Review by MrPibb23x

"Epic... What Have You Done?"

Pibb's Opinion: Gears of War 2

Gears of War 2.

That statement is amazing... until you see the 2.

The first game is why I picked up my 360 controller for almost 4 months. And I'm sure many of the people reading this article are agreeing with me. You wouldn't like Gears of War 2 if you didn't like Gears of War 1, now would you? But that statement doesn't work both ways.

Before I lose all of the readers that are utterly loyal to Gears of War 2, I will, out of respect for other opinions, state the things that, I think, are the good qualities of Gears of War 2.

Saving Graces:

The name. It's a sequel to Gears of War 1. That earns Gears of War 2 a couple points to begin with.

The fact that it is still a shooter... it's basically the one thing Epic didn't mess up after Gears of War 1.

...that's it.

Single Player:

I play the Single Player on this game so I know what happens after the Single Player on Gears of War 1. It's like buying cotton candy for your child at the carnival. After a couple bites, your child doesn't want it anymore, but at carnival prices, you'll be damned if you're going to let that cotton candy go to waste. So you eat it yourself.

How Epic found a way to make the Single Player beat around the bush so much is beyond me. Somehow, the game makes it so that you don't have one or two storylines, a primary, and a secondary, you have 17. What happened to Dom's wife? Are we going to be able to kill the Locust Queen? What's going on with Adam Fenix? What's up with these Lambent Locust? Is Cole ever going to stop being so beast? Is he ever going to forgive Doug for knocking all the stuff off of his desk just because he was using the company phone for a long distance call?

The answer to all of these questions is: I don't care.

I simply don't care. With all of these additions to the main storyline, you lose focus on some of them, and then the story becomes a cluster****. FUBAR, if you will.

Otherwise, the Campaign, physically (control wise), is played exactly the same way as Gears 1. That, and it's name, is the only reason the Campaign gets a 3 out of 10.


The only game that I own with a multiplayer that disappoints me on a more constant basis than this game, is Halo 3. And for much the same reasons, too.

This game's multiplayer is just like Gears of War.

If you are an ape.

Covered in tar.

With a blindfold.

This game's multiplayer is essentially all about dealing with problems. Problems like, "Am I ever going to be able to pull the trigger on my shotgun before I see someone, so the bullets actually come out on time?"

The shotgun is made to have lag. Mostly because Epic saw that Gears of War 1 was nothing but wallbouncing and shotgun dueling. Which, obviously (because people were doing it), was fun.

But instead of following the gamers, like they should have. They decided to lean the game further to what they wanted Gears of War 1 to be.

It's too late for Epic to change their mind, after making Gears of War, people expect things from Gears 2. Like some sort of gameplay continuity. Like, at least keeping the shotgun playable without using a Two-Piece.

Grenade tagging walls is an addition. Because the only way to make a game fun is to add the constant thought that you could die at any time by the hand of someone who has the skill to press the "B" button. What an idea... I wish I had thought of it...

Wait. I did. In Goldeneye 64. The only thing I remember about mines in that game is how hard I was beaten by my friends when I used them.

This game really does not have any killer gametypes, the only one that is new for a console shooter is Horde. Horde was supposed to be Epic's massive addition to Gears, hopefully making people waste even more time on it that Gears 1.

Horde, overall, however, is a failure. It's about defending yourself, and your squad against ever increasing waves of enemies.

Which, was fun when it first started, to get all the way to Wave 50. Those were the good times.

However, now, Horde is about as fun as hitting yourself over the face with a shovel covered in dung.

With your mouth open.

Horde mode becomes nothing but the same old stuff quite quickly. It is extremely easy to beat waves 1-7, then it gets challenging, around Waves 9 and 10 you might need a teammate.

Then once it goes to 11, it gets easy again. This is because the difficulty system is based on a grid, adding more monsters with each digit, resetting back to the small amounts at each zero-ending number (0, 10, 20, 30, etc.) and increasing their strength at each zero number as well.

Around level 50, horde becomes extremely difficult.

The multiplayer in this game, which I have affectionately named Smearfest '08, gets a 1 out of 10.


No matter how bad the rest of the game is, I can't bad mouth a game's graphics because I hate it.

I'm not someone that will alter my own opinions to hate on Gears of War 2 just a little more.

So, for those that are hating this review, welcome to the paragraphs that you will actually agree with. Here's to prove that I can actually write an approving review.

Magic. That's what I would call the graphics in Gears of War 2. But I suppose, it comes with the name. Epic tends to blend in Graphics quite nicely. And they don't make it the #1 priority in their games, like other companies do, which is good.

I reveled in the beauty when I first got his game. I looked around, enjoying the scenery before I continued to crush the skulls of the waiting Locust. Then, when I eventually did crush their skulls, I realized how garbage the blood looks in this game (Welcome back to reality, Gears 2 lovers).

The blood looks like the innards of Grandma's Apple Pie, and not in a good way. With the gore in this game, from Gears 1, they took out the chunks, and put in 10x more pink-colored blood. Bad move.

So, instead of getting bodied, like what happens in Gears 1, you get juiced. And that's just not as fun to say.


I can't bad-mouth it. But there is really nothing that sticks out. The soundtrack didn't appeal to me in any way, unlike the Gears 1 soundtrack.

The gameplay sound didn't stick out in any way either, there really was nothing that I enjoyed.

Overall Gameplay:

I don't want to write any more. But I have to... I must...

This games gameplay isn't even considered gameplay, its legally considered torture by the Geneva Convention.

When you have spent the last month honing your skill and ability to play the game, and someone can kill you by pressing the "B" button next to a wall... then you know you are in the wrong place for fun to occur.

Grenade wall-tagging has to be the stupidest thing that Epic could have thought to put in this game. Leave it to them to find the stupidest thing.

After playing the game for a couple days, (when I was still enveloped by the euphoria produced by a new game) I realized I could shove the boomer shield in the ground. I was enthralled. I ran up to the top of the marketplace on Avalanche, and shoved it into the floor at the top of the staircase.

After playing the game for a couple months, I realized that that feature hardly ever works. You need to be facing at a 180 degree angle from the ground, with no lag, for it to work. Among a plethora of other requirements that I don't even know. Because it usually won't work anyway.

The idea to make more than one type of Boomer, is another one of those stupid ideas that Epic conjured up. Most of the Boomer variations are about as challenging to defeat as the French.

That's why I give the Gameplay a 1 out of 10.

Overall Score: 2/10
Single Player: 3/10
Multiplayer: 1/10
Graphics: 8/10
Sound: 7/10
Overall Gameplay: 1/10

Reviewer's Rating:   1.0 - Terrible

Originally Posted: 07/20/09

Game Release: Gears of War 2 (US, 11/07/08)

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