
    LOUISE: It's a great view from up here! I think I see Mary-Jo's 
            place! There are some beautiful houses down there... Some
            real shit-holes, too. This is so cool, honey.
    [They land outside Mary-Jo's apartment]
    [They have exited the helicopter]
       VIC: Louise, I'll call you real soon. 
    LOUISE: Oh, OK. 
       VIC: I'm kind of in the middle of a war right now.
    LOUISE: It's OK. I'll wait.
    54) So Long Schlong (Reni)
    [Reni is in the office in Interglobal Studios]
    RENI: Farewell, faithful friend. The phoenix must burn first before
          she rises... Such is life...
    [Vic enters]
     VIC: Reni, hey, what's wrong?
    RENI: Darling, he wants me dead!
     VIC: Who?
    RENI: Diego Mendez, that's who. 
     VIC: Why?
    RENI: Because I put you in contact with Ricardo Diaz; said it was 
          disloyal of me. Not as disloyal as him two-timing me with that
     VIC: Whoa, wait, you guys were an item?
    RENI: Yes, but I could not deal with him. He talked too much. Beat 
          me, Reni. Spank me, Reni. Blow coke up my ass, Reni. It was too
          goddamn much.
    [Vic laughs]
     VIC: Diego Mendez? [laughs] Jeez...
    RENI: So now I must go to Dr. Horowitz. He's a genius. Tomorrow, new
     VIC: [sighs] You're not having another sex change?
    RENI: I only have three. Oh, please, darling, save me!
    [Reni hugs Vic]
    [Cut to Vic and Reni walking outside]
    RENI: Diego's men will be here any second. I just know it.
     VIC: I'll hold them up. You'll have to find your own way to the
    RENI: Find my own way? But darling, I always have.
    [Reni gets in a car and drives off]
    [Vic holds off Diego's goons. He eventually gets a pager message from 
    RENI: [pager] They've found me! Help me darling! I'm near the 
    [Vic goes to save Reni]
    [Reni is crouching behind a car. Mendez goons are shooting at 
    GOON: You're gonna die, you freak of nature!
    RENI: Freak? I'm an artist. I'm sensitive... And I'm going to kill 
          all of you fucking filthy fuckers!
    [Three more goons run across a basketball court]
    RENI: Vic, save me!
    [Vic kills the goons]
    RENI: This gun makes me feel so masculine. Make love to me, Vic.
     VIC: Let's just get to the hospital.
    [Vic and Reni get in a car]
    RENI: Then you will make love to me, no?
     VIC: No.
    [Vic starts driving Reni to the hospital. On the way, Mendez goons 
    chase and shoot at them]
    RENI: All this macho bullshit. I'll be glad when I'm a woman.
     VIC: Keep your head down!
    RENI: In your lap, darling?
     VIC: On second thoughts, keep shooting.
    [They reach the hospital]
    [They are walking towards the hospital]
    RENI: Ooh... All that shooting. I'm so turned on, Dr. Horowitz is 
          going to need a chainsaw to cut through this wood.
     VIC: Man, I do not want to know.
    55) Domo Arigato Domestoboto (Diaz)
    [Diaz and Lance are in Diaz's mansion. Diaz is smoking a joint]
     DIAZ: So, we got a deal, Q?
    LANCE: We got a deal, baby!
    [Lance shakes hands with Diaz, who laughs]
    LANCE: We'll repay you everything we borrowed at 25% interest a week,
           or we work for you.
     DIAZ: Yeah. Salut.
    LANCE: Cheers!
    [They make a toast]
    LANCE: That's good stuff.
     DIAZ: Or I kill you and your brother with a blunt instrument.
    [They both laugh. Vic enters]
     DIAZ: Vic! We were just talking about you.
    LANCE: Yeah!
     DIAZ: Yeah.
      VIC: Yeah?
     DIAZ: About you boys repaying that money I lent you.
      VIC: What fucking money? Hey, what's he talking about?
    LANCE: Look, I borrowed some money for us from Ricardo and we're 
           gonna pay him back, OK?
      VIC: What the fuck have you done now?
    LANCE: I invested back in the business. I'm sorry, Ricardo baby, but
           sometimes brothers get alpha male on you, you know.
     DIAZ: I know. That's why I killed mine. Boys, relax. Just go do that
           thing for me and all will be good.
    LANCE: Yeah...
     DIAZ: For now.
