Review by 3picide

"I don't get all the hype....."

No More Heroes is based off several games I've seen in the past. It has the cell-shading of Wind Waker (actually loved that game), a poor attempt at the driving from GTA, the styles in smaller parts reminiscent to WTF! (Work Time Fun for PSP), and tries to go off of the assassin theme (Assassin's Creed). It is just a game that ruins several different games and/or game series. Oh, and you get a screwed up version of a light saber. Also, your character happened to be a masked wrestler at some point and you have to collect cards for a reason I have yet to find out. I don't get most of it. I do NOT understand how on earth this game is getting so many good reviews.

I'm going to review both parts of the game separately as they pretty much are different games. There's the Hack 'n Slash part, which is almost decent, but then there's the overworld.... **shudders**

Gameplay: 5/10

Hack 'n Slash part:
I played through the tutorial and was liking it. After that, I gradually despised the game. Going through the guys guarding the bosses was kind of fun. They take about two hits and then you just shake the wii remote (it really doesn't care which direction), then their heads explode causing so much blood and money to come out (don't understand that actually) that you can't really see what's going on. I just had to hold Z and hit A repetitively then shook the remote. Then, the boss was utterly confusing. I couldn't tell if I was hitting him or if he was blocking. Then, I don't know if it was a glitch or what, but there are suddenly three of him (is that supposed to happen? it had no segway) that I have to kill. Then, I finally cut his arms off..... what? What about the times I was directly hitting his torso? Why didn't it cut him then? I have a "beam sword" (cheap light saber). Why can't I just cut his sword/radio thing? Other than sheer chaos and confusion, the gameplay is okay except how repetitive it is. You do the same moves over and over and over (and I can't even see him doing the moves).

Now, I will talk about this dreaded part of the game. First off, I can't see anything hardly. I have to resort to what they like to call a map (I like to call it a monochromatic group of pixels). I'm not a graphics hog in any way (I mean, I still play the original games and I mean, come on, I have a Wii), but this game is almost unplayable. I really could not tell where I was going. The behemoth of a motorcycle you drive has hardly any steering and you get flipped off whenever you hit something. The collision is set way away from the items, so I'll hit a car when it is about 10 ft away from me and run over a lady halfway across the street. Speaking of, what is the point of the pedestrians? This game is in no way realistic, so why are they even there? I can hit them (not even a satisfying hit), but I get no punishment to make me feel like I've done something. So, I'm driving this thing that takes up most of the street, hitting things that aren't there, and trying my hardest to see where I'm going so I can go make money to kill someone. Another thing I don't understand: why do I have to pay to go kill someone? Why do I need her? I could just have a list of top ranked people (Google?) and go kill them. This overworld was obviously an afterthought. I take that back, most of the game is an afterthought. I honestly don't know where they started making this and what they were trying to accomplish.

Controls: 2/10

Hack 'n Slash:
When I can see what I'm doing, the controls are so stupid I want to use the beam sword to commit hara kiri. I liked the fact that there were high and low attacks, but using a simple pitch function that is easily done with the wii remote is nowhere near enough to redeem the other atrocities when it comes to controls. Why is the type of attack the only real use of motion controls on a system that was made around motion controls? If they would have replaced the A button with shaking the Wii remote, I just might be still playing this. I would rather shake the Nunchuk to do a "beat" than hit the B button. The biggest thing I like about the controls is the high and low attacks. That's about it.

I don't call these controls, as I can't really control what's going on. However, for the sake of time and simplicity, I will call them controls. When the buttons do decide to work (sometimes, I find myself hitting the same button several times to do one thing), I am just disappointed utterly. There are so many useless things put into this. I don't need to jump, burnout, or drift as I'm not running/chasing/shooting/racing anything. I'm just using this thing to take me across a mostly useless map.

Graphics: 1/10

I like the cell-shading, but I can't really tell what's going on outside of the cut-scenes. That's all I've got.

Sound: ??/10

There was sound other than my character pointlessly talking (I couldn't hear him) and the constant "auughh"s "oogh"s and "splat"s? I really don't remember hearing much of anything else and if I hadn't seen other reviews talking about the music, I wouldn't have known there was any.

Personally, I'm usually lenient on games. My biggest priority is controls. I don't care about graphics (I do like it to be visible, however). I do appreciate games that are graphic-oriented, but 1) I don't expect every game to look like Gears of War and 2) the controls still have to be good enough otherwise I'll just go watch some HD movie. This game pretty much failed in my opinion on almost every level. It has been some time since I've played a worse game (if ever). I seriously don't get all the hype over this....

Reviewer's Rating:   1.0 - Terrible

Originally Posted: 06/16/08

Game Release: No More Heroes (US, 01/22/08)

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