Review by Grammarazi
Metal Gear Torpid: Guns Of The Tedious
First off, I'll admit that I'm not a hardcore MGS fan. I played both of the PSOne games (loved the first, liked the second), skipped Snake-Eater, and decided to give this one a go because it got such rave reviews. This is without a doubt one of the most boring games I've ever played.
Story: Solid looks like an ageing porn-star circa 1979. Turns out he's got some genetic flaw thats rapidly aged him. On-top of the fact that he has aching joints, a bad smoking habit, and looks ridiculous the world has also gone to the dogs; basically there's a never ending war raging. War. What is it good for? Normally doing entertaining games but in this case ABSO-LUTELY NUTHIN. HUH! SAY IT AGAIN.
Gameplay: Worst. Stealth. Ever. You'll spend the game creeping around, getting caught, going on a killing spree, and then creeping some more. Oh I forgot to mention this will be interrupted every five minutes by a call from Otacon (aka unbearably annoying techno-babble spouting tosser) to keep you up-to-date on some irrelevant crap about nano-machines & war economies. If Otacon's too busy to give you a call then you'll probably get a visit from a 40 minute cut-scene where Snake will be surprised & sarcastic with his absurd faux-gravel voice.
The story is interminable made worse by awful over-acting and a constant barrage of mind-numbingly boring & completely superfluous pseudo-technical gibberish. This is basically a really long cut-scene interrupted by short bursts of unremarkable gameplay.
Summary: If you're a die-hard MGS fan and follow the story with excitement then this may be your bag. If you're a casual fan and simply liked the previous games for their playability then run for hills. This is a BAD game.
Also worth noting for those of you with little patience is the fact that you have to install the game at the beginning of each act. So you can look forward to sitting staring at the screen while snake smokes a cigarette for 10 minutes or so.
Graphics - 9/10 [Lovely looking game]
Sound - 4/10 [Bad voice-acting & annoying sound FX]
Gameplay - 3/10 [...you can shoot guns...and hide in a barrel...I can't think of anything else good to say]
Replayability - 0/10 [If you play through it once I don't know why you'd want to put yourself through that again]
Rating: 1.5 - Bad
Product Release: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (EU, 06/12/08)
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