      VIC: Wait, what is he talking about?
    LANCE: Look, Ricardo wants us to destroy all of Armando Mendez's 
           bearer bonds. I know it sounds risky, but trust me.
           I got it... I got it going, 'cause I done this a million 
    [Lance lies down on a sofa]
    LANCE: Let's just pop, baby... You know... Let's just... pop...
    [Lance falls asleep]
    VIC: [sighs] Guess I'm doing this one on my own.
    [Diaz laughs. Vic heads out]
    [Cut to Vic meeting a Vance Crime Family goon outside]
    GOON: Hey, boss. Have you seen Lance?
     VIC: Unfortunately, yes. What is it?
    GOON: Some high-tech gear he ordered. It's up near the Mendez 
          mansion, ready to go.
     VIC: What high-tech gear? What's it for?
    GOON: Er, Lance said something about getting around Mendez's 
          security; destroying their bonds or something.
     VIC: Leave it with me.
    [Vic gets in the van parked near the Mendez mansion]
    [Armando is sitting in the living room in the Mendez mansion]
    ARMANDO: Domestobot! Where are you? How did Diego talk me into buying
             that electric trash can?
    [Cut to the Domestobot upstairs]
    DOMESTOBOT: Domestobot loves cleaning. [Phzzzt!] Remote control 
                override! I live to serve.
    [Vic uses the Domestobot to crack Armando's safe and burn the bearer 
    [Armando is shooting the Domestobot]
       ARMANDO: Domestobot! You lousy piece of crap! You've ruined me!
    DOMESTOBOT: Do you require a light?
    56) In The Air Tonight (Reni)
    [Reni, Barry and Phil Collins are in the hospital. Reni has had her 
    sex change. Vic enters]
    RENI: Vic! Darling! How do I look?
     VIC: Uh, different.
    RENI: Fantastische! I was just telling Barry he should get some
    [Vic laughs]
    BARRY: Ha, ha, flipping ha.
      VIC: Great. Hey, Phil, you ready for the concert? How's everything
    *PHIL: Good... I think. Unless Barry's got some more surprises in 
    [Reni laughs]
    BARRY: [to Phil] Hold on, mucker, you are gonna have to stop giving 
           me a hard time.
    *PHIL: No worries. You stop having me killed, and I'll stop 
           complaining about it.
    BARRY: Vic dealt with that... that teething trouble. This is rock and
           roll, son, not flipping flower arranging.
    *PHIL: Oh, do shut up. Listen, we've got work to do. Vic, we'll see 
           you at the gig. Reni, it's, uh... been an experience. I'll 
           make sure Barry calls you.
    BARRY: Phil! Philip!
    [Phil and Barry head out]
    RENI: Darlings, I love you both! Vic, can you drive me to the airport
          on your way to the gig?
     VIC: Heh! Sure, sure. 
    [Reni laughs excitedly]
    VIC: Come on. [laughs]
    RENI: I had a few extra stitches put in down below, darling. I'm a
          virgin; shiny and new. You could be my first.
     VIC: Dude, please, shut up.
    [Vic starts taking Reni to the airport. On the way, Mendez goons 
    chase and shoot at them]
    RENI: Not again!
    RENI: I don't want to die a virgin!   
    [They reach the airport]
    [Vic and Reni are walking towards the terminal]
     VIC: So you're really leaving?
    RENI: I have no choice, darling. Diego will never stop looking for 
          me. Once you've been with Reni, nothing compares. Besides, I'm
          through with advertising - it's so morally bankrupt. I'm going
          to Europe to conquer the exotic adult movie business. 
     VIC: Europeans like women with big hands and stubble?
    RENI: Of course! We are more sophisticated than you Americans, 
          darling. I know you want me, but Reni, she must go. 
    [Reni enters the terminal]
    RENI: Goodbye, darling! I'll send you my tapes! Think of me often!
    [Vic goes to the Phil Collins concert at the stadium]
    [Vic walks up to the stadium entrance]
    [Cut to Phil's band, Genesis, on stage. Vic and Barry are backstage]
    BARRY: Where've you been? Phil's already on. I'm shitting bricks 
           here, mate. Giorgio's definitely going to try something.
      VIC: Keep your pants on. I'll make my way down front and keep an
           eye on things. 
