Review by Fastkilr

" Forever in debt to my priceless advice."

MTV is a fine Television channel, which can be proven by the millions who watch it. Unfortunately when they begin wrangling with the likes of Gotham Games, and enter the world of gaming, all hell breaks loose. Becoming the worlds favored fight club heroes, celebrities square it off, leaving all make up, and pretty looks behind. The only thing they brought with them is a passion to fight, and killer personalities. Although the game has finally made it to market which is great, I wish it had made it there a little before the show lost popularity. Sorry guys but making such a lackluster game, isn't the best way to gain fans.

Celebrity Deathmatch is the reincarnation of the clay-fighting antics which were a proud MTV production, and seem to still think their in their prime today. Just look at this piece of work (or lack there of) and how it is crafted. It looks like the development team has done the sloppiest job possible by making a set move list for each character, and making sure it inflicts damage. Hey that's the point of the game right? Well, when there is no further depth than Ron Jeremy's big balls crashing down on opponents you know there is a problem. But then again Ron Jeremy's balls are HUGE.

Celebrities are thrown about the game in such a degrading fashion; you could only expect more lawsuits. While the buxom ladies in the game strut their stuff, the men pack the real punch. While I categorize with men and women there is also a middle class of characters which make up the band N*Sync. I see no reason to make five out of twenty-something characters from a stupid band. Perhaps if they invested within a sequel, we could at least get some beastie boys in here. Maybe this is asking for too much though. Now you have to give some credit as the game highlights Springer, Rodman, Nicole Smith, Tommy Lee, Busta Rhymes, Shannon Doherty, Cindy Margolis, Mr.T, Carrot-top, and a few others which don't quite hit me right now.

Although this star line up is rather hot, and well some are just not, but Cindy Margolis is possibly one of the least fit for a video game, followed by all the N*Sync dudes. There just wasn't enough to work with there. Of course, with Anna Nicole Smith, the table was full. She can send a rabid dog after you, she will then smother you with melons (melons of either variety) she also likes to rub herself on you, but perhaps that should be left for another review?

Each fighters has the most limited list of attacks, only a few are useful, which can become used over and over again. Now I think the most fitting word for this game would be repetitive, followed by battology when used to describe the announcers. Sure Celebrity Deathmatch is a fun little 30 minute venture but after that you will have seen everything from the front of Ron Jeremy's boot to Anna Nicole Smiths tail being smothered about your face.

The only strategy to the game is knowing how to tap a button. Occasionally the computer may block, or you may miss, but for the most part, I beat the game by button mashing, which I am not ashamed of, the game doesn't make sense anyway. In terms of length it took me only twenty minutes to beat, and unlock everything 100%. Games a far too short these days. I was most disappointed to see characters such as Frankenstein, Alien, and Wolf man pop-up. Sure they are cool characters, but what do they have to do with the running gimmick of Deathmatch?

This game holds back what little potential it could possibly have. Now if you are interested in some real frenzied fighting action, perhaps I could interest you in a match in Soul Calibur 2, or perhaps DOA 3? Well, the Xbox already has fighters 10 times better than this so, for what reason this game even wanted to put itself up against such grueling competition, I have no idea. Although you can duke it out simultaneously with a partner, there is no depth at all to the multi-player mode, it is just a kill fest!

It is dull, uninteresting, and uninspired, which is odd, since it had a great show leading it to a following success which had never seemed to have come for the game. Now, I know I'm reviewing this game solely because I'm a bit mad that one of my favorite TV series has gone to runes, but for me that is reason enough. You see, I'm not one for wacky 3D fighters. It is either DOA, Soul Calibur, or 2D, otherwise you might as well unplug my controller and shove it down my throat. For all it is worth, I really wanted Celebrity Deathmatch to be a game that redefined what television to game experiences were all about, unfortunately this hope was splattered by an overweight Anna Nicole.

To cut a dry review short, MTV has licensed another game only to be slapped repeatedly by such cowardly programmers who certainly have skipped over the testing process, and have made a real mess of a game behind. The only good things for the game were possibly the actors, or at least the ones whom showed up in the game, and a bit of spotted humor. Too bad the humor only postpones what little fun the game carries in the conversion from Television to Gaming. So we have Judge Mills Lain, which is a good thing in itself, but where did the Beastie Boys run off to? Oh well although they missed Beastie Boys, Vanilla Ice, Ice Cube, and quite a few other heavy sluggers, they put all of N*Sync in, I guess Gotham Games had their priorities set out from the start, eh?

To throw all of my last thoughts into a heaping pile of junk, I represent for the Canadians, whom couldn't show up tonight by informing the U.S. how awesome Carmen Electra is. Best thing to ever come from Canada, other than ice hockey, smuggled drugs, and a few good beer companies. Well in the end, I was rather angry about the whole game, and just wanted it to be over. It was too bad this point was only 30 minutes into the game.

This is Johnny Gomez signing off, saying Good Fight, Good Night.


Reviewer's Rating:   1.0 - Terrible

Originally Posted: 05/19/04

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