Review by MARX_over9000

""The reason why it's white is because it'll hide the dust collecting on it"."

I used to be the biggest Nintendo fanboy on my block. Yet now the only game I play on Wii is a Virtual Console Zelda title( more on that ), as my friend's Xbox 360 is what I geek out on. If you are on of the few who don't own a Wii and are planning to, you should read this review first.

System: The Wii has a compact, shiny case that looks very tidy and pleases the eye. It also comes in the smallest box out of the 7th generation consoles. This factor gives the Wii some portability over the massive 360 or house-sized PS3. But that comes at a price: the cables. The Wii has a jumble of long, bulky cables that easily tangle up and become a hassle. Unless you live in a dark cave, you know that the Wii has "innovative" motion controls. To use them, you have to set up a sensor bar, which is a pain since it has a long, grey cord that is prone to breaking. And broken sensor bars don't come cheap; neither do the controllers, costing more than any other competing console. It does get credit for having the ability to be laid around anywhere and function perfectly.

Hardware: The Wii has terrible hardware. For one, the graphics are WORSE than last-gen, and some games actually look like ugly N64 games. Nintendo seems to have focused on the controller so much that the hardware is bare-bones. To compliment the bad graphics, the Wii offers NO HD support and has space for ANOTHER VIDEO CARD but doesn't use it. Now we have the memory, which is a measly 512 MB, which is a severe handicap. The memory system is also divided into so-called "blocks" that make no sense because you can't tell the size of the data on it. Come on, Nintendo, all the other "consoles that focus on hardcore gamers too much" at least use a simple, gigabyte storage; why can't you do that? "Because they focus on innovation instead," is what I hear from blinded Nintendo fanboys. Now, when you turn on a Wii, you will see a menu screen with these "channels" that take you to a game, weather forecast channel or something else. Downloaded games take up a channel, and there is no way to delete a channel if you want more space, which is annoying.

Control: The Wii has a motion detecting remote that obviously uses the ungainly sensor bar to work. Well, for the actual controller itself, it bears close resemblance to a um..."sausage". First off, it's white, and it rumbles, plus you have to shake it in some very "interesting" ways.... Ugh. Well, it's very inaccurate and using the remote actually wears out your wrists faster than you veteran thumbs on other consoles, which that never happens. Because of the motion control and rumble, the battery will die out fast and it is essential to own a rechargeable battery. Also because of this "innovation", normally fun games like Zelda or MarioKart become a chore to play and an extreme exercise in frustration managment. I'd rather hold my own Wii-mote than this one.

Game Library: Really a good game on Wii is VERY hard to find, because of the its targeted audience: those stupid, n00bish, posers known as casual gamers. Because of them, they made Nintendo super rich, allowing them to release a disk-shaped turd for the Wii without worrying about being short of cash. Here is a summery of the library, an idea I borrowed from another reviewer.

First-party games: These are the once great Nintendo epics like Zelda and Mario that have become full of fail because of "innovation". They are filled to the brim with annoying motion controls and gimmicks. Because of them I stopped buying new Wii games.

Ports: These are games that are ported from PS2 or other consoles. Sometimes an awesome 360/PS3 game becomes crap after being ported to Wii. Couple this with terrible third-party support and you have a craptastic taste of the full poop pie.

The Third-Party games: Remember all those stupid animal-themed games on DS that Ubisoft was forced to make? That crap makes up the "Majora"-ty of the Wii's mediocre library and is bought by those casual poser gamers who can't tell cool from crap. Avoid these things. Really do.

Downloads: The only good category has Virtual Console, where you can get high off of nostalgia from the old games there. Yet those are severly overpriced and should really be free, because there are lots of websites that let you play old games FOR FREE. The other option, WiiWare, is really just something you want to avoid.

Online: WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?! This console marked Ninty's foray into online play, and it is a bad one. Since Nintendo is super-protective of the posers that they worship, they don't want them to be raped by a Michael Jackson wanna-be. So now we have these massive, 16-digit "friend codes" to put in if we want to have a buddy to play Wii with. While it may have stopped pedophiles dead in there tracks, it COINCEDENTALLY HAS AS MANY DIGITS AS A U.S. SECURITY CODE! That means pedoes are replaced by ID-theifs who can max out your credit card just because you gave them your ID instead of a random string of numbers. Online is also laggy and boring. Go buy an XBox if you want great online.

Final Word: Don't Buy one. The Wii is overhyped and you will be jealous of your 360 and PS3 owning friends.

Score-2/10 Realeased 11/19/06 Reviewed 06/22/09 2009 Mareth Silverblade (Mah fake RPG name)

Reviewer's Rating:   1.0 - Terrible

Originally Posted: 06/23/09

Game Release: Wii Hardware (US, 11/19/06)

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