    [Vic heads down front. A Forelli goon is up on the light rig above 
    the stage. We see the goon cutting a cable on the light rig]
    [The concert starts. Vic stops the goons from sabotaging the light 
    [Phil comes onto the stage, singing 'In The Air Tonight']
    [Vic continues stopping the goons from sabotaging the light rig]
    [We see the rest of the concert]
    [Cut to Vic and Barry backstage]
    BARRY: Mate, that's it. I'm paying Giorgio back. It's gonna cost me a
           bloody fortune. You know he wants 60% interest. What can I 
           do? I've got to think of me boy's wellbeing. 
    [Phil comes over]
    *PHIL: Hi, Vic. What did you think of the show?
      VIC: Killer.
    *PHIL: Cheers. Hey, Barry, I'm glad you're thinking of my wellbeing. 
           I could do with a break. 
    BARRY: No, mate, we should be moving on; strike while the iron's hot.
           The U.S. loves you! 
    *PHIL: But I'm booked in at the hotel for another week. I was going 
           to work on the tan.
    BARRY: You're kidding! You gotta go to work, mate! I've just lined up
           a rake of shows. Loads of dosh...
    *PHIL: And what about my wellbeing?
    [Phil and Barry start walking off]
    BARRY: Trust me, you'll thank me. Don't get all histrionic...
    *PHIL: Histrionic? I've spent the last few days being chased around
           the city by a maniac. I've been shot at and nearly blown up.
    BARRY: See what I mean? Bloody celebrities...
    *PHIL: Hey, Vic, have you ever thought about a career in management?
    BARRY: Hold up, boy, I'm your management!
    *PHIL: Yeah - Miss Management. Or was that just Reni's name for you?
           You should have got those false tits, mate, just like Reni
           suggested. They'd look great alongside that real one you're 
           using for your head!
    57) Light My Pyre (Lance)
    [Lance is in his apartment. Vic enters]
      VIC: Louise!
    LANCE: Hey, Vic.
      VIC: Hey. Hey, where's Louise?
    LANCE: I don't know. Shit, if that bitch ripped us off, I'll rip her
           head off.
      VIC: Hey, she's clean, unlike you.
    LANCE: No, she is a drug addict. I'm just having fun. There is a 
    [Mary-Jo enters]
    MARY-JO: Vic! Vic! They got Louise! 
        VIC: What?
    MARY-JO: They had me, too. It was awful!
        VIC: Who?
    MARY-JO: All these men; all sweaty and hot, and, well, nobody laid a
             finger on me, but they got Louise!
        VIC: Who's got Louise?
    MARY-JO: They got her, and they said they'll kill her if you don't do
             what they want.
        VIC: Who?!
    MARY-JO: Armando Mendez!
    [Vic and Lance groan]
    MARY-JO: He wanted me, too - I could see it in his eyes... Those 
             Latino men always like the voluptuous women. I nearly got
        VIC: All right. Come on, Lance. Let's finish this.
      LANCE: Why? She's a train wreck. Let him have her.
        VIC: What? Are you serious?
      LANCE: Yeah, move on. Plenty more fishes in the sea, baby.
        VIC: You, get moving right now or I shoot you first.
      LANCE: Alright, alright, I'm coming, I'm coming. Don't worry about
    [Vic and Lance head out]
    MARY-JO: Wait! I'm telling you, it WAS nearly me! One day, it'll be 
             me. [upset] One day...
    [Cut to Vic and Lance running through the garage]
      VIC: Come on, move it, Lance!
    LANCE: Man, we're wasting our time. The bitch is dead already.
    [Two Mendez goons are standing next to a car on the street]
    GOON: Armando's got two things to say! One - "Get out of Vice now and
          the girl lives." And two...
    [The goon destroys Lance's car with a rocket launcher]
    LANCE: My car!
    [The goons drive off. Lance gets on his motorbike and speeds off]
    [Vic catches up with Lance and protects him from the chasing Mendez 
    LANCE: I'm gonna tear Mendez apart!
    LANCE: No one does that to my wheels!
    LANCE: He's gonna be sorry he ever messed with me!
    [Lance speeds over the bridge to Prawn Island]
    [Cut to Lance parked near the Mendez mansion]
    LANCE: It's time for some Vance vengeance, baby!
    [Lance rides towards the mansion. Mendez goons are all over the 
    mansion and are shooting at Lance. Armando is standing on a balcony]
    ARMANDO: Do not let them in! 
