Review by flaming_giraffe

"Let's keep it quick, you've got better consoles to play."

Right off the bat, I was hesitant to give the Wii a 3/10. Not because it's good, but because an opinion is an amalgam of thoughts, and cannot truly be expressed in numbers. But, if I had to use one word to describe it, it would be "severely overhyped, did not deliver," which is four words and one compound, but shut up, only one of us is writing. At the time of purchase, I would have probably given the console a solid 7 or 8; but bear in mind I was younger and significantly more stupid. So, let's get into the meat of the review. For each section, I will give a brief description and a word-based score.

Graphics (the graphics) - Score: is a sphere supposed to have that many angles?

Let's not mince words; the Wii has bad graphics. Sure, it's a step up from the gamecube, but compared to other consoles, it's piss poor, and compared to a PC, it's sad to the point where I'm wondering if I should just euthanize it. You may not notice it as much at first on an older TV, but when you're sufficiently white enough to own a flatscreen, the graphical limitations are honestly so jarringly noticeable it's hard to look at for long periods of time without your eyes starting to hurt.

Hardware (processing power) - Score: it's almost adequate!

It's nothing special; not exactly unacceptable, but not even close to par...not much else to say about that.

Controls (that stick thing) - Score: pretty mediocrOH GOD THERE IS BLOOD EVERYWHERE WHY DID THE STRAP BREAK

Motion controls are nothing but a gimmick, and apparently nintendo thought that was enough. Well I say no. It is not enough. It handles badly, even with the accessory you have to buy to fix it, and it seems like every game is forced to include some form of motion control at some point, even if it's so token you could practically spend it on blackjack. On more than one occasion, people in my house have been injured due to it being a social environment; e.g. more than 4 people. The spastic flailing of the wiimote is pointless and at times dangerous.

Library (the lineup of games) - Score: It has a fun game.

Surprisingly, the Wii does have three good games: Twilight Princess, the Guitar Hero games (those only count as one game guys) and Okami. At least, I THOUGHT it did, until I learned that Okami isn't a Wii original game (and therefore doesn't count,) and remembered that the Guitar hero games are on the ps2, ps3, xbox, 360, atari 2600, etc. And honestly, any game that's cross-platform on the wii will be better on the other platforms, due to better hardware and less arm-flail controls. In other words, the Wii has one good game; if you feel absolutely desperate to play it, rent the game and the console; it's not very long, and you'll be done within a few days, MAYBE a week if your work schedule is tight.

Overall score: Nintendo seems to have taken the Nigerian prince route to development. Oh sure, they'll TOTALLY get you some good releases, but first they'll need a small transaction toward the console, controllers, accessories, and games, which all told can buy you like three month's rent if you're frugal. And then they run off with the money, twirling their moustache like an incredibly unsubtle batman villain/10

Reviewer's Rating:   1.5 - Bad

Originally Posted: 10/03/11

Game Release: Wii Hardware (US, 11/19/06)

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