Review by ImNotYourPapa

"Dull. Gray. Boring."

Let me get some things straight. I've always liked Zelda. I've played every game in the series, liked most, loved several. While I'm no huge fan of Ocarina of Time, I think it's a decent game. It's fun to play, at least. My personal favourites are Adventure of Link and Majora's Mask. Adventure of Link has a high difficulty level, smooth combat system and a lot of exploration for its age. Majora's Mask has... So much life, so much depth. Twliight Princess has none of these. Including the "Decent game" and "Fun to play". Out of all Zelda games I played (Which means all of them) this is, by far, the most boring. Everything is gray. The enemies are gray. The dungeons are gray. The people are gray. EVERYTHING has this odd grey-brown tint. I had to go check nothing was wrong with my eyes after playing this. It's like they thought, "Hey, why not just give everything a gray tint so the game seems dark and mature?" Oh well, that's not even close to the worst part of the game... So let's break it down, shall we?

Graphics: 6/10

"Meh-ish". The models and textures are okay, but gosh, everything has the same color! Everything is gray-brown and dull! I'm seriously sick of it. The twilight zones are okay, though, they have a pretty nice atmosphere to them, a pity all of them are so boring...

Well, like I said, they do their job, but couldn't they have used a bit more variety with the palette?

The biggest problem is variety, really. Most of the game is plains. Identical plains. With trees, rocks and grass. Yeah. The most boring area is probably the Castle Town, though, because it's so identical it's easy to get lost.

Story: 3/10

Feels... Inconsistent? Even by Zelda standards (Face it, most of the Zelda stories are crap) this is low. Nothing is even interesting, it just feels rushed and more like an afterthought that was implemented after the game was finished. Link lives in a village, Link goes out, Link's friend gets kidnapped, Link meets Midna, Link gets transformed into a Wolf, Link goes into Twilight Zone and find these spirits of people, and then he finds Zelda who's hiding there, and we hear about Zant, the "Twilight King", and there are these Fused Shadows which Midna must find... Or something like that. Oh right, then there are these light spirits which protect the areas. The story leaves no impression, no emotion, nothing. And it's very hard to get ahold of, because the conditions seem to change all the time, and it really doesn't feel connected to the game or what you're doing. I don't even remember most of it.

Gameplay: 2/10

Isn't this formula tired already? The controls are essentially the same as in Ocarina of Time - Lock-on, targeting, strafing, slashing, you know it. It works, but it's really... Not fun, because the enemies aren't fun to fight. The AI is as smart as a bunch of bricks, no enemies pose any real threat whatsoever.

Puzzles aren't particularily memorable, I can't recall any which had me sitting around for more than a minute... Okay, one, but I had played for like ten hours in a row. It wasn't really a puzzle, anyway. Either case, the game is not challenging in any way. More on this later.

Boss battes... To use a blunt word, they suck. Hard. No boss took me more than about two minutes to figure out how to beat. None of them were, in any way, shape, or form, difficult. Not even the final battle. None of them have interesting design. "Ho, a giant skeleton! Ho, a dragon!". Most of the Zelda games actually have interesting bosses, even if few of them are challenging (We'd have to go back to maybe Link's Awakening or so to find a boss battle which is...), but most of them are fun. The TP boss battles, are not fun. They're all more like... Giant brick walls, which you have to break to pass.

The overall dungeon design leaves no impressive emotion. The dungeons just feel like pretty caves in the wilderness. No challenging puzzles or enemies, no... Challenge. No impressions. Sigh... I don't know what to say, really, it's uninteresting and boring.

Free-roaming? Yeah, you go try and find anything to do, I didn't.

There's also a side quest involving finding ghosts. 20 of them, I believe. Then you have to go find more ghosts. Oh, and there's the Cave of Ordeals, which is essentially the only challenge in the game. You have to go through a large amount of rooms without filling your health. Fun for some, but this is what I call "Artificial challenge". It's really just a lot of enemies after each other. If they had implemented something like this into the neccesary game (Though not as long) I might have been slightly more impressed.

Atmosphere and design: 2/10

TP was supposed to be really dark and stuff, right? Well, guess, other than the gray tint, it isn't. In the towns, people are roaming around like idiots (Literally, and you can't interact with most of them, and those you can interact with? Nothing interesting to say.) even when there are things that should obviously disturb them.

Dungeon design, I already went over that. Unappealing, uninteresting. Short. Okay, there's one decent dungeon, but that's it.

Enemies... Well, they're not interesting. Not at all. They're just stupid roadblocks more than anything else.

The world design? Well, the map is pretty large, but there's nothing in it. Wow, a small cave where you can find fifty rupees! Hooray! The world is mostly plains with one or two enemies. The areas are pretty boring, though the desert is okay. Otherwise, nah. I really can't see the charm of this games' aestethics. They could've made them good, but this... Isn't. Nothing is fun to look at, because guess what, everything looks the same.

Challenge: 1/10

THE LEAST CHALLENGING ZELDA GAME TO DATE. Probably the least challenging game I've ever played. All enemies are easy. All bosses are easy. No traps worth speaking of. And guess what? Should you die, you restart IN THE SAME ROOM. That's right. There is nothing that can put a stop in your tracks. I don't know what you would have to do to screw up, break the disc or something?

Figuring out what you have to do is easy, no wait, there is nothing to figure out, because you're told what to do all the time, and Midna helps with everything.

I don't even want to make an overall section, I see no point. This game is not fun. Buy or rent? Rent as best, but I wouldn't waste my time with it. Most people will probably say "Well you got overhyped", or "You're expecting too much out of a Zelda game!". I say no. I probably hadn't even played it through if it wasn't a Zelda game.

As you can see, it's been quite some time since I played this, but really, I nearly always play Zelda games twice. Shouldn't that speak for itself?

Final score: 3/10. Bad. Not enjoyable. Not fun.

Reviewer's Rating:   1.5 - Bad

Originally Posted: 07/21/08

Game Release: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (EU, 12/08/06)

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