    [Lance speeds into the mansion grounds. A car blocks the entrance]
    ARMANDO: Barricade the doors! Kill them!
    [Lance gets off his bike]
      LANCE: You're mine, mother-sucker!
    ARMANDO: Kill this idiot!
    [Lance runs after Armando]
    [Vic enters the mansion grounds. The goons shoot at him]
    GOON: Kill him!
    GOON: Die!
    GOON: I got him!
    GOON: Get him!
    GOON: He's mine!
    [Vic enters the mansion]
    VIC: Louise? Lance?
    [Armando enters the room, armed with a flamethrower]
    ARMANDO: Do you think you're hero enough to bring back the dead?
        VIC: Where are they, Armando?
    ARMANDO: They're upstairs, resting... in peace. Would you like to 
             join them?
        VIC: If you've hurt them...
    [Armando points the flamethrower at him]
    ARMANDO: Senor, I assure you, they didn't feel a thing. 
             Unfortunately, the same will not be said of you.
    [Vic kills Armando]
    [Lance and Louise are lying in a room, wounded. Vic enters]
    VIC: Louise! 
    [Vic runs up to Louise]
    LOUISE: Hey... Vic... You came for me... No one ever really did much
            for me before... That's s-sweet of you...
       VIC: Hey, hey, come on, listen, let's get you to a hospital.
    LOUISE: I don't think... there's much point in that.
       VIC: Come on, Louise...
    LOUISE: We could have had s-something special...
       VIC: Yeah... No, we did have something special.
    LOUISE: Make sure Mary-Jo takes care of my baby...
    [Louise dies]
    VIC: Oh, Louise... [upset] Louise...
    [Vic walks away from her]
    LANCE: Hey, Vic, I know you cared about her, man... but she wasn't
           right for you.
    [Vic exits the room]
    LANCE: Vic... 
    [Lance gets up]
    LANCE: Hey, Vic... Family is what matters. Oh... damn. 
    [Lance starts staggering out of the room]
    LANCE: A'ight... A'ight... OK, I'm gonna make it. I can make it. I
           know I can, man.
    58) Over the Top (Diaz)
    [Diaz is in his mansion. Vic enters]
    DIAZ: Ah, Vic Vance! You ready?
     VIC: What's going on, Diaz? 
    DIAZ: It's time for you to revenge the death of that girl of yours,  
          and bring the whole Mendez operation down! [laughs] You want a
          bump, man?
     VIC: No.
    DIAZ: Well, I do.
    [Diaz snorts some cocaine]
     VIC: Ah, Jesus.
    DIAZ: My spies tell me everything. This is the plan. The army just
          took delivery of some new attack helicopters. Meanwhile, Diego
          Mendez thinks he's untouchable just because no one could get 
          him from the ground. So...
     VIC: So, how about I sneak into the army base, steal a chopper and 
          use that to attack him?
    DIAZ: [laughs] Si, senor.
     VIC: Si, senor? Are you kidding me?!
    [Diaz snorts some cocaine]
     VIC: That coke is doing something to your brain, buddy.
    DIAZ: No, it just helps me think... and get it on. It'll be easy, but
          you'll need help. Er... what about Quentin? He can fly.
     VIC: No thanks. I know - what about this guy Phil? He's an old army
          buddy of mine.
    DIAZ: I love him. Go get him.
     VIC: All right.
    DIAZ: This is it, man. No more Mendez - no more trouble for us! 
    [Vic heads out. Diaz snorts more cocaine]
    [Vic heads to Phil Cassidy's place. Diego Mendez's goons attack him 
    on the way, but he kills them]
    [A drunken Phil is sitting in his place. Vic walks up to him]
     VIC: Phil... I don't know what to say. I'm going after Diego Mendez.
          I wouldn't ask for help if I didn't need it, but I need it.
          There's an attack copter up at the base. If I can get hold of 
    PHIL: [burps] You need a decoy... And I've got all the decoy you're
          gonna need. 
    [Vic gets in Phil's truck with Phil. There are explosives in the 
    back. They start heading to Fort Baxter. On the way...]
    PHIL: I, I, I, uh, I... I can't believe she's gone. Sorry, Vic. She
          was a good soldier... A, a good sister, I mean.
    [They reach Fort Baxter]
    [Vic has left the truck]
     VIC: You're not gonna do anything stupid, are you, man?
    PHIL: We're breaking into a military base, and I'm drunk. What could 
          be more stupid? Don't worry about me, don't worry about me.
