Review by WhiteFyrex

"A Chronicle of Flaws"

The game lacks true creativity, forcing you to view story book depictions of a mundane storyline, cheesy cell shaded anime graphics, and very dense leveling parameters that make me want to punch my own face.

You are required to gain XP on the battlefields and then run back to HQ to trade in XP for training which results in a level up. Pointless and time consuming. You earn money on the battlefield too, which can be exchanged for parts to fit your single tank or to upgrade roster weapons. Sounds great until you quite obviously see no improvement whatsoever and are frustratingly disappointed.

You'll get to control a meager class of soldiers too, which are all non-impressive. Scouts which are described as the class to pinpoint the enemy, Shocktroopers which are supposed to be the heart of your offense, snipers for long range support, lancers to destroy offending tanks, an engineer which is an ammo-giving repairman, then Weiss, your Tank operator.

Scouts seem to be the best class as they get 5 continuous shots with a rifle, and have a ridiculous movement rate, but are horrid in their ability to take damage.

Shocktroopers, despite being created to put pressure on the enemy deem pointless as many maps are forever massive, and the STs can only move a fraction of what scouts move. One would find themselves wondering if they should even waste three turns to get an ST into position when a scout can easily accomplish the task.

Snipers allow you to see through a scope which you can manually adjust and aim, but miraculously misses the target 70% of the time. I find myself regretting their placement as they are easily rattled across the field by short range lancers, and have miniscule movement capabilities.

Lancers are quite possibly the only class that truly serves its purpose, except for the same redundant flaw that they also miss their target approx. 60% of the time.

Engineers move slightly less than a scout but are otherwise scouts with superior abilities. They can heal, repair the one tank you actually get, place sandbags for cover, and fight too.

There is no strategy to the game because the enemy fights the same way every time. Just protect your tank and don't move anyone too far out by themselves. Matches go on for agonizing lots of time, upwards to 30mins depending on what plays out.

The story is force fed down your throat, among other things, as this fruity main character studies nature, adopts winged pigs into your platoon, and is oblivious to the female going into heat around him. It's like you're setup to be some badass that deduces enemy strategies to pish-posh, but instead you're this guy and you tweez samples into a jar while pseudo-nazis are blowing your friends away.

Mediocre premise, terrible gameplay, frustrating scenarios, and a theme that bashes you in the head.

Reviewer's Rating:   2.0 - Poor

Originally Posted: 05/28/09

Game Release: Valkyria Chronicles (US, 11/04/08)

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