Review by The Ragnarok
Reviewed: 05/07/01 | Updated: 05/07/01
Super Castlevania IV proves that the Belmonts have irritable bowels.
I've seen many Castlevania fans diss Castlevania Dracula X (CV V: Vampire's Kiss), saying it was ''the weak link in the Castlevania series''. That is just not the case. If anything, Super Castlevania IV is the weak link. Most people only love it for it's very pleasing graphics, but that wont impress me, especially with the major flaws this game has. I'm sick and tired of people overrating crappy games, now I'll show you why this game is a decent action game overall, but the worst Castlevania game in the direct series...
Alright, so the graphics were beautiful for it's time. Very detailed, and very pleasing to the eye. Nothing was overlooked. In the opening stage, you pass through a decayed staple, and through the windows in the background, you can see eerie, skeletal horses grazing in the and frolicking as if they were alive. It gives off a very eerie aura, fitting to the Castlevania theme. There are several flaws in the graphics, however. First of, Simon just looks totally screwed up. His idle stance looks like he's giving the finger, and he looks like he's severely constipated when he walks, and even moreso when he jumps. Konami should've seriously given Simon some Ex-Lax before filming him. :D
Second of all, the hearts in the game are all orange.. WTF?
Unfortunately, the graphics are where the pros for Super CV IV end. The sounds are horrid, and totally off. Whenever Simon lashes his whip, he rips a juicy fart (yet more proof that Belmonts have irritable bowels). Yet more farts can be heard when he latches onto a ring post to swing across a small chasm. No wonder Simon walks funny, he's always vainly squeezing his legs together to prevent even more farting. The worst sound in the game however is definitely the sound when a Bone Pillar is destroyed. It's so annoying, I purposely avoid killing Bone Pillars for this reason alone.
''Dooo doo doo, ba ba ba. Dooo doo doo, ba ba ba.''
What the hell happened here, Konami? The Castlevania tracks are usually gorgeous. Even the ''bloopy'' Nintendo instrument themes are better than this crap! Most of the music is far too upbeat and lacks the gothic feel of Castlevania. And worst of all, there is a serious lack of nostalgic remixes from past Castlevanias'. And the few remixes that are in this game, such as Vampire Killer and my beloved Bloody Tears are ruined by the instruments used. This is inexcusable. This is Konami's worst musical score in history, and one of it's only bad ones. The opening stage music is DREADFUL, and not in the good Castlevania way either. It's almost ''happy''. Why do I have a hard time finding the decayed bowels of a castle with tortured souls and battered skeletons happy?
''Once every hundred years...''
Same old plot. Every century, Dracula rises from the grave and wreaks havoc on the Transylvanian countryside, and a Belmont must confront him. Blah blah blah. So that makes Simon.. what... 200? 300? Somehow this doesn't fit in with the plot. Although Konami has claimed in the past, that Super CV IV is a remake of the original. I find that hard to believe, and to say such a thing damages the original masterpiece's visage. How dare anyone say this is the same game as CV, or even remotely near it's greatness. People who utter the two games in the same breath should be shot.
''An incredible new list of abilities..''
NO! WHY GOD?! WHY?! WHY HAS CASTLEVANIA BEEN STRICKEN WITH TERRIBLE GAMEPLAY?! Because... Simon is a powerhouse now adays. He can whip in multiple directions, thus eliminating the former threat of attacks from above unless you were lucky enough to have an axe. He can brandish his whip, swinging it around to cause endless hits until even the strongest enemy crumbles into dust and skeletal remains. He also has very good jumping control, eliminating fatal pitfalls as a factor from this game. While that may sound all good and well to some... it makes Super CV IV PATHETICALLY easy, which is the number one reason this game is such an embarrassment to the Castlevania name.
''Beware: My bowels are as deadly as my sexy walk.''
Replay value.. well, I guess it's fairly average. Since Super CV IV is so easy, it doesn't make it too hard to play again. I didn't think it was worth it though. I can't seem to find any enjoyment in the game, so I can't give it a very high Replay Value score, but I will give it what I think it honestly deserves.
''From heartburn to diarrhea..''
Yep... Super CV IV has it all... from heartburn to diarrhea, that is. If you're going to play this game, I suggest you bring some Pepto or Kaeopectate. Better yet, don't even bother. Play Castlevania, Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse, Castlevania Dracula X (Or Castlevania V: Vampire's Kiss), hell, even play Castlevania Bloodlines, but do not bother with this embarrassment. You will be sorely disappointed if you expect to highly of it.
Replay Value: 6
Rating: 2.0 - Poor
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