    [Phil drives the truck towards the base entrance. He bails out]
    PHIL: Louiiiiiise!
    [The truck hits the gates and explodes]
    PHIL: Yee-haaaw! Suck on that!
    [Vic sneaks over the wall and into the base. He enters the admin 
    building and opens the helicopter pad gate]
    [The helicopter pad gate opens. There is a Hunter on the pad. A 
    soldier runs towards it]
    [Vic leaves the admin building, steals the Hunter and takes it to 
    Diaz's mansion. He lands it on the rooftop helipad]
    [Vic is walking away from the Hunter]
    59) Last Stand (Diaz)
    [Diaz, a goon and the Hunter are on the rooftop helipad of Diaz's 
    mansion. Vic appears]
    DIAZ: Mendez is Downtown. His place is like a fortress; but this 
          baby, she'll tear the whole building down.
     VIC: Great. When I'm done, we're done. Lance and I will owe you
    DIAZ: When you're done, I'm gonna own this town. It's the American
          dream. And it's all because of you, Vic. You're a hero.
    [Vic gets in the Hunter]
     VIC: No, I'm an asshole. I've spent all my time running around,
          making morons rich, while my family fell apart, and the woman I
          wanted died waiting for me to call.
    DIAZ: Woman? You need some porn? I just got in some crazy donkey 
          porn. You'll love it. I'll be finished with it by the time you
          get back.
     VIC: I'm not coming back, Diaz. And I'm not doing this for you; I'm
          doing it for me.
    DIAZ: Woohoo! Whatever you say, tough guy. I'll see you around. 
    [Diaz walks away from the Hunter]
    [Vic flies out to the Mendez building in Downtown. He starts killing 
    the guards inside]
    VIC: Yeah!
    VIC: Eat this!
    VIC: I'm coming for you, Mendez!
    VIC: Come on, Mendez, where are you?
    VIC: What you got to say about that, you mute motherfucker?
    [Vic kills all the guards]
    [Guards fire at the Hunter from inside the building. One of them 
    blasts the Hunter with a rocket launcher]
    VIC: Oh, shit!
    [Vic lands on the roof of the building]
    [Cut to Vic walking away from the burning Hunter. It explodes]
    [Vic enters the building and kills the guards on each floor]
    [A helicopter lands on the roof. Martinez gets out, armed with an AK-
    MARTINEZ: Looks like Vic's partying without me! 
              [to pilot] Sweep the building. Flush that turd up to the 
              roof so I can finish this.
    [The helicopter flies away]
    [Cut to Diego and two guards hiding beside a door. The door opens, 
    and Vic guns down one of the guards]
    DIEGO: Correnle!
    [Diego and the guard run]
    [Vic kills the remaining guards and destroys the helicopter. He then 
    heads up to the roof]
    [Vic walks onto the roof. Martinez appears behind him]
    MARTINEZ: Ten-hut! [laughs] Vic, I swear to God, I thought you were
              gonna salute me! Toss the gun!
         VIC: Fuck you.
    MARTINEZ: Vic... Still so uptight. You know what your problem is?
              You're trying to be the good guy in a bad man's game. 
              Huh... I thought you had potential. Turns out you're just
              another chump... like Mendez.
    [Diego is standing nearby, pointing his AK-47 at Martinez]
       DIEGO: Me cago en tu madre!
    MARTINEZ: [to Diego] Oye ese! Que hay de nuevo?
       DIEGO: Veta a la mierda!
    MARTINEZ: You first.
    [Vic kills Martinez and Diego]
    VIC: Thanks for everything, Martinez. You were a great help!
    [Vic throws a pistol onto the floor, and spits on Martinez's dead 
    body. A helicopter lands on the roof. An armed Lance exits it]
    LANCE: OK, brother, let's waste these punks!
      VIC: Lance, it's done!
    LANCE: Playtime is over, bitches! Lance Vance is about to get brutal
           on you, and when Lance Vance gets brutal on a lady, somebody
           starts to cry!
      VIC: Lance, Lance, will you shut up? It's over!
    LANCE: What? Oh. Well, we did it, baby! You and me!
    [Vic and Lance laugh and hug]
      VIC: Yeah! Hey, hey, hey, listen, listen. Now that things are
           straight with Diaz, we should get out of town, or lay low for
           a little while, you know?
    LANCE: Yeah, you're right, man.
