Humans over the course of history have come up with creative ways to end the lives of others; The Rack, The Atomic Bomb, Biting a curb (See American History X) etc etc. The list could go on for a while about how devastating we can be to each other. But video games have always had a unique take on how you could actually kill someone. That's what I want to focus on with this list.

Criteria for the list include REAL things that exist, whether they are slightly altered or not; and the unconventionality of the weapon i.e. No swords, bombs, or legit bullets that come from a gun. That being said I tried to include things on the list that I felt were pretty unique and most people wouldn't ever think to use as a device for killing. Also if you really really really tried with all of these weapons there is almost certainly no way you could kill anyone with them in real life. Maybe dole out a concussion or two but nothing further than that.

Well all that being said I hope you enjoy!

Year of Devastation: April 19th, 1982

Dig Dug is a fun little game where you play as the titular character. You wander around underground, making little tunnels and try to eliminate dragons and some weird red guys that look like they are late for a scuba diving lesson with their fancy goggles. The game is a classic and has been around almost as long as Mario and Donkey Kong.

But Dig Dug's weapon of choice is what earns him a spot on this list; a simple bicycle pump. Apparently monsters that live underground can't stand to be filled up with air! Three or four not so quick pumps and your enemy pops and is never scene again. When you really think about it popping would be a pretty rough way to go!

Fun Fact: Dig Dug's supposed real name is Taizo Hori, and is actually a chairman for the Driller Council and apparently has three children and an ex-wife.

Year of Devastation: May 6th, 2004

Samurai Warriors is a fun hack and slash, destroy everyone game, where literally you kill as many people as you can and complete your objective. Most of the warriors are equipped with regular weapons: Samurai sword, giant mace, spears, axes etc. But one of the more odd and unique items in the game is a children's toy called the Kendama (the Japanese version of ball in a cop), used by Oichi.

I've never played with a Kendama but I have used a regular old fashioned ball in a cup. I personally think they are extremely frustrating and I'm not all that great with one. So I have to admire someone that has the cajones to go into battle with one, and then admire that person even more to actually killed hoards of enemies with it!

Fun Fact: Oichi is special on this list as she is the only character on the list who isn't fictional. She lived in Japan during the 1500's. Interestingly enough the Kendama didn't make it's way to Japan until 1777, around 200 years after her death.

Year of Devastation: July 24th, 1990

Side scrolling beat 'em ups seem to be a dime a dozen, especially in the 80's and 90's. Some stand out for novelty reasons and have been forgotten. One such beat 'em up is Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. It's hard to think of Michael Jackson wandering around on the mean streets of well, just about anywhere, let alone him beating the crap out of people.

All that aside, one of the things about this game that made it great was the devastating dance attack The King of Pop could unleash to destroy all enemies on the screen. I always thought it was awesome to see the spotlight shine on Michael and watch as all the enemies tried to follow his dance moves and then just die on the spot. That brings real definition to the phrase "You just got served."

Fun Fact: This game is based off a 1988 movie of the same name. That being said Michael spends the entire game wandering around in his suit from the "Smooth Criminal" music video. Go figure.

Year of Devastation: May 1st, 1993

Not many people would see Kirby as a threat if he was a real entity walking down the street. He's a little cut pink dude shaped like a ball. Not much threat there. But like most things in life a book shouldn't be judged by it's cover as Kirby is one B.A. little dude.

In Kirby's Adventure, Kirby has developed the ability to copy his enemies attack after he swallows them. Being swallowed would be gruesome way to go, but one of the copied abilities, The Microphone, is an ability of Kirby's unleashed with devastating results. Kirby pulls 3 variations of a microphone to "sing" into and wipe out all enemies on screen. I've been around people so loud they give you a headache and have hear karaoke that makes me wish I was dead, but never have I felt the effects of a voice so powerful I just die (thankfully).

Fun Fact: Kirby's ability to use a microphone to destroy his enemies is seen in numerous games. One of the best ever is seen in Kirby's Superstar, where on Kirby's last go he pops up with a rock microphone sporting a punk mohawk and screams into the mike. Metal.

Year of Devastation: November 21st, 1991

One of the most annoying things in life is to have the sun reflected off something shiny and directly into your eyes. For a few minutes you'll have a bright spot obscuring your vision and making it hard to concentrate. It is pretty uncomfortable on top of that.

One of the few saving graces about reflective sunlight is that you don't burst into flames...unless your name is Link and you possess a shield capable of amplifying and reflecting the sun onto your enemies...who then burst into flames. The Mirror shield has been around for a long time but it wasn't until later games in the series where you could use it to reflect the sun onto enemies such as the Re-dead and poes and have them spontaneously combust. That would be a really crappy way to go.

Fun Fact: The Mirror shield has undergone many transformations over the years: one of the most haunting is from Majora's Mask which the reflection given off is that of a sad face that resembles a mask owned by the Happy Mask Salesman.

#5: Hair

Year of Devastation: January 5th, 2010

As a bald guy I appreciate hair, especially longer hair. They come in all sorts of styles and colors and a lot can be done with hair to change how a person looks and possible even feels. I colored mine a good bit when I had it but I never dreamed of doing anything near imaginative as Bayonetta with my hair.

Bayonetta's hair is more than just a fashion statement: it's her clothing as well! My hair could never grow to the length required to cover my fun bits...but then again my hair could never by used as fists for punching, feet for kicking, or as a transformation into a giant monster to devour a schoolyard bully. Whether or not you've ever played Bayonetta or know anything about the titular character her many uses and destructive prowess with her follicles definitely was a must on the list.