      VIC: Look, I'm gonna send some money to Pete.
    LANCE: Cool. But bro, I don't want you thinking it's just about you;
           that it's all about you.
      VIC: Hey, hey, hey, I don't, I don't. It's about you, me, Pete, 
           Mom, wherever the hell she is...
    LANCE: But wait, I been making moves. I got hold of 20 keys, man!
      VIC: Are you crazy? Get rid of it!
    LANCE: No. All we gotta do is sit on it. It's hidden out of sight,
           out of town, man. We lay low and then sell it.
      VIC: No! No, no. I am not interested, got it? 
    LANCE: OK, man. Whatever you say.
      VIC: That's right.
    LANCE: Come on, let's pop.
    [They get in the helicopter and fly away]
    [The credits roll]
    e) Pager messages
    Between missions, you will receive messages on your pager.
    [After completing "Cleaning House"]
    AUNT ENID: Don't get into any trouble Victor. We're counting on 
               you... Lance says hi.
    [After completing "Cholo Victory"]
    PHIL: My sister's husband, Marty, is looking for good guys like 
    [After completing "Boomshine Blowout"]
    AUNT ENID: Has your brother been in touch? He hasn't done his 
               chores... again.
    [After completing "Truck Stop"]
    LANCE: Hey Bro'. Aunt Enid's driving me crazy. Can I join you? Let's
           double-team that town...
    [After completing "Fear the Repo"]
    LOUISE: Drop by, if you get time...
    [After completing "Marked Men"]
    MARTINEZ: You and Phil are still on my shit list. You'd better leave 
              town while you can...
    [After completing "Takin' Out the White Trash"]
    LOUISE: Can you come over? We've got trouble with Marty...  
    [After completing "To Victor, the Spoils"]
    VCTN: You have a visitor waiting for you at the airport. Have a good
    [After completing "Jive Drive"]
    UMBERTO: So you're running Marty's gang now. We need to talk...
    [After completing "Hose the Hoes"]
    AUNT ENID: I hear you've got a girl. Don't spend all your money on 
               her, you've got family obligations...
    [After completing "Robbing the Cradle"]
    LOUISE: Vic. I just wanted to say thanks... Don't be a stranger...
    [After completing "The Audition"]
    LANCE: I've dropped off the car Bro'. See you at Forbes place...
    [After completing "Money for Nothing"]
    LANCE: I don't trust Forbes, man. Meet me up at the Arena...
    [After completing "Caught as an Act"]
    AUNT ENID: Have you seen your cokehead mother? She just left town...
    [After completing "The Bum Deal"]
    AUNT ENID: Lance tells me he's running things down there. He's a good
    [After completing "From Zero to Hero"]
    LOUISE: Lance tells me you're gonna be rich... Does that mean you 
            don't have time for me no more?
    [After completing "Brawn of the Dead"]
    SPITZ: If you wanna film 'snow-white', see Reni up at the Film 
    [After completing "Brawn of the Dead" and taking over five 
    LANCE: You better get over here pronto...      
    [After completing "Blitzkrieg"]
    MENDEZ: I believe we have mutual interests. Call on us - soon.
    [After completing "Hostile Takeover"]
    LANCE: Get your ass over here, Bro'!
    [After completing "Turn on, Tune in, Bug out"]
    RENI: Darling! I have a lucrative contact for you. Hugs X
    [After completing "Kill Phil"]
    GONZALEZ: Victor. My friend. Come and see me.
    [After completing "Home's on the Range"]
    LANCE: Watch your back Bro'. Word on the street is - Martinez has 
           split from FED protection...
    [After completing "Kill Phil: Part 2"]
    RENI: I've told Ricardo Diaz good things about you pumpkin. He wants 
          to meet... remember darling, you owe me.
    [After completing "Taking the Fall"]
    MENDEZ: Our 'product' is still going missing. Don't fuck with us 
            Vic... resolve this situation.
    [After completing "White Lies"
    MARTINEZ: Hey, Vic. I'm back in town. How's that lady of yours? Think
              I might pay her a visit...
    [After completing "Where it Hurts Most"]
    MARTINEZ: Louise was real sweet to me man. Tell her I'll see her 
              again, real soon...
    [After completing "The Exchange"]
    GONZALEZ: Vic. My old friend. I'd appreciate your help one last time.
              Please... Please...
    [After completing "Farewell To Arms"]
    MENDEZ: It is time we talked. Come and see us...
    [After completing "Burning Bridges" and taking over seven businesses]
    LANCE: The shit's about to hit the fan Bro'. But, I got us covered...
    [After completing "Blitzkrieg Strikes Again"]
    RENI: Darling! I need you Vic. I need you now, more than ever. Come 
          to me, my Nubian Adonis...
    [After completing "Lost and Found"]
    MARTINEZ: You were lucky Vic, but you've got shit for brains. Just
              remember - luck runs out...
    [After completing "Domo Arigato Domestoboto"]
    PHIL: Thanks for looking after Louise, man. I appreciate it. Any time
          I can help - just call... 
    [After completing "In The Air Tonight"]
    LOUISE: It's time we went on a real date, Mr. ...I guess you'll be at
            Lance's, like usual. See you there X
    [After completing "Light My Pyre"]
    DIAZ: One bastard Mendez down - one to go! I know just the way to
          smoke him out...
    [After completing "Over the Top"]
    MARTINEZ: It's time to settle things between you and me. I'll be
              seeing you real soon Vic...
    f) News reports
    Between/during missions, you will hear news reports on the radio, 
    concerning events that happened during previously completed missions.
    Note: The newscaster is female.
    [After completing "Soldier"]
    "Weather forecasters are predicting a stormy time ahead for Vice City 
    as Hurricane Gordy threatens to make landfall in the South Keys. City 
    officials have taken the usual precautionary measure of closing all 
    bridges from the mainland to Ocean Beach and Vice Point; and all 
    flights to and from Escobar International Airport have been halted 
    until further notice. For more news updates, stay tuned to Vice News 
    [After completing "Boomshine Blowout"]
    "This just in. A gang-related arson attack rocks Little Havana. The 
    rundown Latin district grows alarmingly more violent every day, as 
    gangs from different communities vie for control of its streets. 
    Firefighters apologised for their late arrival at the scene, blaming 
    the hectic training program of their new fire helicopter service soon 
    to be unveiled in the city. VNN. News on the hour, every hour, 
    [After completing "Waking Up the Neighbours"]
    "Breaking news. Citizens of Little Havana and Little Haiti were 
    rudely awakened this morning as gang violence tore through their 
    neighbourhoods. Though the districts persistently play host to gang 
    fighting, unsubstantiated reports suggest a lone killer was 
    responsible for these attacks. More later. VNN. Keeping it real 
    simple, just for you."
    [After completing "Nice Package"]
    "Street rage descended on Vice City today as some drivers succumbed 
    to the desire to ram and chase each other at high speed. Witnesses in 
    Downtown reported that some drivers were even seen to be discharging 
    firearms at one another. Our legal team, Rosenberg & Company, urged 
    citizens to quote the Second Amendment should they face charges. VNN. 
    Thinking for you, so you don't have to."
    [After completing "Havana Good Time"]
    "Once again, the streets of Little Havana erupt in gang violence as 
    more explosions rock the neighbourhood. Reliable sources close to 
    local gangs claim this latest outrage marks the end of gang warfare 
    in the district as the Cuban factions are at last united behind one 
    leader, Umberto Robina. More updates to follow. VNN. Filling your 
    empty heads with news candy."
    [After completing "The Audition"]
    "Police hunting two accomplices involved in the King Knut's burger 
    bar hold-up in Downtown today have expressed confidence that in this 
    case they can turn the tide of Vice City's rising crime wave. The 
    hapless thieves fled the crime scene empty-handed, leaving their 
    masked friends behind to face the full force of the law. VNN. Easy to 
    digest reportertainment."
    [After completing "Caught as an Act"]
    "Vice City civilians had a pleasant surprise today when an unknown 
    philanthropist tossed cash from his car onto the streets. The police 
    would like to talk to the kind-hearted driver with regard to 
    littering charges and several hit-and-runs. If you have any 
    information as to his whereabouts, call us on 555-FUNDUS. VNN. 
    Cashing in the chips of truth."
    [After completing "From Zero to Hero"]
    "After being poised on the verge of evacuation, Vice City finally 
    breathes a sigh of relief today as meteorologists report Hurricane 
    Gordy will bypass the state without incident. All bridges to Ocean 
    Beach and Vice Point have now been reopened, and flights to and from 
    Escobar International Airport have recommenced. VNN. Where good news 
    is no news."