Fun Fact:As her hair is used Bayonetta gets into more "comfortable" clothing with each use, gradually losing a vast majority of her outfit. I've heard of hair getting out of control but that is just crazy talk.

Year of Destruction: June 7th, 2011

I never got a chance to play Red Faction: Armageddon so I don't have any real experience with the dynamics of the game other than the fact that it's a shooter and you can destroy just about anything. One thing that does stick out from Armageddon is the adorable Mr. Toots, which is simply a stuffed unicorn you can get after you beat the game.

Stuffed unicorns have been around for a long time, but I've never seen a destructive unicorn that can actually kill anything; I've seen some that are so fluffy you're gonna die but never has a unicorn shot a giant rainbow laser from it's brown bomber capable of laying everything and anything to a heap of destruction in the from of rainbows and butterflies. Magical and destructive, is there anything better?

Fun Fact: While carrying around Mr. Toots he looks relatively content and happy, you know how unicorns are supposed to look. But as soon as you lift up the tail to shoot Mr. Toots that expression changes from happiness to a look of sheer terror and discomfort I can't even begin to imagine. The thought of shooting a giant laser down the hershey highway does sound like a miserable experience.

Year of Devastation: November 15th, 2011

The Saints Row series is well known for it's lightheartedness and entertaining scenarios you have to play through. It's also quite well known for being over the top: Enter in of the most destructive weapons in the third installment...The Pentrator.

The Penetrator may be one of the most outrageous weapon ever imagined; its definitely one of the most sexual weapons of all time. Without outright saying what The Penetrator actually is, due to children who may read this list, use your imagination and I'll describe it.

The Pentrator is a long purple, cylindrical object in a very distinctive shape that has a certain amount of flexibility. Some of them can be worn and some vibrate. Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

If one of these was used on me I'm sure I would want to die very shortly after but I don't think I've ever seen one used as a bludgeoning device to kill someone! This weapon being used to kill someone is quite unique from everything else on the list b/c an item like The Penetrator is known for being used as a device for pleasure of an intimate nature.

Fun Fact: This device of pleasure has been around for a very very very long time. They used to be made of stone, tar, and wood, just about anything that could be shaped into the appropriate shape. The oldest known device is estimated to be about 30,000 years old, is 20 cm long and is made of siltstone. It's a good thing we can make thinks out of latex and silicon now!

Year of Devastation: December 12th, 1998

Do you remember the South Park video game? If you don't it's not a big deal as the game wasn't well received by just about anyone. Despite that I remember playing this odd first person shooter and getting a kick out of it.

The game was just as funny as the show with numerous tie-ins through various items like WEIGHT GAIN 4000 which made you temporarily invincible. Some of the greatest things about the game were the ridiculous weapons like the cow launcher and the device used by the cows of South Park to make people dance and sing a ridiculous song. One weapon utilized by the boys was the snowball, which was your default, infinite ammo weapon the snowball. Take a little extra time and you could make that snowball a bright yellow, with you guess it: pee.

I have been hit with snowballs and if someone has gotten the perfect mixture of ice and snow they hurt like hell, and of course most people have heard of the warning not to eat yellow snow. I have never been hit my a urine soaked snowball; if I ever get hit by one I'm sure it wouldn't kill me but I'd be mad as hell about it. This weapon was so disgusting I popped it up all the way to number 2! But what can be worse than pee?!?!

Fun Fact: This game was so poorly received by so many people that even the creators of South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone disliked it. After a few more critical failures South Park games went the way side until the creators had full creative control of the now great South Park games that are more familiar: Let's Go Tower Defense, The Stick of Truth and the upcoming The Fractured But Whole.

Year of Devastation: Genesis-1994 and SNES-December 1995

I think a vast majority of people on the planet are guilty of picking their nose. It's a gross disgusting habit but almost everyone at some time or another has done it. Enter Boogerman.

This guy takes boogers and phlegm to a whole new level. Boogerman uses phlegm and boogers as his primary weapon to take out the numerous disgusting bad guys in the game. He has a phlegm and booger meter that'll eventually run out before it has to be replenished.

Have you ever found stray nose gold under your kitchen table or or favorite chair. It is one of the most disgusting things that you can run across if you look for it. Now imagine being hit in the face or body with a booger so hard it kills you...not only are you now dead but if you have the time to process what is about to hit you before you die you'd also be humiliated and disgusted at the thought of being hit with a booger! GROSS!!!

Fun Fact: Boogerman, despite being one of the grossest super heroes of all time, has been in more than just this game, making an appearance in Clayfighter 63 1/3 as a secret character. He was also voted the most disgusting character in 1994.

So there is the list of the most unique ways to die in video games. Since most games revolve so much around guns, swords, knives and fisticuffs its fun to see how creative game designers and publishers can truly be: from fun way to make an opponents expire like dancing to the absolutely disgusting like boogers and yellow snow. Of course there are a few honorable mentions:

Being Swallowed Whole: Yoshi in Super Mario World
Being Slapped by a worm: Earthworm Jim in EJ1 and EJ2
Tears: Binding of Isaac

Well I hope you enjoyed the list, feel free to leave feedback and of course remind me what I left off the list. This is BBGandE hoping you never find yourself on the other end of a yellow snowball!


List by BBGandE (03/20/2017)

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