    [After completing "Brawn of the Dead"]
    "Vice City's screen profile steps up a notch as Interglobal Film 
    Studios begins shooting a series of action-packed commercials on our 
    streets over the next few weeks. The studio, about to wrap filming on 
    their zombie movie epic, Mall Munchers, has apologised for 
    disturbances to the normal flow of city life caused by their work. 
    VNN. Switch off before you switch on."
    [After completing "Blitzkrieg"]
    "Police Commissioner McGinley was warned by municipal officers today 
    that the recent spate of gang attacks on businesses across the city 
    are likely to be the primary engagements in what may become an all-
    out war against the city's criminal underworld. The commissioner 
    responded that he would assess the situation when he gets back from 
    his annual leave next month. VNN. Where complacency IS the answer."
    [After completing "Taking the Fall"]
    "Gang war intensifies on Vice City streets as many members of the 
    biker gang were viciously slain in Downtown today. Initially, police 
    believed the killings to be drug related. However, forensics have 
    found no evidence of narcotics at the crime scene, and can only 
    conclude that the motive was purely inner-gang rivalry. VNN. Wringing 
    lies from the scrawny neck of truth." 
    [After completing "The Exchange"]
    "Law enforcement officers announced the seizure of a large drug haul 
    today as 199 kilos of uncut cocaine was captured entering the 
    country. Agents involved in the swoop were praised for their 
    professionalism by Police Commissioner McGinley who added, "To be 
    seen as winning the war on drugs is just as important as actually 
    winning the war." VNN. Hustling raw news to green public."
    [After completing "Burning Bridges"]
    "News just in. Chaos descended on Vice City's lower west side today 
    when fuel containers at Escobar International Airport unexpectedly 
    ignited, causing thousands of dollars in damage and interrupted 
    flights to and from the airport. Escobar officials have warned 
    travellers that missed flights due to the explosion cannot be 
    reimbursed. They also expressed deep sympathy for those people killed 
    in the blast. VNN. Now that's a spicy news ball."
    [After completing "Blitzkrieg Strikes Again"]
    "Drug war brought Vice City to a standstill today after weeks of 
    escalating violence amongst the criminal underworld finally came to a 
    head. Widespread conflict was witnessed across many districts as 
    gangs fought each other to a standstill over the control of drug 
    trafficking in the city. Stay tuned for further updates. VNN. News 
    coming straight in your face."
    [After completing "Light My Pyre"]
    "News of a vicious and unprovoked assault on the Prawn Island home of 
    Vice City's philanthropist brothers, Armando and Diego Mendez, is 
    just reaching us. A drug-crazed maniac is alleged to have fought his 
    way onto their well-guarded estate and assassinated the elder 
    brother, Armando. The whereabouts and conditions of Diego Mendez is 
    still unknown at this time. VNN. Dredging for rumours off the gossip 
    [After completing "Over the Top"]
    "The army has been left with egg on its face today after admitting an 
    attack helicopter was stolen from their military base, north of 
    Escobar International Airport. Senior officers have said the thief 
    should be regarded as most definitely armed and dangerous, and urged 
    him to do the right thing: return their chopper then turn himself in, 
    please. VNN. Making and breaking the news."
    [After completing "Last Stand"]
    "A stolen military helicopter demolished the upper floors of the 
    Mendez Foundation's Downtown building today. Reports filtering in 
    tell of numerous casualties. Diego Mendez himself is said to be 
    amongst the dead. Underworld sources say this was a legitimate hit on 
    the Mendez brothers, whom they allege were two of Vice City's chief 
    crime lords. Police have warned the public to remain vigilant as the 
    assassin and thief are still at large. VNN. A no-snooze news 
    g) Contact info
    Spotted a mistake? Did I miss out something? Simply send me a private 
    If you spot a mistake or something I missed out, I will put you in 
    the credits.
    And PLEASE, be polite!
    h) End of FAQ and credits
    Well, we've reached the end! I hope you've enjoyed reading the script 
    for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories. Before we go, here are the 
    Thanks to my dad for getting me this game.
    Thanks to YouTube for hosting videos of the game missions (this 
    helped me write down the script more easily).
    Thanks to Rockstar Games, Rockstar Leeds and Rockstar North for 
    making this game.
    Thanks to myself for making this masterpiece.
    Thanks to GameFaqs for posting this FAQ.
    And that's all, folks! See you again soon...

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